Protecting Her(4)

“He’ll have to get advice about women from someone else. I’m definitely not an expert in that.”

“You obviously are, or you wouldn’t have convinced me to marry you just a few months after meeting you.”

“Perhaps I caught you at a weak moment.”

“Or perhaps you’re a gentleman who knows how to treat a woman. Things you will someday teach our son so that he finds love just like you did.”

“If he’s able to find the kind of love that I feel for you, then he will be a very lucky man.” I kiss her forehead, then bring her into my arms and hold her.

I’m so relieved she made the decision to not get pregnant again. If she’d decided otherwise, I would’ve had to convince her not to do it, then risk her resenting me for taking away her chance to have another child. But she already knew how I felt about this. Before she even got pregnant, I made it clear that if her health was ever put in jeopardy by having a child, I would not agree to having another one.

“I love you,” she whispers by my ear.

“I love you too.” I give her a kiss, then stand up. “I should get going. The nurse said she has things she needs to go over with me before I bring the baby home.”

“Okay.” She’s smiling. “Good luck.”

I smile back. “Are you saying I can’t do this?”

She’s laughing now. “No. I’m just wondering how bad the house is going to look when I get home. Dirty diapers everywhere. Spilled bottles all over the house. Who knows what else I’ll find?”

I shake my head, still smiling. “I am perfectly capable of doing this. I head a division at a major corporation. I have degrees from Harvard and Yale. I think I can figure this out.”

“Okay,” she says, biting her lip so she doesn’t laugh. But then she does.

“Rachel, he is an eight and a half pound baby who sleeps all the time. How much trouble could he be?”

“No trouble at all,” she says trying to be serious. “I’m sure you two will be just fine together.”

I kiss her goodbye. “I’m leaving before you destroy my confidence.”

Truthfully, my confidence was destroyed before she even said those things. I have zero confidence I can do this. But I have to try, because as soon as I leave her room, the nurse approaches me and tells me Garret is ready to go home.

Shit. How the hell am I going to do this?





CHAPTER TWO


2


PEARCE

I managed to make it home with the baby and get him into the house. It’s August, so it’s hot and humid outside but the house is cool from the air conditioning. Maybe it’s too cool for a baby. But I don’t want him being too hot. There was nothing in the books about the proper room temperature for an infant, so how is one supposed to know? He can’t tell me if he’s hot or cold.

He’s not crying so that’s a good sign. I bring him upstairs, carefully taking each step so I don’t drop him. I go in the nursery, which Rachel decorated during the few months she wasn’t on bed rest. The walls are light green because we weren’t sure if we were having a boy or a girl. There’s a white rocking chair in the corner next to the crib and across from that is a white dresser and changing table. Rachel stocked the room with baby supplies, so at least I have what I need, although I’m not sure how to use them all.

“Garret, would you like to try out your crib?” I lower him into it, but as soon as I let go of him, he starts crying.

Now what do I do? Why is he crying? They just fed him and changed him at the hospital.

I pick him up again. He stops crying. So I guess he just wants to be held.

I go over and sit in the rocking chair. As I hold him and rock him, he watches me. He keeps doing this. Looking at me. Watching me. I hope he only sees the good in me and not the bad. I hope he never sees the bad. I will shield him from that, just like I shield Rachel from that side of my life. But someday, I may not be able to. If I can’t find a way to get Garret out of the organization, I will be forced to tell him about it. And once he learns the truth and knows what the members do, he’ll know what a horrible person his father is. I don’t want him to know that. I need to get him out of his obligation. Or Jack does. We need to find a way to keep my son from ever having to join.

He fusses a little and I notice I stopped rocking him. I start up again and the fussing ends. Just looking at him, I feel a huge smile cross over my face. It happens automatically, just like it did when I met his mother. I couldn’t wipe that big smile off my face.