Nocturne(37)

I could see Savannah in my mind. The sway of her shoulders as she raised the flute to her lips. The swinging of her body as she danced, her hips moving in seductive circles. The red on her cheeks as she confronted me in class. I saw Nathan, his nostrils flaring, anger written on his face. I saw Karin, on my front step. Am I a distraction? With the force borne along by determination and rage, I swept them out of my mind.

I positioned myself on the practice stool. Flexed my muscles, and slowly rolled my head forward then in a loose circle, loosening the muscles in my neck. I put the bow to the strings. Not moving yet. I could feel the latent vibration in the bow, the music locked inside. I reminded myself that this was why I lived. Then I closed my eyes, and I summoned the music.





Savannah


It was the Friday before graduation, and I was finishing packing my things in my dorm. Marcia had fled campus after her last final in order to start a summer internship program with the San Diego ballet. I stuck around so I could watch Nathan graduate on Sunday. We hadn’t spoken much in the last week and a half because he had his recital—which was phenomenal—and auditions for things he still hadn’t told me about. Superstitions and all.

Butterflies filled my stomach and, really, the entire space around me as I waited for Nathan to call me back. I’d called him to ask if we could talk before graduation. I hated the way things were between us. He was my friend and I needed him, no matter where he was going to be in the fall while I finished out my senior year at the conservatory.

“Knock, knock.” I could hear Nathan’s smile as he spoke, pushing my door all the way open.

“Nathan! I thought you were blowing me off, you didn’t call me back!” I dropped the books I was packing and gave him a tight hug.

“I wouldn’t blow you off, Savannah.” He sighed as he squeezed me back.

“I’m just going to say it, Nathan. I’m sorry. I want things to be okay with us. You’re my friend.” I was speaking so quickly I wasn’t sure if he was able to understand me.

He didn’t let go of our hug, and I was okay with that. “I’m sorry, too, Savannah. I’m going to miss you like crazy, you know that?”

I nodded, tears stinging my eyes. Pulling away, I playfully slapped his chest. “I’d say I’ll miss you, too, but I don’t even know where you’re going to be. Did you audition anywhere, you cryptic freak?”

Nathan bit his lip; his face looking like it was going to explode with pride.

“Spill it, Nathan Connors, or I’ll call your mother and ask her!” I was bouncing on the balls of my feet, buzzing with anticipation.

“Chicago!” He raised his arms in victory as I stared at him bug-eyed for a second.

“What?” I squealed. “Nathan!” I screamed as I threw my arms around his neck, jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist without much thought.

This was big. The Chicago Symphony Orchestra was one of the United States “Big Five” orchestras, along with New York, Philadelphia, Cleveland and, of course, Boston.

After turning me around once, Nathan cleared his throat and carefully set me down. Okay, things weren’t going to go all the way back to normal ... he was awkward and stepped out of arms’ reach. I took a breath, resisting the urge to kiss him, which is exactly what I would have done a couple of months ago. Settling instead for a smile, I wiped tears from my eyes.

“God, Nathan, I’m so f*cking proud of you! When the hell did you sneak away to Chicago?” I asked, suddenly needing to sit.

“I had my final audition last weekend.” He sat next to me, the smile still beaming off his face.

“So … when do you leave?”

“The position is open for the start of the season in the fall. I’ll be staying with my brother this summer until I find a place.”

“Wow,” I whispered.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I wasn’t worried about missing him. Our friendship formed around seeing each other during summers only, since I was from Philadelphia and he was from Chicago. I was thrilled for him that he got a position at his hometown orchestra—it’s what he’s always wanted, and getting a spot with one of the big five the first time out was nearly unheard of. He was in love with the city and decided sitting in the audience at one of their performances that he wanted to make a life for himself playing the flute.

“Listen,” he said, snapping us out of our respective introspections, “I’ve got to get to my final rehearsal. Want to grab a drink later?” His dimple appeared, and I knew we would be okay.

“You bet. I’ll come to your place around nine, okay? I’ll walk out with you. I have to go see Madeline.”

Nathan walked me across campus to Madeline’s office before heading to graduation rehearsal. Relieved that things with Nathan were settled, I was able to head into Madeline’s office with excitement about the summer. I’m sure I would have been useless to Madeline if Nathan and I hadn’t mended things before I headed to Tanglewood.

“Savannah Marshall, what am I going to do with you?” Madeline teased as I peered my head into her office with a playful look of innocence on my face. She’d asked me to stop into her office a couple of weeks ago, but … life.

“Sorry, Madeline.” I smiled as I sat in the seat across from her desk. “I’m sure you’ve heard Nathan’s good news?” I’d been smiling for the last half hour and my cheeks were starting to hurt.