Need You for Always (Heroes of St. Helena)(75)

All this talk of we and our had his head pounding and his chest itching.

Dax twisted his neck to the side to relieve the growing pressure. It didn’t help. Neither did the anticipation and expectation staring up at him. He looked at Emerson, and it only made it worse. “When is it?”

“Next month.”

Next month he’d be in San Jose, playing hired gun to some bank account in a suit. And Emerson would be here, with her family, in St. Helena, moving on with her life and making a go at her new career. That was the deal. Because once he went back to work, he wasn’t sure how to keep up this life.

No matter which way he looked at it, or how many different scenarios he ran through his head, their two directives didn’t align.

And that was the core issue. He didn’t want to be Ranger Dax anymore, but he didn’t seem to know how to stop. Or understand who he was and what he offered without his rank and Ranger tab.

Except for when he was with Emerson. His gaze met her warm one and he took a breath. A deep breath, because with her none of that seemed to matter. He could just be whatever he needed to be in that moment. No strategies or hard decisions or thoughts about the future.

Until now. Now there was Disneyland, with we and our and a readymade family—as if an extension had suddenly been applied to their expiration date.

Actually, that wasn’t true. Dax had been extending their expiration date since day one. In fact, at times, when he allowed himself, in the quiet moments when they were together, he could almost see a future. Maybe even a home base.

It was small, like looking at it through the scope, but it was there, which made zero sense.

Dax knew everything about life on a base and jack shit about building a home. He’d made a career out of jumping from one theater of operations to another, always playing the role of team leader.

Problem was, Emerson was looking for a partner. And he was leaving.





Monday morning Emerson dropped Violet off at school, then ran by the market to grab some turkey bacon and eggs. She was going to teach Dax how to make a healthy breakfast burrito.

She wanted to thank him for an incredible and successful weekend, and what guy didn’t love bacon. He didn’t need to know it was fake-n-bacon. And if he figured it out, she was hoping to distract him with her cupcakes—which were frosted with a new flag-inspired bra from the Boulder Holder.

Parking her car, she grabbed the bag off the passenger seat and stepped out into the pouring rain. Another storm had blown in, bringing with it two inches of water and the fresh smell of wet grass and winter.

Grinning, something that she hadn’t been able to stop since she’d dropped him off at his house yesterday, after a weekend to end all weekends, she knocked on Dax’s door. It was funny that the best weekend she’d had in years took place with a bunch of Bugs and the town’s bad boy. Only Dax wasn’t bad and he sure wasn’t a boy. He was strong and gentle, reliable without being smothering, and so incredibly perfect.

For her.

And she was perfect for him. He hadn’t said as much, but she could feel it in the way he held her, watched her when he thought she wasn’t looking, and how he came through. In every single way.

Her heart warmed at the memory of him and the girls in the tent. How he listened patiently as each one told him what ride she wanted to go on first, what princess she wanted a picture with, and how, with him on their team, they could be the best survivalists in the whole state.

Rain splattered her shoes and the outside of the paper bag, so she knocked again. When no one answered, she let herself inside. After putting the groceries in the fridge, she headed toward the back of the house where she found Dax—bent over the bed looking sexy and delicious in nothing but a low-slung towel.

“I should have set my alarm earlier,” she said, stepping farther into the room. “Looks like I’m two minutes too late to wash your back.” She let her fingers glide up his back, to rub his shoulder. He felt tense, so she peeked around him and her hands froze. So did her heart.

His bed was covered with clothes, all of his clothes. Clean and folded into perfect squares, and being placed into a duffel bag that sat in front of him.

He was leaving.

“Or maybe I got here two minutes too early,” she joked, but something inside of her went cold.

“I talked to Fallon last night,” he said to the suitcase, not even turning to look at her. “I can finish up PT in San Jose while I get brought up to speed on my new job.”

Emerson’s heart slowed down until everything felt painfully surreal. “That’s great,” she managed to get out, but found herself looking to the right. She dropped her hands and took a step back. “Did, uh, Kyle give you the okay?”

“Yup.”

One word, cut-and-dry, and that grin of hers didn’t just fade. It died. And she had no idea what was up with her stomach and her chest and all that pinching. “Did you call Fallon or did he call you?”

Dax stopped packing and turned to finally face her. “He called me.”

“Oh.” Emerson let loose the breath that she’d been holding, felt some of the pressure release at his answer.

“They wanted to see if I was open to starting early.” He looked at her and his face went carefully blank. “I told them I could start tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” The pressure was back and she was certain it would kill her, because this wasn’t a requirement of the job. It was a voluntary enlistment. “But what about helping Jonah next weekend with the weapons training? What about Street Eats? And the other night . . .”