One More for Christmas(47)

There were times when Samantha wasn’t even sure who she was. She’d molded herself into a template that fit her mother’s expectations for her. She had a strong work ethic, was independent to a degree that Kyle had described as “ridiculous,” although she’d never been sure what he meant by that, and she never let emotions influence her personal decisions. On the outside she was her mother’s daughter. The inside was another matter entirely. Which version was the real her? The private one or the public one? It bothered her that she didn’t know.

Brodie flicked on his headlights. “Is this your first time in Scotland, Gayle?”

“No, although it’s been years.” Gayle dragged her gaze from the view. “It’s exactly the way I remembered it.”

Ella reached into her bag to give Tab a drink. “When did you come here? You never told us.”

“On my honeymoon.”

Samantha turned her head so fast she almost pulled a muscle. Honeymoon?

She exchanged glances with her sister.

Their mother never talked about her marriage or their father. But it would explain why she’d hesitated before agreeing to come. The place must be full of memories.

If Brodie thought it strange that neither of them had known this fact about their mother, he didn’t show it. “It’s a great place for a honeymoon, although perhaps not in the middle of winter.”

“Winter was perfect,” Gayle said. “It was cozy. We crunched through snow in the day and curled up by a log fire at night.”

Samantha tried to imagine her mother curled up on the sofa with a man. It was harder to picture because she’d never seen a photograph of her father. When they’d asked, her mother had simply said that she didn’t have one. They’d assumed their mother had been so distressed by the loss of him that she’d destroyed them. Samantha felt nothing but regret that he’d died before she was old enough to have a memory of him. She didn’t envy Brodie his grief, but she envied the fact that he’d had a father to grieve for.

What had her mother’s marriage been like? How special had her father been, that her mother hadn’t been able to entertain marrying again after she lost him?

To the best of Samantha’s knowledge, her mother hadn’t been involved with another man since. Coming back to the place where you spent your honeymoon had to hurt. Because Gayle didn’t show emotion, it was easy to pretend she didn’t have the same feelings as other people. But she had to have feelings about this, surely? Was there an inner Gayle, and an outer Gayle?

Samantha wanted to ask more. She wanted to grab hold of this tiny fragile thread and see where it led, but they were trapped in a car with a stranger and an almost-five-year-old who missed nothing.

Frustrated, Samantha stared straight ahead, watching as darkness slowly closed over the mountains.

Her mother had been widowed at the age of twenty.

That must have been hard, and yet she never talked about it except to instill into her daughters the knowledge that becoming emotionally involved could make a woman vulnerable.

“We’re almost there.” Brodie turned onto a narrow track that followed the course of the river. Trees rose into the darkening sky, framing the road and the river. Snow was falling lightly, floating past the windows like confetti. “This whole of this area was once forest. Some of the trees are several hundreds of years old. Kings and lairds once hunted here.”

Samantha thought about the historical novel she’d brought with her to read in the privacy of her room. What had her mother’s love affair been like? Had it been romantic? It was almost impossible to picture her laughing and in love. Did her mother have a whole other side to her as Samantha did?

She ignored inner Samantha and forced herself to focus. “So forest covered everything?”

“Yes. And now there’s a fraction of it left, although we’re working on that.”

“Where did the trees go?” Tab piped up from the back seat, and Brodie glanced at her in the mirror.

“Some were chopped down for farming and timber. Some were eaten by animals like sheep and deer. We’re doing what we can to change that. We’re replanting trees, encouraging wildlife to return to the area.”

“Rewilding?” Samantha had read about it. “You’re doing that here?”

“On a small scale. We’ve changed our approach to land management. In the future we might explore the opportunities for ecotourism—” He glanced at her. “I’d appreciate your thoughts on that at some point, if you’re willing.”

“Of course.” It was a relief to know that he could still picture her in a professional capacity, not just as someone who wanted to have a wild affair and drink champagne naked.

She held on to her seat as they bounced their way down a bumpy track that wound its way through the forest.

“Kinleven was originally a Highland sporting estate. It’s been in our family for generations. It’s only recently that we’ve considered turning it into a commercial venture. It’s going to be a steep learning curve, for me at least.” He steered to avoid a deep rut in the track. “I hope you’ll be able to advise us. Ideally we’d like to attract groups who want to experience life on the estate.”

“Samantha is absolutely the right person to advise you,” Ella said. “There is nothing she doesn’t know about what people want from a festive vacation.”