Precious Consequences(57)

“Does this have anything to do with Hannah?”

Noah looks at me for the first time since I arrived and I can see I’ve hit a nerve.

“Why would you say that?”

I sigh. “C’mon, Noah. I saw how you two had a go at each other yesterday. You guys always fight, but yesterday it was…” I pause, trying to find the right word. “Real.”

“I don’t know, man, she was one her period or something and being a total bitch.”

I give him an are-you-f*cking-shitting-me-right-now glare and finally he acquiesces. “Fine. I said some things I shouldn’t have and hurt her feelings, okay? God, why do you have to be so f*cking pushy about it?”

“Because Hannah is my friend, too, and yesterday you were a complete prick to her.”

Noah’s face falls and he looks down, fiddling with the drawstring of his pajamas. “Yeah, I know.”

“What did you say to her?”

“She went on a date and I told her she mustn’t sleep with the guy. Then we got into this big ass argument and I ended up calling her a whore. I might have also told her I wished she’d never moved back home and my life was so much better with her living in the dorms on campus.”

I clench my fists, resisting the unfamiliar urge I have to punch my best friend in the balls. “Why would you say that, Noah? We both know if there’s a whore in your family it’s certainly not Hannah.”

He shoots me a dark look and I have no choice but to raise my hands in defeat. “I know, I know. I don’t have room to talk, but you know I’m right.”

“Well f*ck, Cameron, we can’t all have what you have, okay?”

“What the f*ck are you talking about, Noah?” I feel my anger surfacing, and giving rise to the need to just leave. I was having a great morning until I showed up here and came face-to-face with this grouch.

“I mean with Hayley. We can’t all have that.”

Feeling my frown deepen, I stare at Noah, confused. “Uh, it’s called a relationship, and if you gave yourself the chance to find someone decent, there’s nothing stopping you from having one.”

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”

“Okay, you’ve lost me.”

Noah rolls his eyes and throws his arms up in exasperation. “Fuck, Cam, do I need to spell it out for you? I’m talking about love, you idiot. You love Hayley - ” my hand shoots up and I cut him off mid-sentence.

“Noah, I don’t know about that.”

“Please, Cam, stop bullshitting yourself. You’re falling ass over elbow for that girl and her kid so fast you don’t even realize it.”

I’m sure my expression must amuse Noah because loud laughter suddenly bursts from his chest. “Oh man,” he laughs, slapping my back. “You have it bad.”

Before I have the chance to think about his words, we hear the front door open and Hayley and Hannah appear at the entrance to the living room. Their eyes are red and puffy. What the f*ck.

“Baby? What’s wrong? Are you girls okay?” I jump up and walk over to them. Noah is at my side in an instant when he sees Hannah’s distress.

“Where’s your phone?” Hayley asks, her voice sounding both rough and soft at the same time. I feel in my pockets. “Shit,” I murmur. “It must be in the truck. Why?”

Hayley looks at Hannah and then back at me. A tear slides down her cheek and I wipe it away as she sniffles. “Tell me what’s going on, Hayley, I’m about to lose my shit over here, baby.”

“Candice called,” she replies, looking down. “She couldn’t get ahold of you so she called me to see if you were with me.”

My stomach drops and the worst feeling of dread settles over me, over us, cloaking us.

“It’s your dad, Cam. He’s…he’s…dead.”



** ** ** ** **



Nothing.

I feel nothing.

I stare down at my father’s lifeless body and feel… nothing. I don’t know what to feel. Relief maybe? That he’s finally gone to a better place instead of being stuck in a f*cking hospital bed? I.don’t.know.what.the.f*ck.to.feel.

The coroners place my father's body, which suddenly doesn’t even feel like my father anymore, on a gurney and wheel him out of the make-shift hospital room that has been his ‘home’ for these last two years. They carry him downstairs and outside to where their van is parked and I watch my mother fall to pieces. Brett is holding Candice, Noah is holding Hannah and Hayley has taken it upon herself to comfort my weeping mother because I can’t find it in myself to do it. The van drives away and we all stand in the driveway until it disappears throughout the gates.

I turn around and walk up to my room, shutting the door behind me. As soon as I’m alone, I crack, and for the first time since Hayley told me my father is dead, I feel something.

Guilt.

I killed him.

He’s dead because of me.

I’m a monster.

A murderer.

Everything I have worked hard to make peace with surfaces, making me feel like the nineteen-year-old kid who holds himself responsible for what happened to his father. I’ve destroyed our family and taken away the love of my mother’s life. I’ve robbed my sister of a father and Jordan and Aubrey of a grandfather. He will never get to see me graduate, he will never see Aubrey and Jordan grow up. He will never get to see me get married and start a family of my own. And he will never be able to tell my mother he loves her, ever again. Of course, he hasn’t been able to do any of those things since the night of the accident, but we all still held out some hope that a miracle would happen, and he would be able to return to us. But he’s gone. And it’s because of me.