Naked Love(88)

When she blinks, several tears slide down her cheeks, but she doesn’t move to wipe them away. “You left scars, but now I’m stronger. So … thank you.”

“I love you, Avery.” The words tumble out. I hate how empty they probably sound to her, but it’s all that’s in my head and my heart.

She nods, slowly brushing away the tears and sniffling. “I know you do. But it won’t last because it was built on something weak—your expectations of me. And I can’t stand on those forever. I will stumble and fall. I will crash and crumble. And eventually, I won’t be recognizable to you because you’ll always remember me at my best, when loving me was easy.”

“That’s not true.” I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees.

“Isn’t it? I think you see your mom in my fragility. You definitely see Francine in the things I like. And I think when I told you about my relationship with Megan’s husband, you saw your father in me. I’m this all-encompassing demon you’re determined to slay. If you can love me in spite of all the things you hate about me, then you win.”

“You’re running. That’s what this is. You’re running, and you’re blaming it on me.”

She chuckles, shaking her head and slipping her fingers into her front pockets again. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You’re the runner. You’re the one who will be leaving for Milwaukee. And that’s okay. I’m okay, Jake. But not in spite of you. I’m okay because of you.”

There’s a clawing need just under my skin, a need that makes my heart race. I don’t want us to end, but I don’t know what to say.

The words. The fucking words.

If I could just hand her my heart, wouldn’t that be enough? Would it have to be served with some grand explanation?

Here, Ave. Take it. It’s yours.

If it’s not I’m sorry or I love you, then what is it?

How can she look so beautiful, so resigned to what’s happened yet so confident at the same time when this is unraveling every fiber of my heart?

She smiles. It’s stunning and real. “I’m going to find them at the beach.”

“I leave in two weeks. Maybe we could …” Desperation twists and crashes around in my head like a tornado. “Have dinner or something before I leave.” I stand, slipping my hands into my pockets, mirroring her. These hands itch to touch her, but I don’t think she’s mine to touch anymore.

Rolling her lips together, she nods a half dozen times. “Maybe breakfast or lunch downstairs? We can discuss my part-time employment at your cafe. I need another job for awhile.” She shrugs. “I’m willing to swallow my pride and admit it.”

“The job is yours.”

“No.” She holds up a hand. “You interview me. Hire me only if you find my qualifications acceptable. I don’t want any coworkers thinking I got the job out of pity or because I slept with the boss.”

“It’s running a juicer and blender. Seth makes all the other food. I’m sure you’re plenty qualified.”

Her lips twist. I want to kiss them. I want to drop to my knees and beg for time to rewind.

“But…” I step closer, leaving a few inches between her bare feet and mine “…I’ll train you before I head back home.”

“Home,” she whispers, staring at our feet.

“Ave …” I take the final step and cup the side of her face.

She leans into my touch, closing her eyes, face wrinkled like it pains her.

“I miss you so fucking much. And I know it’s somehow not enough, but I am truly sorry for what I said to you, for how I treated you. If I could take it back, I would.”

Her hand covers mine as she draws in a shaky breath. “I miss your touch.”

Inching closer, I feather my lips across her opposite check. “Then let me touch you.”

“Jake …”

My mouth covers hers, swallowing her weak plea. Her hands press to my chest and curl into fists, bringing me closer, deepening our kiss.

Please don’t stop … Please let me show you what you mean to me.

Her tongue slides into my mouth.

My hands slide into her hair.

We moan in unison.

How could I forget how much I love kissing this woman? She tastes like the orange and lime slices in the water. Her hair has a soft floral scent. And her skin … it’s all my hands ever want to touch. She’s just … all I ever want.

“St—stop.” She pulls away breathless, pressing the pads of her fingers to her lips, wide blue eyes unblinking. “I’m not her.” Her head inches side to side. “I’m not the girl you can manipulate with a kiss or empty promises. Not anymore.”

“Ave …” I run my fingers through my hair. “I’m not manipulating you.”

“You are. You’re distracting me. And you’re good at it, but … it’s all wrong. You can’t throw out temporary apologies and half-ass I love you’s just to get into my panties.”

“I …” My jaw falls open and stays there. How can she honestly believe that?

Because that’s all she’s ever known.

“I don’t want into your panties. I want into your heart, into your life.”