Picking Up the Pieces (Pieces, #2)(99)

I watched the storm brew just beneath the surface of her skin before she unleashed it. “Fuck you, Max. Our relationships aren’t the same. I love Adam, more than someone like you could ever possibly understand.”

“I didn’t say you didn’t love him. I said you weren’t in love with him. There’s a big difference.”

She scoffed. “So who am I in love with then, huh? You?”

“I don’t know.” I deflected my eyes toward the table, unable to stand the uncertainty in my voice and the venom in hers.

“What else is new? The man with no answers, no solutions, rears his ugly head. Why don’t you tell me something you do know then? Since you evidently have so much insight into my life, let’s hear what else ya got?”

“I may not know how you feel about me, though I think I could guess.” I lifted my eyes to hers, needing to find strength now more than ever. “But I do know how I feel about you. I’ve been in love with you since you dropped your bag at my feet in that airport. And instead of diminishing with time like I hoped it would, my love for you just keeps f*cking growing. It consumes me. I can’t love a perfect girl like Mary because I’m too hung up on this infuriating, stubborn, beautiful woman sitting in front of me.”

Her posture was rigid, but her features had relaxed. She was at least listening. That was all I could have hoped for.

I resumed, my eyes blazing into hers, revealing the biggest truth I’d ever told. “You don’t want me, and I don’t want anybody else. So I’ll just be . . . left behind. Left to pick up the pieces of my dreams and my heart when you get up from this table and walk away, shattering them both because the girl who means everything never even gave me a chance to mean something.”

I sat back in my chair, drained, and watched as Lily brought a hand to her eyes and wiped the tears from them. I gave her the moment she needed since she had given me mine.

When she finally looked back at me, my heart fell. The look on her face was sheer . . . determination. And I knew right then that I’d lost her. I’d put it all out there, and it hadn’t been enough.

“I know that . . . God, I’m such a bitch, Max.”

“No, doll. You’re not.”

Her head jerked toward me at my term of endearment. I hadn’t said it to her in over a year. At least not so she would hear it. But I wasn’t going to miss my opportunity now, when it would be the last chance I’d have.

“I am. I’ve been intentionally cold and distant because you scare me. The way you see me, it’s so . . . accurate. Except for one thing. I am in love with Adam. Our relationship isn’t always easy or perfect, but it’s real. And I can’t walk away from it just because you want me to. I need to want to. But I don’t. I’m so sorry, Max. I’m sorry I can’t be what you need, or what you hoped. I’ll always be sad for that.” She hesitated slightly. “But I think you’re wrong. I think you love the idea of me: the crazy, uninhibited version of Lily. But that’s not who I really am. It was an illusion. Give things with Mary a chance. A real chance. I think she’ll be good for you.”

She got up to leave, but I couldn’t let her go thinking that I didn’t see her. The real her. “I know the difference between reality and illusions. And I know that the Lily I was close to was much more real than the one who’s standing in front of me right now. There’s nothing about you that I don’t see. And you damn well know it.”

I watched her jaw set as she turned on her heels and started walking away. I wasn’t surprised. Lily leaving me was an image I was all too familiar with. What did shock me, was when she stopped.

Without turning around, and in a voice so low, I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly at first, she asked, “Do you know when my birthday is?”

“Of course. March 23rd. Why?”

Her breathing deepened and her shoulders crumbled slightly. She turned her head to look partway over her shoulder at me. “Nothing. It’s not important.”

“Everything about you is important, Lily.”

Her face scrunched as if it were holding back tears. Then she turned quickly away from me, and was gone.





Chapter 37: Lily


I allowed myself the drive home from Atlantic City to think about what had happened between Max and me. He’d told me he loved me. He’d opened up to me in a way that he hadn’t ever done before. It wasn’t done out of anger or frustration, or in the heat of the moment, like he’d done in the past. He’d said those things when he was calm, self-assured, and completely sober. And despite the fact that his analysis of my relationship with Adam had been off-base, I could respect it. Regardless of what he thought my reaction might have been, he’d had the confidence to express his feelings. And part of me loved him for that, for how truthful and vulnerable he’d allowed himself to be. Mainly because I knew how difficult those two traits can be to show.

But once we were home, I forced all Max-centered thoughts from my brain. I figured all cities with casinos should be treated equally. What happens in Atlantic City, stays in Atlantic City, I told myself. And not surprisingly, I was able to focus on other things fairly easily, especially with the wedding coming up.

When Amanda had asked me to be her maid of honor, I’d anticipated the agonizing responsibilities that go with the title: planning the shower and bachelorette party, shopping for dresses, and making sure all of the little necessities were accounted for. But luckily, Amanda had done most of the planning on her own, which meant I was just along for the ride.