Move the Sun (Signal Bend #1)(49)
“Then you know that’s not why I’m saying it. I’ve only said it to one other man, and I realized later that I’d been wrong. I made a promise to myself that I’d never mistake companionship for love again, that I’d never say those words again unless I was sure they were true. I need you to know that, because I’m saying them to you.”
“Well, that’s good, then. But what’s the catch? That’s not what you’re dodging, Sport. If you love me, don’t lie to me.”
The breath she took was shaky. He heard it, and he felt a thin catch of something like anxiety. “I lost my target. He’s just disappeared, fell right off the grid. My guy is looking. When he finds him, wherever he finds him, I have to go. It means I might have to start over somewhere else. Maybe far away. Maybe very soon.” She took another shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Isaac. I should have said, but I didn’t want you to pull away. That was selfish and shitty, and I’m sorry.”
Isaac was not an idiot, not by a long stretch. He was aware that Lilli had not exactly moved in to this little house in the country. Aside from the hummingbird carving he’d given her, there was virtually nothing in it that had any personality at all, and Lilli was chock full of personality. She hadn’t even been interested enough in the place to get to know her own yard. So what she was saying now didn’t blindside him. It swiped at him, because he’d been coming to hope—maybe even to expect—that once she took care of her business, then she’d settle. Whatever it was she did for a living, she could obviously do it here.
“Lilli. Can’t you come back when you’re done?”
“This isn’t the kind of thing where I can just sneak in and then right back out. I have to stay put for awhile wherever he is, to cast off suspicion. I’d rather not get caught.”
“Can you let him go?” He knew the answer, but he still had to ask.
“No. Part of me wishes I could. A month ago I would have flattened anyone who suggested that might be true, but it is. Part of me wants to let it go and just stay here. But people put themselves at risk to help with this, and I can’t let them down.”
“Baby, you have to tell me who you’re after. What he did. You’re telling me that you’re part of a f*ckin’
conspiracy to kill a guy, and it might take you away. You have to tell me more than that.”
She shook her head. “I’ve told you why I can’t. I can’t extend the risk any further. And you can’t take that risk. There’s more than yourself you need to consider.”
“What if your guy doesn’t find him?”
“Then we fail. And I stay. And that * gets away with a lot.”
He was rooting against her, then, but he wasn’t going to say it. He wrapped his hands around her arms to pull her close, but she held back.
“You’re okay with this?”
He pulled harder and dragged her into his arms; she put up only a token resistance. “There’s a lot about that whole thing I’m not okay with. I’m not okay with you putting yourself in that kind of risk regardless.
I’m not okay with the thought of you leaving and not coming back. But it’s not like I can put what I feel for you on hold while you work your shit out. So I say we deal with what comes as it comes.”
He’d pulled her to his chest; now, she sat up, her hands on his shoulders, and looked into his eyes. Her eyes glimmered with unshed tears. That was new; he hadn’t seen Lilli cry—or even come near it. He put his hand on her cheek, tracing his thumb over her cheekbone. “You okay, Sport?”
She smiled, and a tear fell onto his thumb. “Yeah. Just . . . I love you.”
“I love you. I don’t say that lightly, either. No lies, Lilli. If you can’t tell me something, at least tell me that. But no lies.”
She nodded, and he kissed her. Then he pulled her down to lie on his chest, and they slept until the sun was bright.
oOo
Lilli was off running in her tiny little stretchy clothes when the burner went off. Isaac answered. “Yeah.”
“Isaac, it’s Kenyon.”
That could only be bad news. Kenyon had called twice in the past week or so, bearing nothing but bad news. Lawrence Ellis was indeed looking to buy Will out—by one kind of incentive or another. Ellis was indeed looking to annex the meth trade as a complement to his robust cocaine and heroin enterprises. Get the junkies all up and down the socio-economic and cultural spectra. The Northside Knights, Ellis’s point men for crack in St. Louis, seeing an opportunity for an up in their own beef with the Horde, had set Ellis on the Horde’s heels. And Ellis was putting muscle and money on the ground.
Seeing dark clouds on the eastern horizon, Isaac had turned west, meeting in Joplin with crew heads from there and Tulsa. So far, things were quiet in that direction, but they were much smaller and more remote from the power centers. St. Louis, with its proximity to Chicago, looked to catch fire. Becker, from Tulsa, and Dandy, from Joplin, were mostly interested in not getting singed. So Isaac left that meet knowing he’d need to sweeten the pot before he could hope for their backup. What looked to be brewing was big enough that decades-long alliances weren’t strong enough on their own.
And here was Isaac, trying to hold together his little town of a few hundred souls. Damn, he hoped Kenyon was right, that it was the strong ones who stayed. Because these poor saps must be tough as jerky by now, all they’ve been through.