Maybe Someday(98)

but never with so much conviction or fear.

Her mouth tastes of tears, and I’m not sure

whose they are, because we’re both crying now.

She pushes against my chest, wanting to speak to

me, but I don’t want her to. I don’t want to watch

her tell me how okay my feelings for Sydney are.

They’re not okay. They shouldn’t be okay at

all.

She sits up and pushes me away from her, then

wipes her tears. I lean my elbow into the couch

and cover my mouth with my trembling hand.

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“There’s more. There’s so much more I need

to tell you, and I need you to give me the oppor-

tunity to get it out, okay?”

I simply nod, when all I want to do is tell her

how hearing her out is the last thing my heart can

take right now. She adjusts herself and pulls her

legs onto the couch. She wraps her arms around

them and rests her cheek on her knee, looking

away from me. She’s still and quiet and

contemplating.

I’m a complete wreck as I sit here and wait.

She unwraps her hands from around her legs

and slowly lifts her head to look me in the eyes.

“Remember the day we met?” she asks.

There’s a faint smile in her eyes, and my panic

eases slightly at the pleasantness in her memory.

I nod.

“I noticed you first, before I noticed Warren.

When Warren approached me, I was hoping he

was approaching me for you. I remember making

eye contact with you over his shoulder, because I

wanted to smile at you so you would know that

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you caught my eye the same way I caught yours.

But when I realized Warren wasn’t approaching

me for you, I was disappointed. There was

something about you that tugged at me in a way

that Warren didn’t, but you didn’t seem to have

that same reaction to me. Warren was cute, so I

agreed to go out with him, especially since I

thought you weren’t into me that day.”

I close my eyes and soak in her words for a

moment. I never knew this. I’m not sure at this

point that I want to know this. After several quiet moments, I reluctantly open my eyes again and

let her finish.

“For the short time I dated Warren, you and I

would have these brief conversations and mo-

ments of eye contact that always seemed to make

you uncomfortable, and I knew it made you un-

comfortable because you were developing feel-

ings for me. But your loyalty to Warren was so

strong that you wouldn’t allow yourself to go

there. I always admired that about you, because I

knew the two of us would have worked so well.

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To be honest, I was secretly hoping you would

betray his friendship and just kiss me or

something, because you were all I thought about.

I’m not even sure I was with Warren for Warren.

I think I was with him for you all along.

“Then, a few weeks after Warren and I broke

up, I began to think I’d never see you again, be-

cause you never came for me like I hoped you

would. The thought of that terrified me, so I

showed up at your apartment one day. You wer-

en’t there, but Brennan was. I think he knew why

I was there, so he told me not to worry, that I just

needed to give you time. He told me about the

deal you and Warren made and that you really

did have feelings for me but didn’t feel right pur-

suing them yet. He even showed me the date you

had circled on the calendar. I’ll never forget how

that made me feel, and from that point on, I coun-

ted down the days until you showed up at my

front door.”

She wipes away a tear. I briefly close my eyes

and try to show her respect by not allowing

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myself to pull her to me again, but it’s so hard. I

never knew she came for me. Brennan never told

me, and right now, I’m struggling with wanting

to let him know how pissed I am that he kept

quiet and how much I love him for informing

Maggie of how I felt.

“I fell in love with you during that year of

waiting for you. I fell in love with your loyalty to

Warren. I fell in love with your loyalty to me. I

fell in love with your patience and your will-

power. I fell in love with the fact that you didn’t

want to start things out wrong with us. You

wanted everything to be as right as it could be, so

you waited an entire year. Believe me, Ridge. I

know how hard it was, because I was waiting

right along with you.”

I lift my hand and wipe a tear from her cheek,

then let her finish.

“I swore I wouldn’t allow my illness to inter-

fere with us. I wouldn’t let it prevent me from

completely falling in love with you. I wouldn’t

let it be my crutch to push you away. You were