Nolan: Return to Signal Bend (Signal Bend)(13)

And also a moron, because Showdown would absolutely kill him if he trifled with his little girl.

“I don’t know.” Shit. That was not the right answer. But he guessed it was maybe the true one. Still, he didn’t know if he could feel anything real for anybody anymore, or if his heart was in a box in the ground in Southern California, and Showdown’s daughter was not somebody to experiment on.

“I don’t know what that means.” Iris shoved her hands into her coat pockets and stared at him, her expression open and frank, without guard or hostility.

He reached toward her face, then caught himself and dropped his hand. “I don’t, either. Iris, I’m f*cked up. My head is…it’s not a good place. It’s better if it didn’t mean anything.”

She took a step toward him. “Better for who?”

Before he knew what he was doing, he was f*cking kissing her again.

She leaned into him right away and opened her mouth under his. His tongue found hers, and he felt the breath of her sigh against his cheek. Jesus.

He didn’t know why he was doing it again, standing on the sidewalk around the corner from Main Street, where most of the town, not to mention all of the Horde, was working on this gift drive, but he did know he was kissing Iris. It wasn’t about Ani, not this time.

She broke away first, taking back the step she’d made earlier and dropping her eyes so she was looking at the ground. “Nolan…”

He dropped his eyes, too. She was wearing bright red cowboy boots, and it made him realize that he didn’t think he’d ever seen her in any kind of shoes but cowboy boots. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I keep doing that.”

Her head came up quickly, and she frowned as she stared right into his eyes. “Well, that sucks. Don’t do it again until you know why.”

She spun on her heel and began pushing the cart up the sidewalk. Nolan stood there like a jerk for a couple of seconds, watching her walk away. Then he shook some sense back into his head and ran after her.

When he took charge of the cart, she didn’t protest, and they walked together to pick up a load of gifts.



oOo



Christmas with the Horde was always happy chaos. For Nolan, the morning started out calmly enough; he’d spent the night at home with his mom and brother, and they’d opened their presents to each other and had a little bit of breakfast.

Usually, he was hung over from the club party the night before, but this year, he’d bailed early, while he was still sober. Show and Shannon and all of their kids had been there, and Nolan didn’t trust himself to get drunk around Iris. Even sober, his lips had a tendency the past few days to get stuck on hers, and he didn’t even know if he liked her that way. Or if he was even capable of it.

So he’d bailed while the club kids were still around and the party was still at a PG rating. He’d tried to ride, but it was too cold, even for him, and he’d turned around and headed to his mom’s house after about half an hour. He’d been stretched out on the sofa watching television when his mom and Loki had gotten home from the party.

His mom had given him one of her patented looks that said, I know something’s wrong, but I know you’re not going to tell me what, so I’m not going to ask, but now you know that I know, and then she’d sent Loki to bed. Once he was down and had sworn to stay in his room until morning, she’d come in with a glass of Jack Daniels for Nolan and wine for her, and they’d put all the presents under the tree.

Afterward, she’d turned off all the lights except the tree and the lights she’d strung around the windows and fireplace, and they’d sat together on the sofa, drinking and staring at the pretty tree. Nolan had put his arm around his mom’s shoulders, and she’d rested her head on his chest, and he’d known right then that it was the best moment of the whole holiday.

The morning, as usual, was all about Loki. He didn’t believe in Santa anymore, but their mom still liked to do the holiday up as big as she could. Nolan understood it, and he was a little envious, too, in a retroactive, nostalgic way. When he’d been little, his mom had been dead broke, and his bio-dad had been a deadbeat, and they’d never had anything. Most of the time, they’d been living on the bleeding edge of homelessness. Christmas had never been a big deal. He’d never believed in Santa, because his mom hadn’t been able to afford to pretend the old dude was real.

Things had been a lot better, moneywise, since Loki had been born. Their mom wasn’t rich, but Havoc had left her some decent bank, and money had been stable. The past few years had been really good, financially. There were a lot of presents under the tree, and, as always, Loki’s eyes about bulged out of his head when he saw the spread in the morning.

Nolan enjoyed watching his brother open his gifts. Loki was a good kid. He appreciated every gift, and his mom, or Nolan, got a hug and a thank you for each one. The thank you was a real one, with a little explanation about why he liked the gift.

After breakfast, Nolan helped Loki put together a LEGO Star Wars set while their mom made some kind of casserole to bring to Badger and Adrienne’s, where the real chaos would happen. When the casserole was ready, Nolan packed up his mom’s SUV with gifts for the rest of the Horde, and they headed over.

By noon, the whole club—all the members, their old ladies, all of the kids, and even a club girl or two—was at Badger and Adrienne’s house, and the din was overwhelming. There were something like a dozen little kids in the Horde family now, all of them hopped up on the rush of sugar and new toys, and it was too cold to send anybody outside to play.