Picking Up the Pieces (Pieces, #2)(98)

We hadn’t been dating long, but I saw her and our future with an acuity that was unparalleled—definitely different from the murky image I had when I tried to envision a future with Lily. Mary was all white picket fence and flower gardens. She was comfort and stability. She was willing to build a life with me.

But as I got out of bed and pulled some clothes out of my suitcase, I knew that, no matter how long I sat and stared at her and pictured our future together, it would never be the future I’d want.

***

I caught Lily coming out of the girls’ hotel room twenty minutes later. It had been difficult to pass off the meeting as a coincidence, but she seemed to buy it. And when she said she was going down to get breakfast, I quickly said that that had been my destination as well and invited myself along.

We were silent as we walked down the hallway toward the elevator. Lily pushed the down button and we waited . . . in more silence. Finally, the doors opened and we climbed aboard, each settling against opposing walls.

We hadn’t descended much when Lily cleared her throat. “Mary said she’d heard a lot about me. What exactly did she hear?”

I inwardly smiled at her question. So she does care what I have to say about her. But this really wasn’t the conversation I wanted to have. “She was just being nice,” I replied with a wink.

“Whatever,” Lily huffed and threw some of her hair behind her shoulder.

She’s such a damn child sometimes. “Do you talk to Adam about me?” I knew the answer to this, but I wanted to prove my point. Why should I stroke her ego when she pushed me to the deepest recesses of her mind on a daily basis?

“I don’t need to talk about you. Adam already knows you.”

I lifted off the wall and took a large step toward her before I had even processed the movement. “He doesn’t know the first thing about me.” My voice was tight, trying to mask the anger that simmered beneath it.

We stared at each other for what seemed an interminable amount of time. Then the doors slid open and Lily bolted off the elevator. “I’m gonna go for a walk instead.”

I watched her rush away from me before my brain remembered its mission. Pride doesn’t have a place here, Max. This is your last shot. I caught her around the arm just before she reached the sliding doors that led onto the boardwalk. “I told her you helped me. That you were a great friend when I needed one the most. But that our friendship was just . . .” I let out a sigh, “too difficult to maintain.”

She looked at me for a moment before she changed course and began walking toward the hotel restaurants. I fell into step beside her.

“She seems great. Fun and smart. Perfect for you.”

I looked over at her to see her peering up at me shyly. “Yeah, she’s really amazing.” We made our way to the hotel’s buffet and were shown a table. After placing our drink orders, we tackled the buffet separately.

I returned to the table to find Lily already there, a bowl of fruit and a bowl of cereal spread out in front of her.

“That’s all you’re eating?”

“It was kind of a rough night. I don’t want to go too hard on my stomach.”

I nodded my understanding and started in on my plate that was overflowing with waffles, bacon, and countless other breakfast favorites.

“Hungry, fella?” Lily asked sarcastically, though I could see the amusement in her eyes.

"Yeah, well, I tried that horrendous Paleo diet Shane's always going on about. I've never been so hungry in my life. I'm still trying to reclaim all of the carbs I lost."

"How long were you on it?" she asked as she lifted a spoonful of cereal to her mouth.

"About five hours," I replied casually.

Lily burst out laughing and the sound was like a punch to the gut. I hadn’t heard the sound in months, and I knew that, after today, I may never hear it again.

We ate and chatted about what we’d been up to. I finally told her about my job and she gushed just as I knew she would.

“I’m so happy for you, Max. Really. Everything seems to be falling into place. You deserve that.” Her words were sincere, but there was another emotion lingering in her eyes. Sadness? “Well, I think I’m going to go check on Amanda. Shane showed up at Swanky last night and they went to talk. She never came back to the room, which I assume is a good sign,” she smiled warmly, “but I’d like to make sure anyway. It was good seeing you, Max.”

Just as she was starting to stand up, I blurted, “Lily, can I ask you something?” I watched her settle back in her chair, preparing herself for what I might ask. Too bad I had no f*cking idea how to say what I wanted to know. So I just let it fall out of my mouth and hoped for the best. “How do you do it?”

She looked confused. “Do what?”

“Pretend to be in love with someone you’re not.”

Her face hardened and her entire body tensed. “I wouldn’t know,” she ground out.

I looked deeply into her eyes and whispered, “I find that very hard to believe.”

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

I struggled to retain my sense of calm. “I’m a man who needs to know.”

“Why?” she spat.

I was thankful for her intensely curious nature, because I knew that it was the only thing keeping her in her seat. “Mary is everything I could ever want. Successful, driven, beautiful, kind. We haven’t been together long, but she loves me. Or at least she could love me, probably one day soon. And as much as I try to tell myself to, I can’t return even a fraction of the affection that she has for me. So as much as I want to hold onto her, to see if something grows with this person who you even said yourself is perfect for me, I’m not going to. Because I know that keeping her with a lie will only hurt her more in the long run. So that leads me to wonder. If even I can’t do that to someone,” I said, looking deeply into her eyes, “how can you?”