On Dublin Street(92)

He’d started the cool down a few days before Christmas, and was even on pretty good behavior when we had Christmas dinner with Ellie’s family. The only awkward moment came when we had to exchange gifts. We’d both bought our gifts a while ago, and they were more meaningful than what two mere friends would give each other. Braden had managed to get me a signed copy of my favorite book by my most favorite author. How he pulled that off, I don’t know. Oh, and did I mention the stunning diamond tennis bracelet? Uh huh. I got him a first edition of his favorite book, Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises. It was the most elaborate gift I’d ever bought, but it was worth it to see the way he smiled at me when he opened it.


Shit.


Fuckity, shit, f*ck.


Maybe I expected him to up the ante after that but Braden seemed to do the exact opposite and just… disappear.


I wondered if it was a new tactic.


So I was on alert when he didn’t show up with Ellie and Adam on Wednesday when I was covering the shift. He’d dragged them into the bar the week before when I’d picked up extra shifts, after Ellie demanded I get out of the apartment—I think I was hovering—and he’d sat on the sofa across from the bar, in my direct line of vision, dividing his time between watching me and flirting with pretty girls. I was guessing this was the ‘pissing me off’ part of his promise.


So I was surprised he wasn’t there Wednesday.


Ellie was still awake when I got home from work. She came out of her room and closed the door softly behind her. “Adam’s sleeping,” she whispered, following me into the sitting room.


I grinned at her over my shoulder. “No wonder. You must have worn that poor boy out.”


Ellie rolled her eyes at me and slumped down onto the couch beside me. “It’s not really like that. Well… kind of,” she blushed, her eyes bright with happiness. “Mostly we’re talking a lot. Sorting things out. All those misunderstandings. Apparently, he’s been in love with me for a while.”


“Oh you don’t say.”


“Funny.”


“Speaking of funny, Braden didn’t turn up at the bar tonight.”


His sister eyed me carefully. “His new manager needed help tonight. Were you disappointed he wasn’t there?”


“No,” I answered quickly. Probably too quickly. Dammit, I missed pre-Braden Joss. “I just noticed a lack of ego in the room and thought ‘hey, where’s Braden?’”


Ellie didn’t laugh. She gave me a mothering look of disapproval. “Braden’s right. You’re in love with him. So why are you giving him the run-around? Are you enjoying him chasing you? Is that it?”


I raised my eyebrow at her. “The tumor’s brought out the snarkiness in you, huh?”


She made a face.


“Too soon for tumor jokes?”


Her eyes narrowed.


“Is there never a time for tumor jokes?”


“Never, Joss. Never.”


I winced. “Sorry. That was mean.”


“No. Mean is using my tumor as a tool for deflection. I love you to bits, Joss, but I love my brother too. Why are you doing this to him?”


“I’m not doing this to him. I’m doing this for him.” I turned into her, my eyes sincere as I tried to make her understand. “I don’t handle bad things very well. I’m not proud of it, but it’s true. Look how I just walked out on you when you needed me. When Braden needed me.”


“But you came back,” she argued. “You were in shock, but you’ve been here every second since.”


“Braden talked me into it,” I confessed. “He had to shake some sense into me. And as he did that I realized that I can’t protect myself or the people around me from bad stuff happening. And apparently, bad stuff follows me around, so it’s probably going to happen again sometime. When it does, I can’t guarantee I won’t go off the deep end, and I just can’t do that to Braden. His life would be unstable with me and after that bitch wife of his put him through hell, he deserves someone who can give him peace.”


“Joss, you’re talking as if you’re some mental case. You’re not. You’re only problem is that you won’t face what happened to your family and start dealing with it.”


I slammed my head back against the couch. “You sound like Dr. Pritchard.”


“Who?”


“My therapist.”


“You’re seeing a therapist? How did I not know this?” she slapped her hand across my arm.


“Hey.” I winced, pulling away from her.


“This is what I’m talking about.” Ellie was angry; her eyes flashing just like Braden’s did when he was pissed off. “I’m your best friend and you didn’t tell me you were seeing a therapist. Does Braden know?”


“Yes,” I answered like a sullen teenager.


“Well that’s something at least.” She shook her head in disbelief. “You have got to start dealing with your family, Joss. I think if you do that, everything else will start to feel not so big and overwhelming. And you’ll realize you can take each day at a time with Braden. You don’t have to protect him from being with you. He’s a big boy, and clearly he knows a lot more about you than I do, and miracle of miracles he still wants to be with you.”