More Than I Could (65)

I stand, my chest shaking with trepidation. “Well, maybe … you know …” I glance around the room again. “If I could find the right person someday who would treat me well—someone I could trust not to take a sledgehammer to my life—maybe I could consider settling down with someone.”

“That’s my hope for you.”

That’s my hope for me too.

It scares me to admit it. My heart pounds, and my underarms sweat. Considering letting someone in my life in a way that matters is terrifying.

What if it starts a chain of men in and out of my life? What if they get close enough to hurt me like I’ve seen many men do to my mother in the past? What if I end up feeling like an impostor in my personal life?

I’ve never met anyone I implicitly trusted. There’s never been a man who I looked at and believed wholeheartedly was a good man. I haven’t met the country song version of a man who drives a truck and holds open doors. Someone who takes me to Applebees on a date night and is just as happy with a beer on the back porch as anything after supper.

My throat burns.

I’ve never met anyone like that until recently.

Adrenaline trickles through my veins, and I have to move. I walk into the kitchen and pace the room as my head spins.

Am I losing my mind? Am I losing touch with reality?

What am I thinking?

I’ve known Chase for almost two weeks. Two. Weeks. How do I rationalize this?

The longer I think about it, the more confusing it gets. Yes, he’s a great guy. The sex is phenomenal. He’s fun to be around, which is a surprise.

But I’m leaving here in two weeks. His teenage daughter is his top priority—as she should be. I’m not even certain I want to be involved with a teenager full-time.

I cringe. What are you thinking, Megan? You aren’t staying here. You don’t have a role or the opportunity to have a role in Kennedy’s life long-term. Get yourself together.

“Dallas is my home because this is where I raised you,” Mom says. “I’m happy here. My friends are here. My life is here.” She pauses. “I’m safe here.”

I exhale harshly.

“You’ll find your home, Megan.”

“I’m starting to wonder if that’s true.”

“One day, you’ll wake up and realize that a piece of your heart resides outside your body. You’ll feel a draw to that place no matter where you are in the world. You’ll only feel whole and content when you’re there—and that will be your home. That’s where things make sense. That’s where you’re meant to be.”

I lean against the counter and glance around the kitchen. I can hear Kennedy’s laughter and Chase’s sighs as she prods him for a reaction. The smell of dinner wafts through the air.

And I smile. This place is a home.

“My doctor’s office is calling,” Mom says. “Call me later, okay?”

“I will. Love you.”

“Love you, Megan. Goodbye.”

The call ends. I’m holding the phone in the middle of the kitchen as a myriad of emotions rolls through me. The biggest feelings scare me because here, in this room—in this house, my life makes more sense than ever.

I look at my screen.



Chase: What are you doing?





Me: Figuring out dinner. You?





Chase: Trying not to punch my supervisor.





Me: Sounds like a solid plan. <muscle emoji>





Chase: I have another solid plan.





Me: Do you?





Chase: I want you to sleep with me tonight.





Me: What about Kennedy?





Chase: Once she’s in her room, she doesn’t come out. I’ll be gone from tomorrow morning until Friday night. I need to get enough of you to hold me over.





Me: You’re insatiable.





Chase: Are you complaining?





Me: Not even a little <grinning emoji>





Chase: I should be home around seven.





Me: I’ll be here.





Chase: See you then.





Me: See you then.





I set the phone down and stare out the window. The rain continues to come down in buckets.

“You’ll only feel whole and content when you’re there—and that will be your home. That’s where things make sense. That’s where you’re meant to be.”

I march to the table and open my email. My fingers go to the keyboard.



Hi, Dorothy,

Thank you for your email.

While I appreciate you reaching out, I don’t believe Iyala is a good fit for me at this time. I didn’t take this decision lightly. There have been a few opportunities available to me recently that I would like to explore.

I wish you the very best.

Sincerely,

Megan Kramer



I hit send.

And hope I don’t regret it.





Chapter Twenty-Four