One Day Soon (One Day Soon, #1)(79)

Not too much or he’d curl into a ball and disappear.

Just lips. Fingers pressed on skin.

“You didn’t. I can’t sleep until you’re here.” I had tried to reposition myself so I could look at him but he held me still.

“Don’t, Imogen. Please don’t.” He was hiding. So I did the only thing I could do. I crouched in his darkness with him.

In the lonely, pitiful darkness full of things neither of us wanted to see. Full of sounds that were painful to our ears.

“I thought about the beach tonight. I imagined sitting in the sand with you,” I had told him.

“I always picture it as this infinite thing. Going on and on forever.” His voice had quivered even as he had tried to hide it. “We’ll see it together. We’ll sit in the sand.” He wanted so much. And he hoped. Always, always hoped. It was the most beautiful thing about him.

Even when real life came crashing down around us with its brutality, he held onto a fantasy with battered fingers, waiting for it to become our truth.

I nodded my head, not wanting to give voice to lies. But Yoss relaxed, so I continued to speak quietly.

“I don’t even know how to swim,” I admitted softly, laughing a little.

“Me either. I guess we should figure out a way to learn,” Yoss replied and I felt his smile press into my skin.

“Or maybe we should just stay out of the water,” I suggested.

“No way. I want to swim in the ocean…” Yoss’s voice drifted off, relaxing into me as he fell asleep. His body battered and bruised. But his heart—his heart was whole. For that one moment.

I ran my hand along the curve of his fingers. Up and down his arm. “We’ll go far, far away, Yoss. Away from everything here. We’ll make a new life. Just for us.”

I fed him dreams I was terrified would never be realized. I used the words to soothe both of us. And it worked.

For a time.

Until the nightmares came. I couldn’t take those away.

He woke up that morning, not the Yoss that had clung to me desperately in his sleep, but a man who wanted to believe that his world could change in an instant.

He insisted on giving me all the happiness he could. So that morning when he suggested going to the flea market, I agreed, preferring the smile to the tears.

With his dirty money in his pocket, his lip crusted over and barely healing, we sifted through piles of unwanted toys and clothes. Things people were so eager to get rid of.

Sort of like us.

But it was fun.

“I can’t believe it!” I squealed a little too loudly, holding up the old doll with bright red hair and shimmery, silver pants.

Yoss, who had been looking through an old Viewfinder came over to see what had me so excited.

“What did you say it was?” Yoss asked, taking it from me and peering at it skeptically.

“It’s Kimber!” I told him.

“Am I supposed to know who that is?”

I snatched it back and started to look around the table, getting almost giddy when I found the small electric keyboard that was supposed to go around the doll’s neck.

“Jem and the Holograms. Kimber is the keyboardist. Didn’t you ever watch the show?”

Yoss smirked. “Sorry, I was too busy pretending to be He-Man and G.I. Joe.”

“We didn’t have a TV when I was little. Mom could never afford one. But when our neighbor, Mrs. Tyler, watched me, she would turn on cartoons. Watching Jem was the highlight of my week. I hated it when Mom would show up. She usually did before I could watch the end of the episode. It was like she timed it perfectly to mess up my day.” I chuckled a little uneasily. I hated talking about my mother. Even with Yoss.

Yoss, like always, picked up on my mood and leaned down to kiss my cheek, his arm going around my waist. “If I’m being honest, it sort of looks like someone’s dog got ahold of it.” Yoss looked down at the price tag and made a face. “This person is smoking crack if they think anyone will pay five bucks for this garbage.”

“It’s not in that bad of shape. You should have seen the one I used to play with,” I told him, putting it back on the table a little wistfully.

“Take it then,” Yoss said quietly under his breath, casting a quick look around. “Just tuck it under your sweatshirt. No one will notice. If it means that much to you, you should have it.”

I instantly tensed and for a second my hand hesitated over the doll, tempted to do just as Yoss suggested.

Why not? Who would know?

Stealing was a part of life when you had nothing and nowhere to go. Di stole cigarettes. Yoss stole food. Shane stole bags of gummy bears that he shared with everyone. Bug stole random stuff like lighters and packs of baseball cards. Things that had no real purpose except to make him feel as if he had something.

I didn’t steal. I couldn’t bring myself to take things that didn’t belong to me. Even when I was at my lowest, I didn’t have it in me to survive at all costs. I was lucky to have Yoss, because otherwise I knew I wouldn’t have lasted long out here.

I put the Kimber doll back on the table and shoved my hands in my pockets. “That’s okay. What would I do with a freaking doll?” I scoffed.

Yoss picked up the doll. “Why won’t you just take it if it makes you happy?”

I took the doll from his hand and put it back on the table. “Because I don’t need it, Yoss. Neither of us is in a position to have things only because we want them,” I said firmly, hating how sad he looked at my words.