One Night to Risk It All(38)

“Are we going to stand here and pretend I made a stellar decision in sleeping with you when I was engaged to someone else? I don’t have it in me to lie like that.”

“Just to omit the truth when it suits you.”

“Shut up, Alex.”

“You just asked me to share about myself.”

“Then do that. But don’t throw stones at me. I can’t take it right now. I just...spilled my guts to you and I can’t take your criticism on top of it.”

Silence fell between them. A thick blanket that offered no warmth or comfort. Just a heavy awkwardness that made her skin break out into goose bumps.

He shook his head. “Sorry, I’m not overly shocked by your revelations since I used to catch live performances of what you did in that video in the halls of...of the Kouklakis compound. When I was a child,” he finished, the word hard and bitter. “I was protected, but only to a degree. You want me to tell you about things I’m ashamed of? I don’t even know what shame looks like.”

He turned away from her, his posture rigid, the defined muscles in his back standing out, tension radiating from him. “I’ve seen my own mother on her knees in front of a man. I’ve seen her beg and cry and offer favors for a chance to stay.” He turned back to her. “To take care of me, I thought. Because of love, I thought. But that wasn’t it. At least it wasn’t because she loved me. It was because she loved heroin and the man who owned it all. It was never for me. Fine, do you want to know what shame really feels like? Finding out your own mother loves drugs and sex more than she loves you. That’s shame. That burns, Rachel, in a way you can’t possibly imagine. You want to know what I know about family? There you are.”

“Alex...”

“Don’t,” he bit out, crossing to her. “I don’t need your pity. I am not that boy. I am not a victim. I got out by the skin of my teeth—I scraped my knuckles raw climbing out of that prison. I didn’t escape clean, but I escaped.”

“Is that why you hate Ajax so much? Because he got out and he’s done well for himself? Because he’s unaffected?”

“Of course that’s part of why I hate him.”

Because Ajax was so normal. And Alex was so broken. He didn’t say the words but she felt them between them. And she believed him.

“What happened when you left?”

He reached out, cupping the back of her head and pulling her forward. “I do not want to talk anymore.”

“Alex—”

He kissed her, his lips hard, crushing against hers.

“Don’t be afraid with me, Rachel,” he said, his hands skimming over her curves. “Don’t hide from me.”

“Alex,” she said again, his name a plea this time. For what, she wasn’t sure. For freedom? For a moment unleashed from the cage she’d locked herself in.

“There’s no shame with me,” he said against her lips. “None at all.”

His words pulled at something inside of her, at a need she’d been denying for so long. Rooted out the guilt that had been tangled around her soul like a creeping vine.

“You want me,” he said, kissing her neck, her collarbone. “Tell me that you want me.”

“I can’t...”

“Tell me what you want,” he said, his voice firm as he lowered his head and sucked her nipple deep into his mouth.

“We just did this, like, a half an hour ago,” she said, gasping, her head falling back.

“Yes. I know. And you want me again already. Because you’re passionate, Rachel, no matter what you think. Because you have desire. So much. And it’s beautiful.”

Her throat closed, something shifting in her chest. She took a sharp breath, trying to hold back the sudden, unexpected rush of emotion. She didn’t have time for it. Not now. Not when Alex was kissing her like this. Not when he was taking that old memory she’d just shared and twisting it, changing the way she felt about it. Changing the way she felt about herself.


“Tell me what you want,” he growled.

“You,” she said.

“Tell me how I make you feel,” he said, raising his head, his teeth scraping against her neck before he sucked the gentle curve hard, drawing away the sting.

“I...I want you, Alex.”

“Like no one else?”

“No one else.”

He put his hand between her thighs, his thumb sliding over her clitoris while he pushed a finger deep inside of her. “Tell me,” he said again, a ragged edge to his voice that told her there would be no arguing with him. That told her she had to obey.

“I—” The words stuck in her throat, embarrassment, and self-protection slamming down and keeping her from saying anything.

“Tell me,” he said, “or you don’t get to come.”

“Alex,” she said, trying to be exasperated while his hands were working magic on her body. While he was holding her apart from paradise.

“I don’t have time for you to hide, agape. You want me, or you don’t. But you have to tell me.” He added a second finger, amped up the movements, pushing her closer but still not taking her there. And he knew it.

“I...I want you inside of me.”

He smiled, wicked, naughty. Thrilling. “I am inside of you.”