Not Today, But Someday(10)

I would have rolled my eyes, had they not been glued to the pages. The Knight was the first pilgrim to tell his tale, and his story had drawn me in from the start. Of course I was curious about Emily, who had been introduced as the heroine. Reading on, the Knight continued a tale about two young prisoners who each fell in love with Emily when they saw her out of their prison cell window.

Love at first sight. Another concept that doesn’t really exist. I try to remove my cynicism and general disappointment in love as I continue the story. My imagination allows me to get caught up in the romance of it, the poetry of Chaucer’s words giving my mind a new playground to explore.

I hear Joey and Chris downstairs, but I want to finish the story, now that I’ve started. It’s not often that a book draws me in, but there’s something about this one. I continue reading until I hit one passage that takes me out of this Old English world and slams me back into reality.





A man must love, even if he strives against it; he cannot escape love, even at the cost of his own life. It may be love for a maid, for a widow, or for a married woman. It does not matter. Love is the law of life itself.2





Love should create rules, and abide by them. The vows exchanged in front of families and friends and God should dictate behavior. It should encourage two people to always honor what they share. Love. Stupid book.

I grab a scrap of paper from my dresser – a ticket stub– and stick it in the book as a placeholder. I wanted to like this story. Now I don’t even want to finish it.

Finally deciding to join my brother and his friend, I head downstairs into the small living area next to the kitchen. My mom has made sandwiches for them, and is cleaning up by the time I find a place next to Chris on the couch.





Love is the law of life itself.





What does that even mean?

“Earth to Emi,” Joey says. I hadn’t realized anyone was speaking to me.

“Hey, Joey.” When I finally look at him, his warm smile greets me and he stands up to hug me. I embrace him quickly, noting silently that my heart isn’t racing like it used to. I thought I was over him, but I needed this test to make sure. It makes me smile wider.

“Feeling better? Chris said you were sick.” He cocks one eyebrow, and I’m sure he knows the truth.

“My mom knows,” I tell him. “I’m fine. Well-rested.”

“Your apartment’s cool.”

“Not really,” I argue. “It’s tiny and sharing a bathroom with him is the most disgusting thing in the entire world.”

“Shut up,” my brother says, throwing a napkin at me.

“Proof,” I say, retrieving the messy paper cloth from the floor.

“Yeah, and you left it so tidy, with all that makeup,” he says sarcastically. “Why’re you wearing makeup today, huh, Emi?” My eyes stay on my brother’s, not daring to look at Joey, who I know is staring at me, making assumptions. I’m sure he thinks it’s to impress him, but it’s really just to make him understand that I’m not a little girl anymore. He’s always had this image of who I am, and I’ve grown up a lot since then. I’ve grown up more in the past month than I’d really wanted to. In a way, I want some of that innocence back. The world was familiar and safe before. Now, I know some of its ugly truths, and I don’t like them.

“You look hot,” Joey says, shrugging his shoulders. “Not that I want to go out with you or anything, I’m just stating the facts.”

“I know I do,” I tell him, trying to put off an air of confidence and wondering if anyone can see through my own self-doubt. If they can, they don’t show it. “Not that I’d ever go out with you anyway.” I punctuate my statement with a smug smile.

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

“Yep,” I say. “How’s everyone back home?” I ask, happy to catch up on the gossip I’d missed. Joey tells us about everything that happened over Christmas break, admitting that the most newsworthy thing to happen was us, moving away so abruptly. It figures.

As the afternoon wears on, the three of us squeeze into Chris’s tiny bedroom and play video games on a television that was made for a room twice the size of this one. My dad bought it for my brother for Christmas. He wrapped his guilt up in extravagant wrapping paper for each of us. Jen got a new computer for school. I got a new stereo with top of the line headphones. I needed them because you could hear everything in this apartment through its paper-thin walls. When I first unwrapped the gift– Dad wasn’t even there Christmas morning to see us – I’d decided I wouldn’t use it. I thought about pawning it, not wanting any reminder of him.

My brother had set it up in my room, though, while I was getting ready, and started playing my favorite CD on it. It would have been too troublesome to disassemble everything at that point. And it was really nice. He’d felt really guilty. As he should.

My sister shows up around four o’clock. The three of us join her, her boyfriend, and my mother downstairs for a little bit, but Chris and Joey only stay for an hour. Chris had told me earlier that they were going to check out a local pizza place, but Joey let it slip that they were going there because Chris had heard that it was a popular place to pick up girls. I think the groan I let out was the same one my mom did. After they left, I’d wondered if my brother had asked my mom to make sure I didn’t come along. I know if I had asked, he would’ve said yes, not wanting to hurt my feelings.