Maybe Matt's Miracle(38)

“All water under the bridge, Dad,” I say. “None of it can be changed now.” I start to clear the dishes from the table.

“Your mom is in rehab again,” he blurts out.

I sink back in my chair, and the plates clatter to the tabletop. “Now?”

He nods. “Yes, now. She went. I saw her yesterday. She looks good. Like her old self. She wants to see you.”

I feel like someone has let the air out of me. “I assumed you asked me to take these kids because you knew I didn’t care if I ever had a relationship with Mother.”

I may as well have slapped him. “I asked you to take them because you have more love to give than anyone I have ever met. They needed you.”

“No, Dad,” I correct. “I needed them. They don’t love me yet, but they have the potential to. And I’m hopeful that one day they will because I already know I love them. All of them.”

“I had a feeling that’s how this would go.”

“Why the sudden interest in my life, Dad?” I ask. “Phone calls and lunches and showing up at matches… I don’t know what to do with it all. I don’t know why you’re doing it.” I pound my fist on the table, and the dishes jump. “You don’t have to pretend to love me for me to love them.”

“I’m not pretending, Sky. I love you. I know I royally messed things up. But I’m still your father, and if you’ll let me, I want to be there for you.”

“Take, take, take, take.” I throw up my hands. “That’s all you ever do, Dad. You take. You took from Kendra’s mother. You took from Kendra. You take from the kids because they make you feel loved. There’s nothing like unconditional love from children.” I squeeze my fist in front of my heart. “You took from Mom.”

“Your mom has her own demons.”

“And so do you, Dad. It’s called being an unfaithful liar.”

He opens his mouth to protest, but I hold up a hand. “Do you know that I can’t have a healthy relationship with a man because I’m constantly waiting for him to leave? I’m waiting and waiting for him to take off and go away, just like you. I’m always waiting for him to drop me. And I don’t care if he does because I never let anyone get close enough to hurt me.”

Jesus Christ. Where did that come from?

I get up and finally put the plates in the sink. “I think you should go, Dad,” I say. I brace my hands on the edge of the counter because my knees are about to give out.

I hear Dad shuffle around. Then he comes over and kisses my temple really quickly. “I love you, Sky,” he says.

Then he’s gone. And it’s not until he leaves the room that I let myself break. I drop onto the couch and put my head in my hands and sob. I cry because I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t ask for him to unburden his soul all over my kitchen table. Now I know enough that I pity him, and I’d rather hate him. I’d rather feel nothing at all. There’s a noise at the door, and it opens. I’m about to scream at Dad, but I see Seth come in. He stops short when he sees me.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

I force a smile and sweep beneath my eyes with my fingertips. “Allergies,” I say. “Why are you home early?”

“We got out at noon today,” he says. “Half day.”

“Oh.” He must have forgotten to tell me he had a half day. It wouldn’t matter anyway, since Joey and Mellie would be gone all day regardless. Day care isn’t on the same schedule. I get up and try to smile at him. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

I go into my room and lean heavily against the door. How did everything get so messed up?





Matt



Paul sits across from me at the kitchen table munching on his Honey Graham Oh’s. He flings an envelope at me from the mail pile. I look down at the elegant scroll. Fuck. It’s the invitation.

I open it up and read out loud. “You are cordially invited to the wedding of the lying bitch and the cheating f*ckhead of a best friend.” I lay it down on the table and point to the envelope. “Look, she included the whole family. You guys can go with me.”

“Are you going to go?” Paul asks around his cereal.

I shrug. “I don’t see why I should. It’s not like it matters.”

He grins. “You’re over her.”

“Hell, yeah, I’m over her,” I say. And I am. I am one hundred percent completely over her. “I am pretty damn sure I’m in love with Sky.”

I’ve seen her every night this week. On the days when I can’t go over to the apartment at night, I take her to an early lunch at work. I don’t want to go a day without seeing her. We still haven’t moved past the hot-kissing stage, but that’s okay with me.

Paul narrows his eyes at me. “That was quick.”

“Pete and Logan say that’s how it worked for them.” I snap my fingers. “Quick.”

Paul shakes his head. “I can’t say I’ve ever felt that.”

Hopefully, one day, he will.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out. Why would Seth be calling me this early in the afternoon?

“What’s wrong, Seth?” I ask. I’m grinning when I answer, but it soon falls from my face. He’s quiet. Too quiet.