Present Perfect(104)

“Don’t do that,” I said.

“Do what?”

“Play dumb. You’re no good at it.”

“Slapped in the face by my own words.” He chuckled as he came over to me. Bending down, he kissed the top of my head. “Good. You can read them to her when she gets old enough to understand.”

I looked up at him. It never ceased to amaze me how much I loved him. I’ve known him all my life and every day that passes, I love him more and even if I’m not here, I will never stop loving my knight in plastic armor.

I knew Noah was terrified of the future. He didn’t talk about it, but I could see it in his eyes every time someone brought it up. I wanted to still be a part of raising Halle even if I wasn’t physically here. The day we walked out of Dr. Lang’s office, we had decided that I would wait and have chemo immediately after Halle was born. It was very risky, since before, my cancer was very aggressive, but it was a risk I had to take for our daughter.

I started writing notes to Halle later that night. I needed to make sure I gave her, her thank you and goodbye, just in case I didn’t get to meet her, and I knew that the present was the perfect time to make sure she would have that.





Halle,

I love you and I’m sorry I’m not able to be there to watch you grow into a beautiful intelligent woman. I’m writing you these notes for two reasons.

Reason one: Even though your daddy is a wonderful man, and you grandmothers and aunt Emily will be there to answer any questions, there are certain things that only a mother can teach her daughter. I will do my best to cover the most important topics.

Reason two: Even though your daddy has taken a ton of video of me for you to watch, I wrote notes because I wanted you to be able to take them with you wherever you went, so you can pull them out to read when you need me. My words will always be with you.

You have no idea how happy I was when I found out you were coming. I loved you from that second on. You were perfect because you were mine and your daddy’s. I love him very much, Halle. I was blessed to have him in my life. When the doctor told me, I was sick again my first and only thought was to protect you. There was no way I would do anything to hurt you and keep you from meeting your daddy. I hope someday you understand my choice. I love you with my heart & soul.

Mommy





Halle,

Don’t grow up too fast. Enjoy being a kid. There will be a lot of influences, like peer pressure and things you see on TV and in movies, pushing you to grow up. Don’t feel pressured to do what they say. Have fun, laugh, make friends, and play, All the grownup stuff will still be there when you arrive. I love you.

Mommy





Halle,

I had my mother, your grandmother, sign a paper stating that she will in no way force you to wear a Halloween costume that is not of your choosing. Just to be on the safe side, your aunt Emily notarized it. When you’re old enough, you will be able to go up to the doors, knock, and say trick or treat by yourself. There’s no reason to be scared. There are no monsters behind any of those doors. I promise. I love you.

Mommy





Halle,

Chocolate cake makes a lot of things in life better. Just don’t eat too much. I love you.

Mommy





Halle,

Smart is cool and will never go out of style. Don’t ever dumb yourself down for anyone. I love you.

Momma





Halle,

Friends: It’s not the quantity, but the quality that matters. You will meet a lot of people throughout your life, not everyone will be your friend. That’s ok. You’ll know when you meet a true friend. True friends are trusting and loyal. They are there for you during good and bad times. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. It doesn’t matter what they look like on the outside. The inside is where you find their quality. I love you.

Momma





Halle,

Your daddy is a wonderful man. There’s never been a time in my life that I didn’t love him. We were pretty young when you arrived. What I’m trying to say is that one day, your daddy will probably find someone who makes him happy. He may even want to marry her. He deserves to be happy and in love. I want you to be happy for him. Don’t be jealous. It doesn’t mean he loves you any less. It just means his heart has healed. I love you.

Momma





Halle,

Don’t let society’s labels hold you back. If you have a true passion for something whether its sports, art, science, etc…don’t believe anyone who says you can’t do it because you’re a girl. If you want to play baseball, hockey, or football, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. If you want to play with Hot Wheel cars and Legos, then do it. Only you are the boss of you. (Technically, your daddy is the boss of you until you’re 18, but you get my drift.) I love you.

Momma





Halle,

On the subject of fashion/makeup: With makeup, less is more is the general rule.

Fashion: Fewer, micro-mini, tight, lower are all words to avoid when looking for clothes.

Underwear is to be worn under your clothes. That’s why it’s called underwear and not outerwear.

Respect yourself and your body. Half shirts and short shorts are okay at the beach that is if your daddy lets you out of the house dressed in them. I love you.