Paradise Found: Cain (Paradise #2)(55)
“I don’t care,” I hissed, rubbing a hand over my head. I was losing control. I needed to rein it in, or I was going to scare her away. She was standing in front of me and I couldn’t lose her again. My hand came down to rest on her arm.
“I’m sorry,” escaped from my lips. “I’m sorry,” I repeated. It wasn’t for reacting to the guys touching her. It was for everything. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, pulling her close to me. She fumbled at the force of my pull and fell against my chest. Wrapping my other arm around her, I held her close to me. She was tense and reserved, and I didn’t like the feeling. I didn’t want her hesitation, but I knew where that came from. It came from me.
“Don’t give up on me,” I muttered into her hair. “Please, hold onto me, Sofie.”
“I need to go,” she muttered into my chest, pushing back from me.
“No,” I bit. Taking a deep breath, I tried again. “I mean; you just got here. You’re having fun, right? Stay. I’ll … I’ll just …” I stepped away from her. I wanted her to stay, even if I couldn’t have her. I wanted to envision her in my space. I had imagined it, but tonight dreams were coming true. She was here.
I put my hands up, as if to surrender, then rubbed once again across my head. I retreated slowly, one deliberate step at a time. My hands dug into my jeans and I spun to walk away. It was the hardest step I’d ever taken, but if I didn’t walk away I couldn’t be held responsible for what I’d do next.
It was more difficult than I expected to see him. Some sick sense in me wanted to witness what he’d done. Abel kept me subtly informed, telling me about the gym, the improvements, and the hard work Cain had been putting into getting the place up and running. His dedication was impressive. His determination to get things finished, and quickly, was astonishing.
The harder part was how good he looked. So fit. So strong. Still so damn tempting. I couldn’t be near him, despite my anger at how he behaved and what his father had done. I wanted to hate him, and in many ways, I did. My body just hadn’t gotten the memo. The pull to him was strong and I didn’t trust myself to speak. His warm hand on my back radiated heat straight to the core of me. The rhythm of my heart increased as he led me around the room.
Jealousy had already taken over me, and I promised myself I wouldn’t give into that evil again, but when he showed me the bedroom, my mind imagined all the things I’ve been trying to block out over the last month. Him wrapped in the long legs of a large snake, specifically those of that tramp from the fight. I didn’t want to think of it. I’d worked so hard avoiding the media, not wanting to know who he’d been doing this past month. His fingertip on my chin wasn’t enough. My body hummed to be close to him. Foolishly, I wanted him to wrap me up and apologize. I wanted him to tell me I was wrong in all the terrible things I thought, but it wasn’t right. We weren’t right. His father killed my parents. He kissed a girl in front of me, in front of everyone. I was his wife. The thought made me sad, actually.
I’d taken the step to question Kursch about those infamous divorce papers. They were somewhere, signed, and waiting. He couldn’t give me a good enough answer as to why Cain kept holding onto them. Cain had asked me to stay married to him, and I tried not to think about that second proposal because it only brought on more tears. First, they were tears of anger, just like before, when he left me at my grandparents’ inn. Then the tears turned to reality: heartbreak. Again. He’d done it again, only this time, he ripped my heart out. The cobra struck and its venom stilled my heart instantly. I didn’t want to hate him, but I did. It was easier to tell myself that, than to admit I had loved him, and he hadn’t loved me.
He walked away at the grand opening, and I remained on edge, finally asking Abel if he could take me home. He was relieved to leave as Elma was getting hit on by both Malik and Ray. It was like the two were battling to hold her interest, more in competition with each other than concerned about keeping Elma’s attention. Her sunny smile was blinding to both boys, but their focus was on getting it to beam on one versus the other. I could almost imagine the struggle Cain might have to train those two. They were natural rivals.
Lindee Parks had been an intermittent source of support. It was through jagged sobs I finally admitted my defeat to her – I’d married Cain. The quiet that surrounded those words, once I poured them out, was a weight so heavy I cried harder. Strangely, she took pity on my embarrassment over a failed marriage that I didn’t know existed and a broken heart for a man I’d never understand.
“I saw Cain,” I said, sighing through the phone when I called her the night after the opening.
“And what didn’t he say this time?” Lindee snipped. Despite all the unanswered phone calls, and texts on my end, my friends thought Cain should have done more when it was me who ignored him. They didn’t know Cain like I did. Sometimes it was in the things Cain didn’t say, his body language, the way he held himself back when he wanted to move forward that spoke volumes. His natural instinct was to strike without thinking, and the wound would go deep.
“He told me I was beautiful,” I exhaled, “and he said he was happy I was there.”
“Words, Sofie, honey, just words,” Lindee reminded me, reminiscent of her lecture about loving a fighter. The promises made in words were intense, just like everything else they did. They fought hard; made love harder, but their words were half-truths.