Pieces of Summer (A stand-alone novel)(75)

She wraps her arm around my shoulders as I continue to stare at the eagle statues.

“I think you’re probably the first person I’ve ever met that deserved nothing but good things. You’ve been dealt a shit hand. Don’t thank me, Mika. You deserve a hell of a lot more than you’re letting yourself have, and I don’t know if I’m being a good person or a terrible one by helping you out.”

I laugh humorlessly, and she sighs while dropping her arm from around my shoulders.

“Does your brother know you’re out of the hospital?”

I shake my head. “I had everyone removed from the list except for Dr. Stein and you. I also had them take me out through the rear entrance. A week of that place has my skin smelling like antiseptic no matter how many showers I take. Thanks for letting me crash at your place last night, by the way.”

She nods, seeming lost in thought. Finally, she speaks.

“All my life, I’ve focused on being someone more than a pretty waitress like my momma. You gave me a chance. Seems like small-minded goals for some, but it meant the world to me.” She looks at me, and I see that f*cking pity I hate. “You don’t even complain. Your life was basically stolen from you, and you don’t even complain. You just fight. I feel like a failure for all my whining.”

I laugh for real, and lean over to grab my purse from the ground. “Whit, I’m not that great. I do wish my life was more than it is. And I have cried about it, thrown myself pity parties, and wallowed in my own despair.” Sighing, I turn back to face her. “Life sucks. It’s just that simple. Everyone stays alive because they’re not ready to die.”

The look in her eyes has me regretting my words, because tears well up and pain settles in her gaze. I’m tired of people feeling sorry for me. Tired of them being tethered to my shit. I’m just… tired.

“Should I be worried about you being on your own?” she asks me.

“That wasn’t a suicidal comment,” I tell her with a forced smile. “That was a stated fact. If I was going to kill myself, I would have already done it. No worries.”

She doesn’t look convinced, but at least I’m being honest.

Tucking my purse against my side, I walk outside to where Chuck is waiting with my car. He flashes me a smile filled with sympathy. I’ve been choking on everyone’s f*cking sympathy.

“Thanks for doing this,” I tell him as I climb in the car.

“Anything for you. You’ve done a lot for me. Hope he appreciates what you’re doing for him.”

He won’t. He’ll hate me like I hated him. But that’s not what Chuck is talking about.

“He’ll treat you good,” I tell him with a forced smile.

He sighs as I glance back at the bags Chuck grabbed from my house. For the first time in my life, I’m truly on my own. I wish I could say that didn’t terrify me, but I’m tired of lying to myself.

At least I don’t have to worry about what I’m doing to everyone else around me anymore.

My eyes glance over at the bowling alley one last time, and I wipe away the first tear that falls. There will be many more tears to keep me company.





Chapter 44


CHASE



“Kiss me,” Gina says, leaning against me.

I don’t want to kiss her. I just want to use her to forget. Touching anyone else feels wrong… dirty… My stomach roils, but I drink more, numbing myself.

I’m sick of thinking about Mika. I’m sick of missing her. I’m sick of… every-f*cking-thing.

“I said kiss me,” Gina repeats.

I turn up the bottle of whiskey again instead of responding to her, and drink until it hurts a little less. Never thought I’d be the James boy everyone said I was.

People dance, people sing, people act like these are the greatest years of our life, and I watch it all from the outside. No one here gives a f*ck about me. Most of these people—including Gina—would be ashamed to speak to me outside of this damn party. Everyone just likes to party at my place, since the cops don’t come around here and bother my parents. Mom makes sure of that.

This is now the party grounds where the party doesn’t get raided, and everyone can get shit-faced. Glad I can contribute. It’s better than drinking alone.

“Chase,” Gina groans, licking the shell of my ear.

Maybe I can get over Mika if I stop letting her be the only one I’ve ever had. If I stop worshipping every memory of her in my mind, maybe it’ll hurt less. Maybe I can move on like she will.

Just the thought of someone else touching her again has me ready to punch something. She f*cked someone else before me. She’s probably already f*cking some douche who’s on the path to be a lawyer or some shit. She’s probably f*cking someone who deserves her.

Her latest letter is crumpled in my back pocket, and I can’t read it. Just like I haven’t read any of them since summer began and my dreams ended. Fucking ridiculous. All of it. I was stupid to ever think it would end differently.

“Yeah,” I tell Gina, dropping my drink as I grab her by the waist. The bottle falls to the ground, and I jerk open my jeans as bile rises to my throat. “Spread your legs.”

She complies with a smile on her lips, and I roll on a condom right in the middle of the party. People might have an issue with being associated with a James in public, but no one has a problem f*cking one.