One Day in December(89)

I don’t think I need to make any other resolutions. That one is monumentally life-changing enough for one year, isn’t it? Oscar has promised me that he’ll talk to his boss again about moving back to the UK. We stand a much better chance of falling pregnant if he’s home more, and when I do have a baby, it stands to reason that he’s not going to want to be absent so much.

2) Oh, shit, I forgot. It pains me to write this, but there is another – I’m going on the wagon. It increases the odds of conception, apparently.





26 January


Laurie


‘Did you definitely remember to take your folic acid every morning?’

I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, my mobile on speakerphone on the bedside table.

‘Of course I did,’ I say. ‘But I doubt it’s all down to whether or not I ingest enough nutrients. It’s more to do with, you know, eggs and sperm meeting up at the right moment.’ I’m sure Oscar didn’t mean to make his question sound like an accusation; he’s just disappointed.

He doesn’t reply.

‘Very few couples fall pregnant on the first cycle,’ I say more seriously. I spend my days writing women’s health features, and I’ve covered pregnancy-related issues dozens of times. If it were left up to me I’d just get on with life and try not to obsess over whether or not we were getting pregnant. But Oscar’s results-driven nature seems to have taken over, and I don’t quite know how to tell him to calm down without hurting his feelings. It’s quite sweet, really.

‘I know, I just thought maybe we’d ace it first time round, you know?’ He sighs.

‘I know. We’ll just have to give it an extra effort next time you’re back, hey?’

‘You’re right. I mean, it’s not like it’s a chore or anything. Let’s book a whole night in, just you and me.’





23 February


Laurie


‘Laurie, you’ve been in there a while.’

Oscar has actually delayed going to Brussels today to see if I’m pregnant. I’m not. I’m sitting on the loo holding a negative pregnancy test and trying to work out how to let him down gently.

‘I’ll be out in a sec,’ I call, flushing the toilet.

He’s loitering in the hallway waiting for me when I open the bathroom door. I shake my head, and he can’t keep the disappointment from his eyes as he hugs me.

‘Early days,’ I say. Only two months in and the shine of trying to get pregnant has already well and truly worn off. Who knew it would be so stressful? I’d like it if we could just take our foot off the gas and relax, but it’s not in Oscar’s nature to be so laissez-faire. He’s used to being able to make things happen; it’s clearly a huge frustration to him that he can’t dictate this so easily.

‘Third time lucky.’ He presses a kiss against my forehead and picks up his briefcase. ‘See you in a few days, love.’





14 March


Jack


‘Are you cold?’

Amanda looks at me as if I’m an idiot. ‘We’re in the Arctic, Jack.’

She’s right of course, but we’re also underneath several layers of fur hides and drinking rum. We’ve escaped to Norway for a few days and it genuinely feels as if we’ve landed in wonderland. I’ve never seen so much snow; we’re currently watching it fall from the comfort of our huge bed beneath the glass dome of our igloo. If she’d had her way we’d have made a run for the sun, but we made a bet and she lost, so we’re here scratching my itch to go aurora hunting. We’ve been unlucky so far; tonight’s our final night here, so it’s all or nothing.

‘What’s been your favourite thing so far?’ I say, kissing Amanda’s forehead. She’s naked and nestled in the crook of my arm on the pillows, and she wrinkles her nose as she thinks.

‘Probably the reindeer sleigh ride,’ she says. ‘Too romantic for words.’

‘More romantic than this?’ I say, my hand cupped possessively over her breast. ‘Game of Thrones has got nothing on us.’

‘I thought …’ She trails off and sighs heavily.

‘What?’ I say, taking her glass from her before I roll over and pin her beneath me.

‘Nothing,’ she says. ‘Forget I said anything.’

‘What is it?’

She looks to the side and kisses my shoulder. ‘It’s silly,’ she says, pink-cheeked. ‘I thought you might be bringing me here to propose.’

I hope my shock doesn’t show on my face. I thought she’d been acting a bit weird this evening. ‘You did? Shit, Amanda, I’m sorry. It’s just that we’ve never really talked about, you know, marriage.’ I don’t know what to say. We’ve never talked about anything so serious – marriage just isn’t in my head when it comes to us. When it comes to anyone, really. She’s looking up at me, and I’m gazing down at her, and I know that what I say next matters.

‘You’re very lovely.’

Her smile is too small as she shakes her head. ‘Shut up.’

I kiss her, because it’s safer than trying to let her know how I feel with words, and then I nudge her knee wide with my own and watch her close her eyes as she lets go of her thoughts and gives in to her feelings instead.