Perfectly Imperfect(89)
Picking up the phone, I reread the last section and smile when I realize they gravely miscalculated. I know they’re trying to hurt me, but because the article doesn’t even mention them past just a fleeting comment, I know their use was over. They were only named to give a little credibility to the source, but if they had planned better, they could have used me to breathe some life back into their dying sails.
It shouldn’t feel as good as it does to know that they will fail in their aim to hurt me. And honestly, now that I’m faced with the reality they tried, I don’t care.
I really don’t care because I meant it when I said that by telling them I forgave them, I would be able to move on and they couldn’t touch me anymore. I feel lighter as I continue to read.
They continue to speculate on the seriousness of Kane’s ‘new relationship,’ but it’s obvious they don’t know much because, besides the grainy pictures of us, there are no real facts.
I return to my search page and thumb through a few more articles. None of the other links giving any more information than the fact Kane has another woman in his life who isn’t Mia Post.
And then I find the fan-driven page full of comments about Kane’s new woman. Not all of them negative, but a great number comparing me to Mia. I skim through the comments and feel sick at the number of them that voice the same fears I had at the beginning of our relationship.
That I’m not worthy of him.
That he can do better.
And more comments than I can count comparing me, my body, and my looks to Mia.
Surprisingly, when I finish, there is no residual pain from seeing them rip into me. The fear that I wouldn’t be strong enough to handle what the public had to say about me, the judgment that I had forever tried to avoid from others, means nothing. For once, I don’t care what others think about me because if I’ve learned anything in the last two months, it’s that the only opinion that matters is my own.
Those chains that had been keeping me from finally letting go of my past and growing into someone stronger snap the instant my phone is lowered to the bed. I know now that no matter what happens next, I’m strong enough to handle it. I might be scarred, and I might come away with burns that will never heal, but if I walk away without fighting for Kane and our love, then I might not ever be able to move on with my life.
I became the change that I had wanted for myself. Two months, four years, a decade ago—I never would have believed this was possible. I would have ran and hidden behind my fears. And even though I long for Kane and the added strength his love gives me, I deserve so much more than what I had been prepared to live with.
I deserve all of him just as I’ve given him all of me.
I lie down, pulling the covers tight against me as a few tears fall from my eyes. Even with the knowledge I’m no longer weak and afraid, I’m still so full of fear that I will lose Kane in the end. Part of me wants to run back to him and tell him that it doesn’t matter, I don’t need the truth as long as I have him, but I know now that I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t prove to myself that I know I deserve more.
He might not have been completely honest with me because of a promise that he had made to Mia, but if he didn’t tell me because of the child, I’m not sure what that means for us. How can I compete with that? How can I expect him to choose me when this child would need its father?
It’s time to face the fact that no matter how great our love might be it just might not be able to hold up when faced with the very real possibility that Mia might be carrying his child.
“God, what now?”
GODDAMN VULTURES.
Mia called an hour after we hung up to let me know that reporters had swamped my gate. The paparazzi are in full bloodlust over the rumors of my ‘love triangle.’ I had spent enough time looking at the shit on the web to know they were painting Willow as the other woman while Mia was suffering through my infidelity.
What a bunch of bullshit.
Lies I’m at the mercy of because I can’t say shit. A bed I made for myself because I didn’t do anything to ensure that Willow would be prepared for them when the news hit. But even if I had and she was by my side, I would never throw Mia to the wolves by giving life to their scandalous rumors.
My publicist had told me to keep my mouth shut, deny it all and let my little fling just go home. His advice was to use this to keep the fire blazing while he uses the attention to get Impenetrable into as many hands as possible when they started asking questions. Turning my personal hell into his gain.
Needless to say, he was f*cking shocked when I fired him right then and there. No one, and I mean no one, will use Willow in a negative way just to pad his pockets. I could give a shit about Impenetrable right now, not when my future is hanging on by a thread while this shit storm boils over and starts to take out everything around me.
“Let’s go, Cam,” I shout through the house and wait for him to come into view.
“Didn’t Kole tell you it might not be a good idea?”
I look over at Cam sharply. “Does it look like I give a shit?”
Cam’s all-knowing glare is the only response that I get.
“I can’t just sit here and not go to her, Cam.” I lean back against the wall that takes us to the garage and drop my head back. “What am I supposed to do? Just bring Mia here and let the press go apeshit that on the heels of Willow’s exit Mia came running to me?”