Porn Star(88)

There’s sharp insight in her words and a comfort in the energy she gives, and though I’m not sure yet what—or who—my North Star is, I’m reminded of the tarot reading she did for me not too long ago and the star card that showed up in my future—hope.

And with nothing quite resolved, I cling again to that hope, trusting that the universe will give me the answer soon.





19





“Logan O’Toole, you are a god.”

My head snaps up. I’ve been sitting on my couch staring at my hands, my thoughts racing, but Bambi Roo has just walked in the living room, smelling like baby wipes and with her bag slung over her shoulder, and I become aware that I’ve been sitting like this for almost half an hour.

I give her a weak smile. “Hardly.”

“No, really. That thing you did the third time you made me come, when you had me bent over the table? Oh my God, I’ve never come that hard, I swear.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Bambi says, tossing her long, dark hair behind her shoulder with a grin. “I’m telling my agent to make sure I book a thousand more scenes with you.”

A couple months ago, this is the kind of thing that would have made me proud, made me a little smug. I like knowing my girls are happy when they leave my set, I like having a reputation as someone who’s amazing to have sex with. But right now, all I feel is a churning dread in my gut, a sick feeling of worry and shame—and if I’m being honest, a little bit of self-righteous anger.

“You going somewhere?” Bambi asks, gesturing at me. I’m fully clothed, shoes on and a baseball cap pulled down over my hair, and I’ve been that way since our scene ended, leaving Bambi to clean herself up while I frantically tried to call and text Devi. She wouldn’t answer her phone, and there was no way in f*ck I could wait for her to call me back. So I got dressed and I’ve been waiting anxiously for everyone to leave my house so I can drive to Devi’s apartment and figure out what the f*ck is going on.

“I’m going to my girlfriend’s,” I say, trying to make it clear that I really want to go now and also trying not to be rude.

But really, lady. Get the f*ck out of my house so I can leave.

Bambi looks simultaneously disappointed and excited to hear gossip. “You have a girlfriend? Was it the girl who was here today?”

“Yeah. Her name’s Devi.”

“She’s really hot,” Bambi says approvingly.

Something twists inside me. “Yeah. She’s pretty much perfect.”

“Well, I won’t take up any more of your time,” Bambi says, and shrugs her bag higher up on her shoulder, walking toward the door. “Oh, and I saw Raven’s tweet while I was getting dressed. Congratulations, dude. People will fall all over themselves for that.”

Raven’s name and the word congratulations should not ever share the same space, unless someone is congratulating me on escaping our relationship, and I’m immediately wary and on edge. But I also have to get out of here and find Devi, so I decide to shelve this Raven thing for the moment and make sure Bambi leaves.

“It was great working with you,” I say, and I think it sounds convincing because she flashes me a big smile.

“I would say the same to you, except you already know how great it was for me.” She winks, and then she waves and walks out the door, blowing me a kiss before she shuts it behind her.

And I’m on my feet in an instant, swiping my keys off the counter, jogging to my garage door. As I get in my car and back out of my driveway, I dig my phone out, thinking I’d have to dig to find this tweet of Raven’s that Bambi mentioned, but nope. It’s right there in my notifications on my lock screen.

New project with @number1Toole CUMMING soon. #staytuned #bignews

“What the f*ck?” I mumble, steering with one hand, my eyes flicking between the empty road and my phone. I swipe at the tweet, opening up the app, and then I see not only Raven’s tweet, but the innumerable number of replies, people shitting themselves over Raven’s “announcement.”

@theRealRaven does this mean you and logan are back together?????

@theRealRaven omfg i can’t wait to see you two together again, you guys were my favorite couple.

I can’t wait to see @number1Toole and @theRealRaven f*ck again!!!! #bestcouple #truelove

I already feel sick, but this actually sends my stomach clenching, and for a minute, I have to will myself not to puke all over the Shelby’s steering wheel. What the f*ck is Raven doing? There’s definitely no project and there’s definitely no chance in hell that I would even consider a project with her, so why the public announcement?

And worse, she’s not doing anything to dispel the rumors that we’re back together. At this point, the mere thought of dating Raven again is enough to make me go Hulk Smash on the nearest building.

I’m dialing Raven’s number without giving it any additional consideration or caution, because f*ck caution. I’m pissed as hell, and she’s going to know about it. She picks up the phone after only a couple of rings, as if she expected me to call.

“Logan.” Her voice is confident, controlled. “How nice to hear from you.”

“What the hell are you doing, Julie?”

“You know if you use my real name, I will use yours, and it bothers you much more than it bothers me.”