One Night With You (The Derrings #3)(67)

He grabbed her by the arms and gave her a small shake.

She still thought he loved Madeline? Did she know him so little? How could she think such a thing when all he thought about, all he craved, was her?

"I'm not pining after Madeline," he growled savagely. "You're the only woman…" He stopped himself just short of saying something truly regrettable. The sort of thing that gave a woman total control over a man.

"What?" she demanded.

Shaking his head, he released her and took a step back. Hands dropping limply to his sides, he stared at her, letting his silence speak for him.

"You don't love Madeline." She nodded as if only now realizing that fact, accepting it for the truth. "You don't know how. You're incapable of love."

"You're right, of course," he agreed, wondering at the dull ache her words caused. "I warned you of as much when I married you."

"Yes, you did." Her eyes took on a faraway look as she nodded again. "Although I didn't let that stop me from hoping. Foolish, I know." Her gaze snapped back to his, her eyes mysteriously moist. "But that's not good enough anymore. Not for me. I can't live like this."

"Like how?"

"In love with you," she confessed, her voice quick and desperate, harsh in the narrow corridor. Seth stared.

She smiled mildly. An indulgent, mirthless smile that only added to his bewilderment. Jane loved him? Panic and elation bubbled to life in his chest. He stomped down on the elation, cautioning himself to keep his head, to stay in control.

"Why do you think I became Aurora and followed you to Vauxhall? I wanted to be with you. Only you. Always you." Her smile slipped and her expression became one of infinite sadness. "I never stopped loving you. Not once all these years. But I see now you're not even remotely like the boy I once loved."

She dipped her head, her voice small and quiet, pulling at some forgotten part of himself that he refused to release. "I mourn him. That boy was not afraid to give his heart." Afraid? He stiffened. Through hard lips, he reminded, "I told you when we married not to expect—"

"Yes, yes." She lifted her gaze, a smile that failed to reach her eyes curving her full lips. "I know. You were unfailingly honest with me." She drew a deep breath. "That's all very well. Only I can't live like this anymore. I thought I could. I thought…" Her voice faded and she sighed. Rubbing her forehead, she looked suddenly tired. "I thought so many things. Mostly that my love could bring you around. But I was wrong. So wrong. Because not only can you not let yourself love—you forbid anyone around you to love either. Whether it's your sister… or me. I'm finished living my life at the whim of others, Seth."

"What are you saying, Jane?"

"I think I'm being fairly clear." Her gaze drilled into his steadily. "You can't love. And you won't let me love you." A small, tired laugh escaped her. "So what's the point of any of this?" Before he could respond Rebecca arrived at his side, her words spilling forth in an agitated rush,

"You need to attend to your sister, my lord. She is insisting on going after Mr. Knightly and wants me to help her pack."

Sighing, he nodded. Turning back to Jane, he said, "We'll finish this discussion when—"

"It's finished, Seth," she murmured, her words final in an oddly unsettling way. "Go. Do what you must."

She whirled around, her steps falling silent on the runner.

With that curious tightness constricting his chest, he watched her disappear inside her room, wondering why he felt as though something very important were disappearing from his life. Something that he may never have a chance at again.





Chapter 27


"I don't know about this… don't know at all."

Jane gave Anna's hand a reassuring squeeze as she settled across from her in the carriage, a curious calmness settling over her that made her exodus from Seth's life not nearly as difficult as she had feared. "It's for the best."

"Running away—"

"It's hardly that," Jane objected evenly. "Most ton marriages consist of the husband and wife living apart."

"But your husband—"

"Won't care," she finished, splaying a hand on the seat to steady her as the carriage lurched forward. She rather suspected Seth would be relieved to hear she had gone. His horrified expression when she had told him she loved him had been all the incentive she needed to reach the decision.

"That man is not going to like you up and leaving like this. Pride alone will send him running after you."

"Perhaps," Jane allowed, resolve hardening her heart. "But pride won't keep me at his side." Only his love could do that. And love was the one thing he would never give her. Jane had meant every word she said to Seth. She couldn't continue as she was. One day she would wake up and find her love for him gone, replaced with bitterness and resentment for a man incapable of loving her back. Leaving was her only option.

Anna sighed and shook her head in a way that told Jane she disagreed. "Where are we going, then?"

"To the cottage. Mr. And Mrs. Lowery will be happy to have us. We won't be in anyone's way there."