Not Today, But Someday(43)

“Good,” she says. “I don’t either.”

“Good.”

“Nate, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure. Anything.”

“Do you think anyone has the capacity to cheat? Even good people?”

“I’m sure there are circumstances that would cause people to. Good people included. I can’t believe that every person who’s ever cheated is evil, you know?”

“What circumstances?”

“I don’t know. Alcohol? They’re with the wrong person to start with? Revenge–”

“Well, those people are evil,” she interrupts.

“Not necessarily. Misguided, maybe. Maybe they were hurt first, and that was how they sought to get even.”

“Do you think you could ever cheat?”

“I’ve never really thought about it. I hope that, if I was with someone and thought about cheating on them, I’d talk to that person before I acted on anything.”

“Could you be with someone who cheated?”

“I think that would depend on the girl.”

“How do you think people end up with the wrong person?” she asks me.

“Is that what you think happened with your parents?”

“That seems to be what Dad is saying.”

“Maybe they settle. Maybe they don’t really know what else is out there. Maybe there’s a fear of being alone that keeps two people together who shouldn’t be. It could be a mutual understanding. There could be a child involved. I think there are an infinite number of things to consider. But in the end, Emi, I do believe it could happen. As much as it might hurt to admit that, it’s certainly a possibility. But only time will tell. Maybe your Dad really feels that way... or maybe he’s just making excuses for his actions. He’s the only one who knows, and right now, there’s no way he can convince you one way or the other.

“But he’ll try. If he loves you, he won’t give up.”

“If he loved me, he wouldn’t have done this to us.”

“Em, it may seem selfish to you right now, but this is his life. He can only live once, and if he wasn’t happy, would you want him to continue pretending to be? Because, honestly, that’s a little selfish.” I brace myself for her response, understanding this is a touchy subject for her. She remains quiet. “Just give it some time. I have no doubt, if your dad could have found happiness without hurting you, he would have done that first. But it’s obvious he couldn’t have it both ways this time.”

“Do you think you’d forgive your dad, if he had done something like this?”

“Of course. I forgive him already for much worse, Emi. He could cheat with twenty different women, and I’d still forgive him and accept him as my father. As long as he was around for me, that’s all that matters.”

“But that twenty-first woman?” Emi asks playfully.

“Nope, that’s taking it one woman too far,” I joke with her. “My limit’s twenty.” We both laugh a little, but silence settles over the car again.

“I think my limit’s one,” she says softly.

I look over at her with a small frown, understanding that she’s unwilling to forgive him.

“Maybe you should at least consider doubling it,” I suggest. “If what he says is true – if she’s the woman he’s meant to be with – then he won’t do it again.” I glance over at her, watching her stare out the front window of the car. “Right?” I ask, touching the tip of my pinky finger to her leg to get her attention. She simply shrugs.

If nothing else, I’ve given her something to think about. No one should hate their father. I wish I could show her how it feels to live even a single day without one. The painting was a good start, but the depth of some feelings can only be hinted at. The only way one could truly understand would be to live it themselves.

And although it’s a part of life nearly everyone will experience, it’s still not a feeling I’d ever wish on anyone.

“So...” I start, trying to cut through the tension in the car. “Do you want to stop and get something to eat?”

“Sure,” she says with a gentle expression. “Oh, there’s this great burger place not far from here. Oh, my god, the bacon they put on them is so crispy, it’s the best thing in the world. I swear, you will love it.”

“I swear, I will not,” I tell her. She looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “I’m a vegetarian.”

“Ewww,” she says, joking. “Why’d you do something like that?”

I laugh at her reaction. “If I describe the news program I saw when I was little in explicit detail, as it was presented to me, I can guarantee you’ll be one by the time I’m done. Ready?”

“Please don’t spoil bacon for me,” she says quickly. “They have salads, too.”

“Ever had sushi?” I ask her.

“Ummm... no.”

“Would you like to try it?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Why not?”

“Raw fish? It’s not safe.”

“The way they prepare it is safe. Plus, it’s not all raw.”

“You’ll eat fish?”