One Day Soon (One Day Soon, #1)(92)

So many what ifs.

What if he had never left me?

What if I had convinced him to leave town?

What if he had taken the time to talk to me that day at my mother’s house?

What if he had made a different life for himself?

But what was the point in all of that? It changed nothing.

I let go of the anger. Slowly.

“I’m sorry, Imi,” Yoss said quietly.

“I’m sorry too,” I replied.

My apology wasn’t for anything I had done. It was for the circumstances those kids from years ago had found themselves in. It was an apology for things I had no control over.

We drove the rest of the way to river in silence.

“I haven’t been in this part of city in a long time,” I commented, parking my car along the river and getting out.

The piece of land that stretched from the railroad tracks down to the water was all but deserted. One lone fisherman stood on the bank, casting a lure. It was one of the most beautiful parts of Lupton. Here among the trees and flowers you could feel completely removed from the noisy, busy city.

The river curved around a bend that I knew led to the swimming hole where I had spent long summer days trying to forget the reality of my life. This is where I fell in love with Yoss.

This is where I fantasized about futures and happy endings.

Feeling chilly, I zipped up my coat up under my chin even though the sun was shining and the air was warmer than it had been.

“It’s just through the woods. It’s a bit of a hike,” Yoss warned.

“I’m up for it. Lead the way,” I said, following behind him as we made our way down the embankment and followed the flow of water that cut its way through the field.

“I guess it’s too cold to go swimming,” I laughed.

“Unless hypothermia is your thing,” Yoss snorted. We broke through the trees and I could see the swimming hole, a part of the river that was significantly deeper than the rest. “I haven’t been swimming since you and I were here last,” he said, stomping over brush and limbs strewn across the ground.

“Why not?”

Yoss shrugged, holding up a branch up so that I could duck underneath it. I came up short, our chests brushing together. I craned my neck to look up at him. It was darker in the woods and incredibly quiet. Almost as if we were in another world.

Yoss sighed and took a step back. “It’s just down this path.” He pointed to well-worn footpath that cut through the thick trees. We continued walking in relative silence until we reached a clearing cut through the woods. In the middle stood a falling down house. At one time it was obviously beautiful. But time had forgotten about it.

It was the perfect place for Yoss.

Where he could disappear.

“How did Gail and Perry find this place?” I asked as we made our around the back of the house.

“I’m not sure. They never said and honestly I didn’t really care to ask. It was a roof over my head.” Yoss stopped suddenly and braced his hands on his knees breathing deeply. “Just give me a minute.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked, noting the fine sheen of sweat on his face.

“I need to catch my breath, that’s all,” Yoss snapped and then grimaced. “I’m sorry, ignore me. Clearly fresh air makes me cranky.” He laughed. It was strained. He straightened after a few minutes and we continued to the house.

“You know, when you first mentioned Gail, it sort of sounded as though you were together,” I chuckled. He had told me she was with his friend Perry, but part of me wanted to make sure.

Yoss’s breathing was still heavy but he seemed okay now. He gave me an amused look. “I wasn’t with Gail. I told you that already.”

“Did you live with anyone else?” Why was I digging like this? It was stupid. What did that have to do with now? With him and me?

We stopped by the back door. Yoss’s turned the knob and looked down at me before going inside. “I haven’t been with anyone since you, Imi. Not in that way. Not for love.”

I swallowed thickly, my throat uncomfortably tight. “It’s been fifteen years, Yoss. You don’t need to bullshit me. I don’t expect that you haven’t cared for someone else since we were together.”

He touched my face. Just for a moment. The pads of his fingers pressing into my skin. “It’s true.” His eyes burned into mine. “You were the last.” I couldn’t look away from him. “You were the only.”

He dropped his hand and stepped into the house. My body trembled with the barely suppressed emotion that only he could elicit.

“It’s so dark in here,” I said, tripping over something as I followed Yoss.

“No electricity of course,” Yoss replied, weaving through rooms with familiarity.

I couldn’t make out much of the place where he had been living except that it was cramped and smelled like mold and rotten garbage. There wasn’t a lot furniture. A couch. A small table and chairs. There were piles of clothes in the corner of what I assumed was the kitchen. All of the appliances had been removed at some point and the cabinet doors hung off the hinges.

“It looks as if no one lives here,” I observed as we walked up the creaky stairs leading to the second floor.

“It’s hard to say. It doesn’t look much different from when I was here a couple of weeks ago. No one’s here right now at least,” Yoss said, walking into the first room on the right.