One To Watch(59)

It felt like the beginning.





TRANSCRIPT OF PRODUCER INTERVIEW WITH BEA’S MOTHER, SUE


Time stamp: 3:17pm


Producer: I understand you spoke with Nash and Cooper in the kitchen earlier today. What did you three chat about?

Sue: Oh, the real estate agent! And that surfer, I wish he would wash his hair. We had a lice outbreak in my class this year, and we learned how important it is to check your scalp regularly. If that Cooper doesn’t watch himself, he could be absolutely covered in lice.

Producer: That’s good advice, Sue. Is that what you talked about?

Sue: Yes, as a matter of fact! Oh, and then I asked those nice boys if they would run out and get some ice cream for the group. I thought the kids would love that. I certainly would have picked some up if I’d been allowed to cater this affair.

Producer: Sue, we’ve been all through this, the production uses outside catering for our events. We can’t have you cooking all day, we need you free to talk to us, like you’re doing now!

Sue: That’s fine, but I would have picked up some ice cream.

Producer: So you sent Nash and Cooper to the grocery store?

Sue: Heavens, no! We only buy from the nice dairy farm up the road. It’s the most marvelous place, you can see all the cows, and they make the ice cream fresh every day! I sent them there with Tim.

Producer: But Tim is here, playing capture the flag. And Nash and Cooper aren’t back.

Sue: Well, that’s ridiculous. They went together. If Tim’s back, they’re all back. Maybe you should check again.





TRANSCRIPT OF PRODUCER INTERVIEW WITH CONTESTANTS NASH AND COOPER


Time stamp: 6:41pm


Producer: When did you have a sense that something might be wrong?

Nash: It seemed weird that they wanted us to go get food. Like, aren’t there assistants for that? We’re on the show.

Producer: So why did you go?

Cooper: I don’t know, man. Bea’s brother was there, and he’s so fucking creepy. He was waving the truck keys at us. We just got in.

Producer: What happened then?

Nash: He said the place was just up the road, but he didn’t mention it was this long, winding backcountry dirt road with maybe fifteen turnoffs. And when we got there … the smell.

Cooper: I’ve never seen so many cows in my life. The stench, the manure … it was so much.

Producer: So did you get the ice cream?

Cooper: No, man! Tim dropped us off at some random gate, said we just had to walk through the cows and the ice cream shop was right there, that he was gonna go park. Then he fucking took off! We had to wade through a literal field of shit. A field. Of. Shit.

Producer: (laughs)

Nash: Hey, fuck you, man. It was not funny.

Producer: Come on, guys. It’s kind of funny.

Nash: We were in the middle of nowhere, with no humans, no directions, no phones—

Producer: No cameras.

Cooper: Exactly! It took us, what, three hours to find our way back to civilization?

Producer: And you smell like cows.

Cooper: (turns to Nash) Hey—do you think they did this because you called Bea a cow?

Nash: (realizes) Motherfucker.





EPISODE 5


“DESERTED”


(5 men left)


Shot on location in Marrakesh, Morocco


TRANSCRIPT OF CHAT FROM #SQUEEZE-MAINIACS SLACK CHANNEL


NickiG: Has everyone seen last night’s ep yet?? Bc I am ACTUALLY DYING here I don’t want to spoil but I need to discuss!!!!

Enna-Jay: Hard same

Beth.Malone: Hey, you guys know we don’t spoil any episodes until noon PT on Wednesdays, that’s the policy

NickiG: BETH CAN WE MAKE AN EXCEPTION

KeyboardCat: I’ve watched! Beth, have you?

Beth.Malone: I have, which I guess just leaves Colin. Colin, did you watch yet?

Colin7784: What, like I’m so into the show I watch it immediately, you think I have nothing better to do on a Monday night?

Beth.Malone:

Colin7784: Yeah, I watched

NickiG: GREAT, so Asher has kids?!?! Omg who saw this coming??

Enna-Jay: He was obviously hiding something

Enna-Jay: But this is like, so endearing

NickiG: Is it?? Or is he just abandoning his children to be kind of a douche to a nice lady on TV?

KeyboardCat: His son is the one who submitted him in the first place!

NickiG: Please Cat you’re a well-documented Asher apologist

KeyboardCat: Maybe I’m just a Bea stan and Asher is lit’rally her only viable option

Beth.Malone: Ummmmmm beg to differ how cute was her kiss with Luc?

KeyboardCat: Wait come on you don’t actually think Luc is there for the right reasons do you?

Beth.Malone: He’s the hot French chef we need in these dark times and I stand by him

Colin7784: Does Bea actually want to be an insta-mom tho?

Enna-Jay: She did say she wanted kids eventually

Colin7784: Sure, but eventually is different from like, right now

Beth.Malone: That’s actually a really good point

Colin7784: Wow Beth did it hurt you inside to say that

KeyboardCat: But also can I get a hallelujah that Nash and Cooper are finally gone?????

Enna-Jay: I know, how nice is it going to be to watch this show without any villains left? Just guys who ACTUALLY like Bea?