Picking Up the Pieces (Pieces, #2)(66)

Despite the fact that awkward conversations seemed to have become a part of my daily repertoire lately, I just couldn’t seem to accept that having them was a part of life. But last Wednesday, after only speaking to Lily through a few short texts, it became abundantly clear that my conversation with Eva was not one I could avoid. Not if I wanted Lily to forgive me. And certainly not if I wanted her to love me. Which I definitely did.

So on Wednesday night, I decided to tell Eva that Lily and I had been seeing each other. Evidently, I repressed most of the conversation into the recesses of my memory because I’m not exactly sure what I said. I do know that I didn’t mention that we’d dated the year before. That would only complicate things and put a strain on Eva’s trust in me.

Surprisingly, it seemed I didn't completely lie to Lily: Eva did take the news relatively well. She respected Lily, liked her even. She seemed genuinely happy that I’d found someone I enjoyed spending time with. The conversation had been shockingly less awkward than I’d anticipated, and Eva had truly seemed okay with the situation.

But when that conversation had been followed by Eva puking her guts up for the next four days, I couldn’t help but wonder if her illness had been at all related to thoughts of her father banging her former teacher. But as bad as the weekend had been, I’d found a strange comfort in it. The role of loving father was one I knew well. I could play it well with little to no effort.

The role of loving boyfriend seemed completely different, however. As hard as I tried, life kept interfering with my relationship with Lily. I’d cancelled on her Thursday night to stay home with Eva. And though I knew she understood why I couldn’t go to the game, a part of me felt guilty for ditching her.

I felt we needed to talk about everything that had happened, so I invited her out to lunch. I needed to be honest about why I’d led Lily to believe that I’d told Eva about us when I hadn’t. And I needed to come clean about why I’d gone to her house unannounced the night Max had come to see me. I couldn’t ignore the hypocrisy I felt knowing that I’d kept important information from Lily when I’d condemned her for doing the same to me.

This was different though. I had a reason for keeping things from her. I had done it to protect her feelings.

Then why did I feel so nervous about talking to her? My foot tapped uncontrollably on the floor underneath the table as I waited for her to arrive. I’d already checked my watch at least six times since arriving at the restaurant. I knew she had her lunch break and should have been there by now.

But somehow, at the sound of the bell jingling on the door, I felt a wave of relief undulate through me. It was like some strange variation of Pavlov’s dogs. Her presence alone set me at ease.

“Hi,” she said quietly as she took a seat across from me. “Sorry I’m late. I had a student finishing a test.”

My hand found hers, and I ran my thumb across her skin. The feeling soothed my nerves even more. “It’s fine. I’m just glad you came.” I thought I saw confusion in her eyes. She probably wondered why I thought she might not show up. I wasn’t so sure why I thought that myself. “It’s been a crazy few days,” I said as if that helped to explain my behavior lately. “I just had some things I thought we needed to talk about.”

“I’m guessing one of them is why you didn’t tell Eva about us.” Her voice was flat, calm even. If she’d been angry, it didn’t show now. “How’s she feeling, by the way?”

Even though Lily clearly had a right to be angry, she still had the courtesy to ask about Eva’s health. That only made me feel shittier. “She’s doing a lot better. Just a bad stomach virus. Thanks for asking.” I sat back to allow the waitress to put our food on the table. “I hope you don’t mind. I wanted to make sure you ate, so I ordered for us before you got here. Chicken salad’s okay, right?”

“Yeah, perfect. Thanks.” The smile that spread across her face seemed genuine.

I hadn’t been sure if my gesture would have been seen as thoughtful or controlling. Thankfully, she seemed to appreciate it. “Anyway,” I continued hesitantly, “I think I owe you an explanation . . . for why I didn’t tell Eva about us.”

Lily raised her eyebrows, waiting for me to explain.

“I’d planned to tell her. I just never did. I mean, I did, but not until the other day.” I shoveled a few fries into my mouth, along with a bite of my burger to give me time to gather my jumbled thoughts. Lily’s eyes remained locked on mine. I wasn’t getting out of this easily. “It’s just . . . weird. You know . . . telling your daughter that you’re sleeping with her teacher.”

"Well I hope you didn’t use the sleeping together line as an icebreaker. I don’t think details are necessary.”

I thought I saw her crack a smile, which thankfully served to lessen the tension. “I didn’t give her all the details. Or any really. I just told her we’d been dating for a little while.” I’d hoped that Lily would be relieved that I’d finally told Eva, but she looked agitated. “What? What’s wrong?” I studied Lily’s face for an answer that I didn’t find. “That’s what you wanted, right? For Eva to know?”

She shook her head, clearly disappointed. “I wasn’t upset you didn’t tell Eva. I was upset that you told me you did.”