Maybe Matt's Miracle(37)

“That doesn’t sound like Mom at all.”

He makes a snuffling noise. “I know, right?” he says. “But she was amazing. We got married, and then your mom got pregnant with Tim and then with Lydia, and we didn’t have a pot to piss in, but we were happy. So happy. Sometimes it hurts to even think back to those days. Because then things changed.”

“You cheated.”

His eyes jerk up to mine. “No. That was after.”

“After what?”

“Your mom got pregnant a third time and then miscarried late term. Very late term. She sunk into a depression and had a really hard time coming out of it. At the same time, I sold some computer software I wrote to a big company, and we suddenly had some money. We bought a house, and your mom started to settle in. But I had long hours, and she started to pull away from me more and more. She started dressing in fancy clothes and going out to lunch with friends, all of whom were really wealthy, and we were growing more and more wealthy, too.”

“I didn’t know about the baby.”

“So, I was working all the time, some of which was to support her new need for more things, bigger cars, and jewelry.” He shakes his head. “The girl I met in the grass that day was suddenly gone, and I worked really hard to bring her back. I had a limited amount of time and even less energy, but I did try. Your mom pushed me away at every turn, and finally, I realized that we were just living in the same house. We weren’t in love anymore. We were nothing.”

“That’s when you met Kendra’s mom.”

He nods. “She worked in my office. It was terribly inappropriate, and I still feel bad about it. But what hurt even more was when I broke things off with her and went to confess my sins to your mother, your mom just didn’t care anymore. She wanted to maintain her lifestyle and nothing more. So, I stayed in a relationship with Kendra’s mother. And your mother became the woman she is today.”

“Cold and heartless.”

“She’s not cold and heartless,” he protests. “She’s just…hurt, I think. I don’t know. She never really got over that baby. And she never got over us. And neither did I.”

“Dad,” I start. “How did you two end up with me?” I’m fifteen years younger than my siblings. Like a whole new family.

He smiles. “It was crazy. One day I went home, and your mother was in the garden. She had dirt from the tip of her nose to the bottoms of her feet. Honestly, she acted a little bit nuts that day, looking back on it, but she was her old self. I don’t know what happened, but it was like someone flipped a switch in her. I looked into her eyes and saw the woman I fell in love with.”

He grins. “She looked up at me from the dirt pile and asked me if I wanted to help. She shoved a trowel at me, and I took off my coat and rolled up my sleeves. We got dirty together and then the sprinklers suddenly came on, drenching us both. Your mother, with her perfect hair and her perfect everything else, would normally throw a hissy fit if she got wet or dirty, but she just flopped down on the grass and laughed. That was when I realized your mother was sober. She was completely and totally sober, and she hadn’t been for a really long time.

“She’d gone through AA and been in therapy, and I hadn’t even noticed it. She wasn’t taking pain pills she didn’t need. Her head was clear, and she was that laughing, funny, intelligent girl I met in college. But older and better. And I realized I still loved her. I worked really hard to court her and make her fall in love with me again. And she did. She let me back in.”

“Did you stop seeing Kendra’s mother?”

He nods. “I couldn’t stop seeing her entirely because we had a daughter together, but I did stop the relationship. She was heartbroken, but she got over it. I think she respected the fact that I wanted my marriage again, in some small way.” He shrugs. “She did fall in love again and marry, and it wasn’t a relationship that had to be in secret. Back then, interracial couples didn’t go out in public without some pretty obnoxious stares, particularly wealthy white men who are already married. But she met a man and got married. She was happy. And I was happy with your mom.” He grins. “And you were born. Your mom was ecstatic.”

I snort. “You’re a good liar, Dad.”

He holds up his hands as though surrendering. “I’m not lying. It was like we had a new start.”

I wait because he’s going to drop the bomb on me soon. I can feel it coming.

“Then when you were around five, I noticed that she was going out to lunches with her old friends, and she was suddenly pushing me away. She started drinking again, and it became all about the wealth. No matter what I did, she wouldn’t get any help. But I stayed. I never left her side. Kendra’s mother died, and your mom threw a party, even though that relationship had been over for years. I’ve never been able to forgive her for that.”

“Ding-dong, the witch is dead,” I whisper.

He startles. “You knew about that?”

I nod, and tears fill my eyes. I brush them back. “She was drunk when it happened. When she told me, I mean.”

“I hired nannies to take care of you because she simply wasn’t able. I worked because I had to keep her in the lifestyle to which she was accustomed. Looking back, I should have forced her to get treatment. She could have been a wonderful mother to you if I had.”