My Life in Shambles(53)

“Shite,” I say, half collapsing onto her, my sweat dripping off my body and onto her back. I can’t say anything more than that, I’m breathing too hard and my head feels like it’s in another dimension.

“You’re a fucking animal, you know that?” she says, barely able to raise her head and look at me over her shoulder. Her lids are heavy, and her smile is sated and a little loopy.

“You bring it out of me,” I tell her, straightening up and grabbing hold of her hip as I pull out, making sure the condom doesn’t spill. “I can’t be blamed for any of it.”

She eyes her arse. “Even though you spanked me like no one has ever been spanked before?”

I grin at her cockily. “That’s what you get for saying yes to new adventures.”





*



Valerie and I got back home at about three in the morning, after fucking each other’s brains out for hours in Alistair’s hotel room. I’m not sure if it’s the lack of sleep or the beers, but when I finally get up in the morning, my head is pounding like a drum.

I pop one of my dad’s pills, though it’s not so much for my headache. Lately, my body has been extremely sore, this constant burning pain in my legs, especially at night when they seem to get these extreme cramps. The pills my dad gave me don’t stop the burning but they do stop the spasms. The doctor told me this might happen and to return to him when it did.

I don’t want to think about that, but I know I’ll run out of the pills sooner than later and alcohol is only a temporary fix.

Thank god that sex seemed to do the job, I think.

I take a shower, standing under the hot water until the painkiller starts to kick in, then get ready for breakfast.

Valerie is already there, along with my nan and the Major, and the moment she meets my eyes, she smiles shyly and looks away.

I stand there for a moment, trying to imprint this scene in my memory. Valerie looks so fresh faced and devious all at once, and I love how she can be so dirty in the bedroom and yet still blushes like there’s no tomorrow. Meanwhile the Major is talking about the weather to Nan, who is spearing her eggs like they’ve done something personal to her.

The scene is so happy and wholesome.

And fake.

This is all for show, the voice in my head says. She’s not really yours, not in this sense. She’s a bird on your arm for now, but sooner or later, she’s going to fly away.

She’s going to go home.

I swallow hard and then quickly shake the feeling out of me.

“Yer going to have to help yourself, boy,” my nan says to me.

I pick up my plate and kiss Valerie on the cheek.

“Where’s Dad?” I ask my nan.

“Gail drove him to the doctor this morning,” Nan says.

“Gail? Why, what happened?”

“Nothing happened,” she says with a shrug. “He has to go once a week and she takes him. When he eventually can’t make the journey then the doctor will come here. At some point we’re going to need a nurse too but…” She pauses, seeming choked up. “I don’t want to think about that yet.” She sighs. “I would have to move out of the cottage and in here, and she’d have to move in there and then how am I going to rent out any rooms when they’re all taken by you buggers?”

Turns out sadness and annoyance are interchangeable with my nan.

“But I’m here now,” I tell her. “That should be my job to take him to the doctor.”

She gives me a steady look and then says, “If ye like. It’s just nice enough having ye around.”

“But I don’t want to just hang around. I want to help him. You should be using me.”

“Yea, well, that’s something to discuss with yer father.”

“But he’s sick,” I say, because I can’t bring myself to say the word dying. “At this point we should be making decisions for him. Where is his doctor anyway? Surely no one in Shambles can help him.”

“He goes to one in Cork. It’s only an hour away. I’d have taken him if I could but people get so worked up when I drive. I mean, I been doing it for seventy years, for feck’s sake,” she grumbles into her food.

All I know is that Gail isn’t driving him anymore. I don’t trust her for beans and I don’t have much time with my father left. I need to make amends. I need to reach him before it’s too late.

“I can drive him,” the Major speaks up. “I was a brilliant driver until they took my license away.”

“It’s quite all right, Major,” I tell him. Rumor has it they took his license away when he drove right through a barn and into a pile of manure. He used to have a convertible, too.

About two hours later, my dad and Gail come back. I’d been sitting on the couch with Valerie while she goes over her falconry books and looks up videos on YouTube, when I spot them walking through the backyard to the cottage.

I quickly throw on my boots and run outside into the frosty air.

My dad looks totally knackered and leans on Gail as they walk down the gravel path.

I immediately go to his other side to help, putting his arm around me. Christ. This is the first time I’ve been this close to him since I got here, and it’s like holding on to a skeleton, even when he’s bundled up in a coat. I’m afraid if he collapses he might crumble into dust.