One Indian Girl(67)

We sat in the plane. The pilot gave a thumbs-up as we took off. I ignored the beautiful scenery below us, as my mind was flooded with doubts. Instead of regret, another set of thoughts gripped me.

How is he so calm and casual? Did it mean nothing to him?

I looked out of the window, away from him. My mind was on nothing but him.

Is this a regular thing for him? He doesn’t think this was special? Have there been other girls? Oh, am I also just a conquest now? I hate him.

The seaplane landed. We stepped out and took a car to the Palawan airport. He looked at me. I looked away. We reached the airport and took our connecting flights back to Hong Kong. On the way, we spoke little, limiting ourselves to stupid conversations like ‘Where’s the gate?’ at the transit airport in Manila or ‘Can you pass the pepper?’ during our meal in the Cathay Pacific aircraft.

I don’t know why grown-ups behave in such a stupid manner. Pepper seemed more important than anything else. I opened my laptop and pretended to work. He did the same. My mind raced up and down with thoughts. I have been such a fool. He will go home, tick another box in his conquest list and laugh about it. He will be like, that Indian VP chick? Check. Been there, done that desi babe. Damn it, Radhika. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

We landed in Hong Kong. We went to the airport car pick-up point. We waited for our respective cars, which Bianca had booked for us. Our two black cars arrived. I proceeded to step into mine.

‘Radhika,’ Neel said.

‘Yeah,’ I said and turned to him.

‘I know you probably have a million thoughts in your head. So do I.’

‘What thoughts?’ I said. ‘Excuse me?’

Let’s pretend nothing happened. That would be a mature way to deal with it, right?

‘About last night?’ he said, puzzled.

I shrugged my shoulders.

‘Haven’t really had a chance to think about it,’ I said. Yeah, more like, haven’t thought of anything but that.

‘Well, I have been thinking about it all day.’

Good, mister, at least it freaking matters. Go on, I said in my head as I continued to look at him.

‘And while I am still working through my thoughts, I just wanted you to know that last night was special for me. I can tell you, haven’t felt that way before.’

‘Oh,’ I said, my mouth open. I did not expect that. ‘Oh okay, well,’ I said and went into clueless and silent bimbette mode. I looked at him with a blank face.

‘Yeah, it was tender and wonderful and touching and so many things,’ Neel said, moving his hands around as he spoke.

‘That’s interesting,’ I said.

Okay, what kind of an idiotic response is that? Interesting? Like really, Radhika?

‘Interesting?’ he said, surprised at my stupid response.

‘I better go. See you later,’ I said. The driver opened my car door.

‘Sure,’ he said and waved at me. He looked pained at what would have seemed to him my indifference. The car drove off the airport terminal. I noticed him continue looking at my car until he went out of sight.

My car zipped along the highway as Hong Kong’s flickering skyscraper lights became visible again.

Pretend it never happened, maybe that will mean it never did, I said to myself as the car reached my home.





28


Two weeks later


‘Okay, enough. We do need to discuss what happened,’ Neel said.

‘Why?’ I said. Neel had called me to his office. We sat facing each other at his desk.

‘Because it’s not good to not talk about it. You’ve been avoiding me ever since we came back from the Philippines.’

I studied my fingernails. ‘What is there to talk about? It was wrong.’

‘Well,’ he said and paused before he spoke again. ‘Define wrong.’

‘It was wrong, Neel. And you know it,’ I said, looking up.

‘Okay, maybe it was a little wrong. But it felt right.’

‘Really?’

‘Didn’t it? Didn’t it feel just right?’

‘It doesn’t matter, Neel.’ I started counting on my fingers. ‘I work for you. You are married. You are a dad.’

‘I am aware of that.’

‘So then what is this all about? Let it be a one-off. A one-off blunder. And let’s move on.’

He stood up restlessly and walked to the window. Staring into the harbour he spoke again. ‘I can’t call it a blunder. How does one call the most special experience of one’s life a blunder?’

He has a way with words. Be careful, I told myself.

‘Call it what you want. Point is, it was not real. We can put it down to the setting, the drinks, the air. . . It won’t happen again. It won’t,’ I said, my voice as agitated as his was quiet.

Neel came back to his seat and sat across from me.

He held his chin with his right hand.

‘Okay, okay, calm down,’ Neel said. ‘I get it.’

‘We should focus on work,’ I said briskly.

‘Fine. We cool then, otherwise?’

‘Yeah,’ I said.

‘So if there’s another deal I want to staff you on, I can?’

‘Of course. You are the boss.’