On Dublin Street(95)

He felt it, his body turning hard against mine. “Jocelyn?” he asked questioningly.


I couldn’t look at him. I shrugged out of his hold taking advantage of his surprise, and hurried to catch up with Hannah.


***


That night the nurse led us to the post-op wing and we were allowed into see Ellie. Her curtains were drawn around her, and Elodie and Clark were in front of me so I didn’t see her at first. When they greeted her quietly and stepped back I flinched.


I hadn’t expected to feel so scared.


Dr. Dunham was right—her head was pretty swollen and kind of misshapen on the right side, her eyes still glazed from the anesthesia. White padded bandages were wrapped tight around her head and I felt my stomach lurch as I thought about the fact that today her brain had been cut into.


She gave me a lopsided quirk of a smile. “Joss,” her voice was hoarse, barely audible.


I wanted to run. I know. That’s horrible. But I wanted to run away from this part. People ending up in hospital had never concluded well in my life, and seeing her there, so vulnerable, so exhausted, just reminded me of how close we might have come to losing her.


I felt a hand squeeze mine and I turned my head to see Hannah watching me. She looked as pale as I felt, and her fingers were trembling between mine. She was scared too. I smiled reassuringly at her, hoping I was pulling it off. “Ellie is okay. Come on.” I tugged on her hand and pulled her with me to Ellie’s bed side.


I reached out for the hand Ellie had held out for her mom, and I slid mine into it, feeling relief and love as she gave me a gentle squeeze. “Am I pretty?” she asked with a little slur, and I laughed softly.


“Always, honey.”


Her eyes dropped to Hannah. “I’m okay,” she whispered.


“Are you sure?” Hannah pressed in close to the bed, her frightened eyes glued to Ellie’s bandaged head.


“Mmmhmm.”


She was still tired. We shouldn’t stay long. I gently eased Hannah back so Braden and Adam could get in with Declan. Declan thought she looked cool of course. Once Braden said hello, Adam wouldn’t leave Ellie’s side.


Her eyes started to flutter closed.


“We should leave her to rest,” Clark ordered in a hushed voice. “We’ll come back tomorrow.”


“Els,” Braden murmured, and her eyes fluttered back open. “We’re going. We’ll be back tomorrow.”


“Okay.”


Adam grabbed a chair from the side of the room and put it beside her bed. “I’m staying.”


We nodded, not really wanting to argue with the determined clench of his jaw.


With soft goodbyes we left them, Braden and I trailing at the back as we walked in a solemn fog through the hospital.


“She looked tiny,” Braden observed hoarsely. “I wasn’t expecting her to look so bad.”


“The swelling will go down.”


He shot me a careful look. “Are you okay?”


“I’m fine.”


“You don’t seem fine.”


“It’s been a tiring day.”


We stopped at—actually I didn’t know where. The hospital was kind of confusing with lots of a little parking lots and different entrances and yellow barricades. I didn’t know where the hell I was. We were standing at an entrance anyway, and Elodie sighed. “Are you two getting a taxi back?”


Clark’s car wasn’t big enough for everyone to get a ride in. I’d gotten a ride going in but Adam and Braden had gotten a cab. I supposed it would be rude to suggest Braden take a cab and I get a ride.


“I’ll get a cab. Braden, you should go with them.”


He smirked knowingly. “We’ll get a taxi together.”


Shit.


I reluctantly let Ellie’s family go, and waited as Braden called for a cab. I then stood at the entrance doors, keeping an eye out for the cab.


I smelled his cologne as he pressed close to my back. I shifted uncomfortably, trying to block out the fact that even though I’d ripped the bedsheets off my bed, I still hadn’t washed them because I could still smell Braden on them. I really was that girl.


“Do you want to tell me why I’m getting the silent treatment?” He asked gruffly, his breath hot on my ear.


I hunched up my shoulders, pulling away. His voice had an effect on my body and I didn’t want him to know that. “I’m talking to you.”


“Barely.”


“I’ve got a lot on my mind.”


“Do you want to talk about it?”


“When have I ever wanted to talk about it?”


I felt the heat grow hotter as he stepped closer, his hand sliding down my hip. “You used to talk to me, Jocelyn. Don’t pretend you didn’t.”


Seeing the familiar black cab of the city turn the corner into our part of the building, I pulled away quickly. “Cab’s here.” And started off toward it.


When we settled in the cab I could feel he was annoyed. I also knew him well enough to know that he was going to try to talk to me about it even if it meant following me home. I gave the cab driver Jo’s address in Leith.