Playing With Fire (Tangled in Texas, #2)(97)
“Good. Glad to hear it.”
There was a moment of awkward silence, so I gazed across the room at something that caught my attention. Worn helmets lined the wall on display like some kind of shrine. “Why are all these firemen helmets different colors?”
“Each color stands for a different rank.” He walked over to the old, battered helmets lined up in a uniform row. “Black is for the regular crew and trainees, red is for the lieutenant, yellow is for the captain, and white is reserved only for the chief.”
“That’s right. I remember seeing your yellow captain’s helmet in your truck the night you gave me a ride home after the library fire.”
He looked down somberly, as if that was the last thing he wanted to think about. Or maybe remembering how this whole thing started between us was what bothered him. Lord knows he hadn’t been by to check on me after disappearing from the hospital two days ago.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, Cowboy had left me completely in the dark as to what went wrong between us. No explanation at all. That’s why I was here now. To ask him what happened. Problem was, I couldn’t seem to do it.
He’d obviously made his decision to end things between us that day in the hospital when he refused to see me. Then he left me alone in the hospital and didn’t return, as if we hadn’t shared anything special between us. Like I meant nothing to him. So the least he could do was explain himself.
“I’m glad you stopped by,” he said.
My brows lifted as my eyes met his. “Really?”
“Anna, I…I meant to come see you.”
“Guess you were too busy.”
He shook his head and rubbed at his neck. “I’ve just been thinking about things.”
“Things?”
“Us, I mean. You and me.”
I squinted at him in confusion. “What was there to think about?”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is…” He hesitated, as if he were trying to predict the outcome of what he was about to say. Just say it already. “I’ve come to the conclusion I don’t want to be one of those housetrained men.”
I stiffened at his remark. “Housetrained? I don’t think I follow you.”
“You know, one of those guys who sit at home every night with their woman and never have much of a life. I need some excitement and am starting to feel like I’m being cornered.”
Disbelief washed over me, and I blinked rapidly. “I don’t really know what to say to that. I thought you were okay with the way things were going between us. You seemed to be.”
“Well, I’m not.” Though I tried to stop it, I had no doubt the devastation showed on my face. Cowboy frowned, then turned away. “Look, I’m sorry I wasted your time.”
“Wasted my—” I paused, not believing what I heard. No way was he getting off that easy. “Are you serious? That was supposed to be your heartfelt apology?”
Cowboy turned back to me and sighed. “I know we’re going to run into each other from time to time, with you being Bobbie Jo’s friend and all, so I think we should try to at least remain friends.”
“Y-you’re giving me the friend card after all we’ve…” My voice warbled and tears formed in my eyes. “Do you not even care how much you’re hurting me right now?”
His fingers gripped the corner of the desk until his knuckles turned white. “Damn it, I’m trying to give you a polite rejection, but you keep pushing. Anna, I’m not responsible for your feelings. We just got wrapped up in this and…” He squeezed his eyes shut, as if it pained him to continue. But that didn’t stop him from doing so. “I’m starting to get bored, okay?”
My hand slapped across his face so hard, his head turned. Probably harder than I even intended, but the bastard deserved it. And I wasn’t going to apologize. Not to him. Not after what he’d done to me. “You know, I guess you were right about one thing from the beginning, Cowboy. You are a piece of shit.” Then I turned and marched out of the office, slamming the door behind me.
I held my tears at bay until I pulled out of the fire station parking lot. Then I couldn’t stop them. Clenching the steering wheel tightly, I navigated the roads through misty eyes as I replayed Cowboy’s words in my head. My heart burst all over again.
He hadn’t felt anything for me the whole time. Only pretended long enough to get me into bed. Now that his mission had been accomplished, he was looking for a fun new toy to play with. Which kept me wondering if he hadn’t really snuck off to see Mandy the night of the fire, after all. Bastard.
The vague, pathetic excuses had left me unsatisfied until I pushed him into telling me the real reason he’d dumped me. The novelty of our relationship had worn off. Relationship. What a joke. Meaningless sex was hardly referred to as a relationship. But it hadn’t been meaningless. Not for me. Because I was in love with— Oh God! I was in love with…a selfish, arrogant prick!
Apparently, I had been for years. Only difference now was that I actually knew it. And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. Especially since I wasn’t even sure what had gone wrong. Maybe I’d come across too needy. Or maybe I…
No! This isn’t my fault. This is on him.
He had betrayed my trust, not the other way around. He had used me for sex and then calmly walked all over me like a doormat. Well, never again. Never again would I give my heart to a man…especially since I’d left all the broken pieces of mine at Cowboy’s feet.