Not Today, But Someday(12)

“Why?” I ask her, disgusted.

“Because I’ve talked to him about Elai–”

“Do not say her name in this house,” I warn her.

“Well, I’ve talked to him about her, and I honestly believe that he loves her.”

“He was supposed to love Mom.”

“I think he did. And I know you have some romantic notion of love–”

“Not anymore–”

“But sometimes, feelings wane.”

“I guess if anyone would know that, you would.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I glare at her, knowing that she knows exactly what I mean. “I just hadn’t found the right person yet.”

“And that slick guy downstairs is the right person?”

“Yeah.”

“Today, anyway,” I add sarcastically. “Feelings wane,” I repeat her words to me.

“I believe you can love more than one person in a lifetime, Emi. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Then it’s not true love.”

“You are so idealistic. Wait until you graduate and go off to college and start experiencing life outside your little bubble. I hope reality smacks you hard. You’ve always been so judgmental of me–”

“You bring it on yourself! What kind of example do you set for me? Oh, wait, are you making all the mistakes for both of us? So I don’t have to? Well, then I guess I should be thanking you.”

“Bitch.”

“Whore.”

“Screw reality,” she says, moving toward me quickly and slapping me across the face. I push her away hard, and she stumbles back, putting her hand over her stomach. I can’t hit her. As much as I want to, she has a baby growing inside of her, and I can’t hit her.

“What’s going on?” Josh asks, coming to Jen’s aid. I hold my hand up to my cheek, still in shock that she actually hit me.

“We’re just having one of our regular conversations,” my sister says. “This is how it always goes.”

“Your sister is not a whore,” Josh tells me angrily. “How dare you say that, you little smart-mouthed drama queen!”

“Get out of my room,” I seethe to them both. I’m even angrier, realizing that my sister has been talking about me to her new boyfriend behind my back.

“I’ll tell Mom you’re feeling sick again,” Jen says. “Don’t you dare come back downstairs.”

“I’ll wait until you leave to tell her your fantastic news.”

“Don’t you dare tell her. It’s not your news to share, Emi, and I will never forgive you.”

“You think I care?”

“You should,” she says. “We’re family. Don’t do it for me. Do it for Mom. Can you just try to give her a few weeks of peace?”

I don’t answer, instead choosing to pick up my book to make my point that I’m done with the conversation. Josh shuts the door quietly behind them. Frustrated, I throw the Canterbury Tales hard against the wall. Curled up on my tiny bed, I stare at the second hand of the clock across the room. It’s not even six o’clock on a Saturday. Normally, I’d be out with a group of friends. Instead, in a small New York town an hour away from here, that same group of friends is moving on without me.

After ten minutes, I decide I won’t be confined to my bedroom tonight.

Standing up, I go to my closet to grab my coat and slide into my warmest boots. I pick up my purse and shove the book inside. As quietly as I can, I descend the stairs, pausing at the small landing to listen for my sister and mom. I can hear them both in the kitchen, so I keep going until I hit the bottom floor. Josh must be with them, so I’m able to sneak out the front door, unnoticed.





CHAPTER 6 - NATE





The streets still slick with ice, I drive the family SUV, fitted with chains on the tires. After painting for twelve hours straight, sleeping for only six, and then getting up to paint for an additional six hours, I need to get out for some fresh air. Even though the art room is well-ventilated, I still get headaches from time-to-time. I wasn’t certain if they were caused by fumes or intense focus – or in this case, hunger. I’d forgotten to eat today. Normally, I could rid myself of the headaches without any medication by just stepping away from my art for a few hours.

At the pizza place, I nod to a few people I recognize from school before finding an empty table in Lauren’s section. She waves from across the room. She looks so different in her work uniform than she did in that red sequined shirt yesterday. For a few seconds as she lingered at my locker while I watched Misty and Clark, I’d almost accepted her offer to go to her house after school, left unattended by her still-vacationing parents. I could almost see myself with her as she flirted with me. She’d been hinting at it for weeks, even while I was still with Misty. When she brought her lips to my ear, though, whispering to me what she wanted to do with me, I lost interest. I could smell the liquor on her breath, even though school had only been out for fifteen minutes. I could not have been less attracted to her at that moment.

“What’ll it be?” she asks. “I get off in fifteen minutes.”

“I’m busy,” I lie.

“What, the painting again? God, get a life, Nate! You’re young. Enjoy it.”