One To Watch(55)

“I’m sorry, I feel super weird about our first kiss being in front of your entire family and all these kids.”

“Yeah, understandably.” Bea laughed too.

“But next week?” He gazed into her eyes. “I hope?”

“That’s really what you want?”

“It is,” he asserted. “I hope you believe me.”

Bea honestly couldn’t tell whether she was lying or not when she assured him that she did.

Feeling dazed and overwhelmed, Bea wasn’t sure where to go next. She saw her parents hanging out by the food, but the idea of enduring her mother’s earnest questions about which of these men she planned to marry was more than she could bear. So she wandered toward the capture-the-flag game instead, where two of her sisters-in-law, Carol and Tina, were watching by the sidelines. But she stopped short as she approached and heard what they were discussing.

“I certainly don’t know what Asher was playing at,” Tina quipped, “leading Bea on and then pulling away.”

“She seemed so upset, poor thing,” Carol said kindly.

“Wouldn’t you be?” Tina took a big drink of wine. “She finally goes out on a limb for one of these guys and he just leaves her there alone! I would have quit the show then and there.”

You and me both, Bea thought bitterly. She took a step back—and nearly slammed right into her third sister-in-law, Julia, who looked chic as always in a black boatneck sweater, cropped jeans, and her signature red lipstick. She was carrying her baby, Alice, who was bundled in a soft blanket and sleeping like a perfect angel.

“Oh crap!” Bea exclaimed as quietly as she could so as not to wake the baby. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

“Moms with sleeping infants are real ninjas that way.” Julia winked. “You want to walk with me? The movement keeps her calm.”

“I’d love that,” Bea agreed, grateful to have an uncomplicated feeling for the first time all day—and equally grateful that their camera crew was filming them from ten feet away to give them at least the illusion of privacy. “How’s it going with her? Are you guys getting any sleep?”

“Believe it or not, I’m getting more than Duncan,” Julia confided. “He’s working so hard to keep the house in order so that I can focus on the baby, so protective of my time and energy.”

“Duncan?” Bea raised an eyebrow. “My brother Duncan?”

Julia laughed. “He’s come a long way since the days of railing against the anthropological farce of the American nuclear family.”

“Oh my God.” Bea rolled her eyes. “Honestly, who let him go to college?”

“No good came of it, that’s for sure.” Julia grinned. “It’s funny now, but at the beginning of our relationship, I was sure we’d never be long-term because he was so closed off and defensive, all his anti-marriage shtick.”

“Seriously?” Bea was incredulous. “It was obvious to me how crazy he was about you from day one.”

“Maybe,” Julia said with a shrug, “but he was also terrified of being vulnerable, of letting me in to the point where I could really hurt him. Anytime I tried to have a conversation with him about something real, he would make it into a joke or change the subject. It finally got so intolerable that I broke up with him.”

“What?” Bea was aghast. “How is it possible I never knew about this?”

“He came around pretty quickly,” Julia explained, “once he realized that he was only hurting himself preemptively, denying himself a relationship that could make him really happy. And I wonder … Bea, I hope you won’t get upset with me for saying this, but watching you, these past few weeks, I have to wonder if you aren’t going through something similar.”

“What do you mean?” Bea was genuinely puzzled. “If anything, the problem here is that none of these men wants me.”

“Okay, first of all, that’s definitely not true. What about Luc and Sam? And Asher, most of all?”

“I think Asher made it abundantly clear that he’s not attracted to me.” Bea sniffed.

“Yes he is.” Julia was thunderstruck. “I saw the look on his face when you were dancing. Whatever the reason he pulled away—I promise you, Bea, it isn’t that.”

“Then …” Bea looked at Julia, full of confusion. “Then why?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Julia answered. “But I think that question misses the point.”

“What do you mean?”

“On this show, you’re the one in charge. For three weeks, we’ve watched you freaking out that these men might not want you, when the entire show is structured around your decision of whether you want them. All this misery and self-effacement, I’m sorry, Bea, but it’s this version of you that Duncan and I don’t even recognize. You’re so poised, and self-possessed, and completely wonderful—how is it possible that these men you don’t even know are able to unmoor you in this way?”

Bea’s throat felt suddenly tight, and she struggled to find words—some words, any words. She stared blankly across the yard, when she saw Duncan talking with Asher, seemingly deep in conversation. A screen door slammed, and Asher looked up—he caught Bea’s eye as she was staring right at him, and her stomach jolted as she quickly looked away. After a moment, she looked back, and Asher was still there, gazing at her. He lifted a hand in greeting. Bea could barely make herself nod in return.