PULSE (Part Four)(18)

"I f*cked this up more than once." He bites his bottom lip. "I am going to work every single f*cking day of my life to make you want me as much as I want you. I will wait forever for you. Forever, Jessica. Don't doubt that."
I don't respond. I just stare at his face. My heart is telling me that he means it. My head wants to embrace it.
"I love you, Jessica. I f*cking love you." He swallows hard just as I see the pool of tears in his left eye. "My life is nothing without you. Nothing. The day you get that will be the happiest day of my life."
I can't handle the emotion in the room. I can feel the weight of it suffocating me. "No. The happiest day of your life will be when you get to come in me without a rubber."
He licks his bottom lip. "That's going to happen sooner than you think."

Chapter 20

"How many women have you f*cked in here?" I'm sitting in one of the chairs opposite his desk while he works.
"In here?" He doesn't break his gaze from his laptop screen.
"Christ, you're annoying as f*ck sometimes," I tease. "Is that like a lawyer thing?"
"Is what like a lawyer thing?" He reaches for a manila folder on his desk.
"That diverting thing you do." I playfully punch my fist into the folder. "You do it all the time. You ask me the same question I ask you."
"I don't do that." He smirks as he pushes my hand to the side. "That's quite a fist you have there."
"Have you f*cked that receptionist?" I nod back towards the area outside his closed office door.
"What?" His head bolts up. I finally have his full attention.
I look directly into his eyes. "Have you banged her in here?"
He furrows his brow as he leans back in his office chair. "You're asking me if I've rammed my dick into my receptionist here in my office?"
"Seriously?" I try not to laugh. "You just did it again."
"I didn't," he says softly. "On both counts."
"She hates me." It sounds as childish leaving my lips as it does when I think about it.
"My receptionist hates you?" He can't hold in his obvious amusement. "That makes you think I banged her?"
"She never says my name correctly." I push my bottom lip out in a fat pout. "She did it again today."
He stands, walks with determined steps around the desk and leans against it. "Jessica." He reaches forward as he drags the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip. "You want to suck me off, don't you?"
I laugh at the no-so-subtle request. "The receptionist, Nathan," I whisper as I run my hand down his pants and trace the outline of his erection.
He slowly pulls the belt out of its loop before the sound of the zipper lowering fills the room. "She has a lisp, Jessica."

***

"I just didn't think I'd have to live here alone without you." I hug Bryce tightly at the doorway to our apartment. "You got engaged so fast."
"I love her a lot, Jess." He reaches to pick up the last of his boxes from the floor. "I'm so excited for this. You're going to come over tomorrow night, right?"
"It's my night off." I remind him and myself. "I'll be there at seven. I'm cooking, so don't touch anything. I'll bring everything I need."
"You just need to talk to her, Jess." He motions towards Rebecca's closed bedroom door. "You two need to have it out with each other. Until you do that, it's always going to be like this."
I nod as I watch him walk through the door and out of my everyday life for good. He's right. Until I talk to Rebecca about what happened with Nathan, things are never going to be right between us. There's no time like the present.
"Did he go?" Her voice startles me enough that I almost lose my balance. I have to wonder if she was listening to the two of us talking about her.
"He's gone," I offer as I finally turn to face her. "You didn't come out to say goodbye."
She shrugs her shoulders. "We weren't close. Not like you and I…"
"I'm still looking for a place." I want her to realize that I was serious when I told her that I'd be moving out too. Every night when I get home after work, I scurry to my room like a timid mouse afraid that the big, bad cat will catch me in its grips.
"You don't have to." She doesn't pull her gaze from the floor. "It would be cool if you stayed. We can look for another roommate."
The offer is touching, albeit completely misplaced. I know that she has to feel the same awkward tension floating through the air every time we happen upon one another. She's gotten surprisingly good at avoiding me at all costs. "I think I need to go."
"I'm sorry about everything, Jess." Her voice cracks slightly. "I was just trying to help."
"You've helped me more than anyone I've ever known." They aren't just words strung together to appease her anxiety. They are real, true and meant with love and affection. "You helped me escape Connecticut and my life with Josh."
"Bryce told me you were thinking of going back." She finally looks at me. "You can't, Jess. It's a hellhole."
I laugh out loud at the description. "It is a hellhole." I nod my head in eager agreement. "I don’t belong there. I don't really belong anywhere right now," I whisper. It's not meant to garner any sympathy from her. It's just how I feel.