Protecting Her(119)

“No. I’m not going there. I’m going back to my old school, where my friends are.”

“That isn’t an option, Garret. You’re going to Tolshire. I’ve already enrolled you there. You start next Monday.”

He points at the door. “Was this HER idea?”

“No. And you need to stop blaming her for everything. We can’t all live under the same roof if you two are always fighting.”

“She’s the one who starts it!” he yells. “She purposely says things she knows will start a fight!”

“I don’t care who’s at fault. This fighting needs to end.”

“Why are you sticking up for her? You know she lies. You know she manipulates you and everyone else. She’s a bitch, Dad. Why the hell did you marry her?”

I stand up and face him. “You need to clean up your language. I mean it, Garret. You can’t use that kind of language around the baby.”

“You mean the baby you had to replace me?”

“Garret, that’s not fair. You know that’s not why we had her.”

“Then why? Why did you do it?”

“Katherine and I are married. It’s not surprising we would have a child together.”

Garret throws his hands in the air. “You don’t even like her! Why the hell would you have a kid with her?”

“Of course I like her. She’s my wife.”

“MOM was your wife! You loved MOM. You don’t love Katherine. She’s too young for you. You have nothing in common. You fight all the time. And she treats you like shit.”

“You know nothing about our marriage. And you shouldn’t, because it’s none of your business.”

“It is when she’s trying to interfere with my life. Ship me off to boarding school.”

“I told you that wouldn’t happen again.”

“Katherine wants me gone. She only wants you and Lilly living here. And since you always do what she says, you’ll ship me off again.”

“I don’t always do what she says. You don’t know what goes on between Katherine and me so stop acting like you do.”

“You forgot my birthday last year,” he says quietly. “Because of her. Because she told you to.”

I sigh. “I didn’t forget. We just weren’t able to have a party for you. It was a very busy time with the baby being born so close to your birthday.” I pause, thinking back to the day I first held Garret in my arms. A day that now seems like a lifetime ago. “I will never forget your birthday. I still remember the day you were born.”

Garret gazes at the floor. “If I’d known this would be my life, I wish you’d never even had me.”

“Garret, don’t say that.”

“Just go away. Go be with your wife.”

“I want to be with my son right now. You’ve been gone and I’ve missed you.”

“Then why did you send me away?” He yells it. “And why didn’t you call me?” His voice cracks.

I step up to him and force him into a hug. “You’re right. I should’ve called. And I shouldn’t have sent you away. I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not!” He shoves me away and wipes the wetness from his eyes. “You always do this! You always say you’re sorry, but then nothing ever changes. You apologize for not spending time with me, but then you work a hundred hours a week. You say you’re sorry for missing my swim meet, but then you don’t show up to the next one. You say you’re sorry for never talking about Mom, but then I say her name and you yell at me. You’re a f*cking liar, Dad! Just stop trying to be a father and leave me alone! I’d do a better job raising myself than having you do it!”

He storms off to his bathroom and slams the door and locks it. He’s sad and angry and frustrated, with both me and our situation. But I don’t know what to do to make him feel better. This is our life now, and he’s right. I’m a horrible father. He probably would be better off raising himself.

After the plane crash, our lives went to hell. Part of that was my fault. I couldn’t get past my grief, so I buried myself in work. It was the only thing that distracted me enough to lessen the excruciating pain I felt from losing her.

But all those hours at the office meant that I never saw Garret. The first few months after Rachel died, I tried to be home every night for dinner. But then I started working later. Charles was with Garret every day after school, but when he left at six, Garret was alone. Most nights, he ate dinner without me and was asleep by the time I got home.