Mistakes Were Made(91)

I’m in Boston for work. You free tonight? I could stick around for dinner maybe?

They’d met for dinner when Erin was in town before, but she didn’t go to the city as often as she wanted to see Cassie. It was easier to lie than to say I miss you. I want to see you. Easier to give Cassie an out that wouldn’t feel as much like a rejection. Cassie was always free, though.



* * *



It was almost the end of June before Cassie came up for a weekend at the same time Rachel was over. As soon as Rachel laid eyes on Cassie, Erin knew it was a mistake. She had lasted this long without introducing them, and she should’ve kept it up. Rachel had no tells—nothing specific that Erin could point to, but she knew.

Rachel didn’t say anything, though. Not right then, and not later, when Parker announced they were going swimming, then wrapped her hand around Cassie’s wrist and tugged. Cassie threw a smile over her shoulder at Erin as Parker dragged her outside. Erin bit her lip instead of smiling back, turned back to Rachel once the door closed behind the girls.

Rachel’s head was tilted, and Erin steeled herself for whatever smart-ass thing would come out of her mouth, but she launched into stories about her trip to Greece instead. Erin listened, and laughed, and relaxed.

Over the next half hour, Rachel shared every detail about her favorite meals, activities, hotels, and bartenders in Greece and Erin eventually forgot to worry about it, so of course that was when Rachel tilted her head again and said, “So this is why you didn’t tell me?”

Erin tried not to go stiff. “What?”

“That kid out there is why you’ve been smiling at your phone all the time?”

“She’s not a kid,” Erin said immediately, only realizing when Rachel’s eyes flashed that was the wrong part of the sentence to argue with. “I am not having this conversation right now.”

“You are absolutely having this conversation right now,” Rachel said. “You could’ve told me!”

Rachel had at least lowered her voice to an almost-whisper, but Erin kept an eye on Cassie and Parker out the window anyway.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Erin insisted.

“Are you kidding me?”

She turned to face Rachel.

“Nothing you don’t already know,” she said. It was … vaguely true. “You know I’ve been sleeping with someone. And now you know who. That’s all there is to it.”

Rachel gave her a Look, which meant Erin was not going to get out of this conversation.

“You know that’s not all there is to it,” Rachel said. “You are doing a hell of a lot more than sleeping with her.”

Erin did know. Erin had known for a long time, and that was why she’d never told Rachel everything. Rachel always encouraged Erin’s bad decisions.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “Nothing’s going to happen.”

“Nothing’s going to happen? It’s already happening, Erin!”

“Rachel, be quiet,” Erin shushed.

“Just explain, and I’ll shut up.”

“There is nothing to explain,” she said. “I can’t just date my daughter’s twenty-two-year-old best friend because she’s good in bed.”

“Are you serious right now?”

Erin shrugged, palms open at Rachel. Describing Cassie like that felt cruel, but that was how it had started, right? The best sex of her life in the back of a rental car. That was how it should have ended, too. If Erin had been a better person, a better mother, there wouldn’t have been anything else. Now, she was in over her head, but back then, she could’ve stopped it. She should’ve stopped it before it became something bigger.

Rachel sighed. “You aren’t serious, right? You know this is more than that?”

“Of course I know, Rachel,” Erin snapped, suddenly at her breaking point. “I know she’s clever and funny and kind, even if she would never describe herself that way. I know she makes me laugh more than anyone other than you. I know she’s … great,” Erin paused, defeated. “She’s also my daughter’s best friend. We cannot have more than this summer, but goddammit I am letting myself have this summer.”

She couldn’t look at Rachel’s face, all empathetic and distressed.

“Erin,” Rachel said. “You can let yourself—”

“Please tell me you are not about to try to talk me into dating my daughter’s best friend who is barely half my age.”

“I’m not trying to talk you into anything, but let’s look at the facts.” Erin glared at her. “You spend time together, you spend all day texting—”

“We do not spend all day texting.”

Rachel ignored her. “I’m not trying to talk you into dating your daughter’s best friend because it seems like you might already be doing it. And you’re happier than I’ve seen you in a long time.”

“It’s not something that can work,” Erin said. The sharp edge in her words surprised her. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Her voice cracked, then, and she was excruciatingly embarrassed.

“Okay,” Rachel said. “Okay, we don’t have to.”

There was a splash, and Erin looked up to see Cassie surface in the pool. Parker said something and Cassie laughed. Erin’s chest clenched.