One Day Soon (One Day Soon, #1)(81)

“Can I take your shirt off?” he whispered.

I nodded, not sure I could speak. Soon my sweatshirt joined his on the floor and I was lying on the pile of blankets in my bra and jeans. I hadn’t showered in months. I had tried to wash up the best I could this morning at the flea market, but I briefly worried about whether I smelled. I felt self-conscious about the way my ribs poked through my skin because of how much weight I’d lost.

Yoss looked down at me, his eyes hooded. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured, pulling the strap of my bra down my shoulder.

“I’m too skinny. And I’m all dirty and—”

Yoss cut me off with his mouth. A deep, penetrating kiss that erased every single thought. He broke away and turned his attention to the side of my neck. The tip of his tongue tracing along the curve of my collarbone. “You’re everything. Don’t you get that, Imi?” he said in between kisses.

His hand hesitated for a moment at the button of my jeans. Were we really going to do this? Now? After waiting so long?

“Yoss. Please,” I begged, cupping him through his pants, feeling how excited he was. I was a bundle of nerves. I wanted to be with him so bad, but I was scared at the same time. I was a virgin. I knew that Yoss wasn’t.

But that didn’t change the fact that I wanted to be with him. Desperately.

Yoss still hadn’t moved his hand. We were both breathing hard. Yoss looked down at me, his green eyes too serious. Heated but pained.

“Imi, I’m not sure—”

“Don’t you love me?” I challenged, feeling him retreat. Just like always.

Yoss kissed me. “Of course I do. You know I love you. More than anything.”

“Then why won’t you make love to me? We’ve been together for a while now. Don’t you want me?” My lips trembled and my voice broke. I was feeling the weight of his rejection bear down on me.

“It has nothing to do with not wanting to be with you, Imogen. I want to have sex. So much.” Yoss blew out a frustrated breath and lifted himself off me. I wrapped a blanket around my body feeling small and cold.

“Is it because of what you do for Manny? The things you do when you leave at night?” I dared to ask him, feeling brave enough to demand the answers I wanted.

Yoss grabbed his shirt and put it back on, turning his back to me. His shoulders were rigid and I knew I had pushed him too far.

“Don’t. Just don’t,” he said forcefully.

I inched closer to him and laid my cheek on his back. “Why can you do that with them but not with me? Your girlfriend?”

Yoss jerked back around to face me, grabbing a hold of my wrists, his eyes wild. “You have no f*cking idea, Imogen! How can you even want me to touch you when I’ve—When I’ve let those people—” He couldn’t continue. His hands were shaking, his nails biting into the soft underside of my arms.

“I look at you and you’re so innocent. So f*cking pure. And I’m disgusting. I’ve let people do things to me…” He swallowed thickly. “These scars are from them, Imi. I let them hurt me because they like it. And I need the money.” He squeezed tighter. “How can I touch you with hands that have done things that I wish I could forget?”

“Yoss, I don’t care about any of that—”

“You should care, Imi! God damn it, you should!” His voice ricocheted around us and I cringed. Realizing how tightly he was gripping my arms, Yoss let go. He ran his hands through his hair. “I’ve never been with anyone. Not like that. Not when it means something.”

I went up on my knees and cupped the side of his face. I kissed his chin. Then his cheek. Then the corner of his eye. “I want to love you like you deserve, Yoss. Please let me.”

Brilliant, bright green stared at me with wonder. “I must have done something right to find you, Imogen Conner.”

His mouth found mine again, his hands slipping underneath the blanket to touch my skin.

“Yoss, I need to talk to you.”

Yoss jerked away from me as if he had been doused with ice water. I looked up and saw Manny standing beside the cinderblock bookshelf, watching us.

“Sorry to interrupt, kids, but I’ve secured some plans for the night. You were asked for specifically, Yoss,” Manny said, giving us an apologetic smile. As if he really felt bad about stepping into our private moment. As if he wasn’t about to take my boyfriend to meet some strange man who would make him do things for money.

I didn’t understand Manny. There were times he seemed like an affable guy. He would smile and say hello and you felt almost comforted by his warmth.

But he was also a man who used and manipulated the younger, vulnerable kids he came in contact with for despicable reasons.

“Cover yourself up,” Yoss muttered, wrapping the blanket tighter around me, shielding me from unwanted eyes.

Yoss hastily got to his feet. He and Manny walked away, their voices pitched low. I noticed how Manny continued to look my way as he spoke to Yoss and I felt a knot of alarm coil in my gut.

Yoss looked upset. Angry even. His fists were bunched at his side and for a moment I thought he was going to hit Manny. I had never seen Yoss like that with him before. Most of the time he practically defended the pimp. Or worse, he blamed himself for the choices he made.

Manny put a hand on Yoss’s shoulder and said something that made him sag a little. In defeat.