Porn Star(83)

“But you’re a professional. You’d never do that.” I don’t know if I’m testing him or me—trying to feel out whether (a) he’d really ever call off a scene on my count, and/or (b) I’m bothered by the fact that he probably never will.

He tucks a hair behind my ear. “No. I wouldn’t call in sick. And that’s why I’m inviting you to stay.”

I knew he wouldn’t cancel. Asking me to stay is a decent compromise, though, one that earns him a decent grade on my test. I, on the other hand, am pretty certain I’ve earned an F because I am for sure bothered by the idea of him having sex with another woman right now.

And what the f*ck is that about?

In my head, I hear Raven’s voice repeating her accusation from the day before. “He’s always f*cking someone else.” She’d called it advice, but she meant it to be hurtful. And it was.

And I hate that.

I hate that she knew it would get to me. I hate that she hit her target. And, most of all, I hate that she’s right—that Logan will always be f*cking someone else.

And I hate that it bothers me so much. This isn’t me. I don’t like who this is.

A voice that sounds an awful lot like my mother quoting Maya Angelou, says, “What you're supposed to do when you don't like a thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.”

So as some sort of silent act of spite, I decide to actually let her words be helpful. Yes—Logan f*cks other women. Because that’s Logan’s job. If I want a place in his world, I have to figure out how to deal with it. Starting today.

“Yes. I’ll stay. Thank you for asking.” Who knows? It might even end up being hot for both of us the way my scene with Kendi was the day before.

Or I’ll discover that I’m not as open about sex as I think I am. Considering the direction our relationship has taken, it seems like something I really ought to figure out soon anyway.



* * *



I clean up and dress first. Logan’s still in the shower when the doorbell rings twenty minutes later. I expect to come face-to-face with Bambi, but it’s a guy’s voice that says, “Yo, dude, you moved the key,” before I’ve even finished opening the door.

His brows rise in surprise when he realizes I’m not Logan. Then they rise higher as he skims the length of my body with his eyes. “Oh. You’re not a dude.”

Maybe I should be offended by his ogling, but there’s something instantly charming about him, so, instead, I grin. “Not last time I checked.”

“You must be Devi. I’m Tanner. Logan’s wingman. Are you…?” He looks around, searching for Logan or Bambi, I don’t know which.

I’m pretty sure what he’s getting at though. “I’m sticking around to watch his scene today. Bambi’s not here yet, and he’s in the shower. I’d invite you to make yourself at home, but I have a feeling you’re here more often than I am.”

He chuckles. “It is like a second home. We work together a lot. I assume you’ve been to the dungeon?”

I shake my head. “I mean, I’ve seen it on videos. Just not in person.”

“Come on, then.”

The “dungeon” isn’t the most elaborate that I’ve seen, but it’s bigger in real life than it appears on camera. The tight angled shots make it hard to grasp the size of the room, and that it encompasses pretty much the entire basement. A quick glance tells me that Logan’s inventory rivals any sex store. He has all the basics—vibrators, plugs, crops, whips, handcuffs—and a bunch of toys that are for the more expert sex enthusiasts. It’s an impressive set-up.

And it’s hot.

I can imagine myself down here, naked, my nipples clamped, my neck collared, my wrists and ankles strapped to the suspension rings on the wall. I’d be blindfolded and writhing and Logan would implement all sorts of punishments. Naughty punishments. Ones that torture with both pain and pleasure.

I close my eyes and run my fingers through the tails of his flogger.

“What do you think?”

Logan’s arrival startles the crap out of me, but I try to play it cool. “I think you’ve been holding out on me.” And then, because I’d been thinking dirty thoughts and because I’m not really ever that capable of playing it cool, I blush.

He studies me with a smile that says he knows exactly what I was thinking, which of course makes me blush further. “Can’t show all my cards at once,” he says. “You’ll get bored too soon and leave me before I’m ready.”

I don’t miss the raised eyebrows from Tanner at Logan’s words, but I’m too thrown from them myself to respond. There are too many layers to his statement. Too many things he could be trying to tell me, and even though it’s a flirty line that makes my stomach flutter, I have a feeling there’s legit fear hidden beneath it. Is Logan as worried that his job will get in the way of our relationship as I am? He’d been the one to say we needed to find things that made us special. I’d assumed that was for my benefit, but is it possible he’s struggling too?

“You’ve been holding out on me too, man.” Tanner adjusts one of the set lights so it will hit a spot on the concrete floor (he’d make me kneel there; he’d make me beg). “You told me Devi was supreme, but you didn’t let on how supreme.”