Maybe Matt's Miracle(24)

I set my wineglass on the side table when I realize it’s empty.

“I do want to talk to you about something, though,” he says. He’s quiet and serious and he stops rubbing my leg. He wraps his hand around my ankle.

“Okay,” I say hesitantly.

“With all the chemo, the chances of my ever having kids are slim.” His eyes are full of pain. “There’s probably no chance at all.” He jerks a thumb toward the hallway. “Would you be satisfied with three kids and no more?”

I lay my head back and laugh. “You think I need more than three?”

“I just want to be completely honest with you. I can’t get you pregnant. So if you wanted to have a baby, I’m not the guy for you, and I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

I gesture to his lap. “Everything…works? Right?” Heat creeps up my cheeks. He lifts my foot and presses it closer to his zipper.

“Everything works,” he says quietly. He’s fully hard against the side of my foot, and I feel like my face is aflame with embarrassment, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“I have a question for you now,” I say. I don’t even know how to phrase it, but I have to ask. “My kids,” I say. “They’re not blond haired and blue eyed. Would that be a problem for you?”

We’re totally putting the cart before the horse here, and I feel stupid even asking these questions of a man I just met, but I like him. I like him a lot.

“Your kids are perfect,” he says. “I would be honored to spend time with them.”

“But, like…” I drop my face in my hands. I can’t get what Phillip said to me out of my head. “But…would you be okay being with them in public and having people think they’re yours? And mine?” I gesture back and forth between us. “Not that I’m trying to give you my kids or anything, but we’re sort of a package deal.”

“I like the package,” he says. “And I’d be honored for anyone in the world to think those kids were mine, if we ever got that point in our relationship.”

“This is a relationship?” I ask. I’m grinning like a fool, though.

“Not yet,” he says. “Right now, I’m just a crazy guy you just met who divested you of your stockings and wants to touch your feet.” He looks down at my toes and tickles them. He looks me in the face. “So, now you want to fall in love with me?” he asks. “You did hit me in the face, so I’m obligated to marry you at some point.”

I toss my hands up. “Or we could just hang out,” I say with a laugh.

He nods. “That sounds nice.” He smiles at me.

“So why hasn’t some lucky woman snatched you up yet?” I ask again.

“I have issues.” He chuckles, but then he sobers. “I do have some trust issues. And, while I am in remission, I live each day knowing I could get sick again. I don’t like wasting time because it’s one of the only things in life we can’t get more of. So, I know I’m moving really fast and I’m probably scaring the shit out of you, but that’s how I roll. I love hard when I love, and I hope you’re okay with that.”

I scoff. “Don’t tell me you’re in love with me when you just met me. I’d have to call you a liar.”

“No, I’m not in love with you…yet. But for the first time in a long time, I want to chase this feeling and see where it goes.”

“So, I’m the chasee, huh?” I ask. My heart thrills at the idea of it.

“Oh, I plan to chase you. Provided that you’d welcome my advances.” His hand slides up and tickles the back of my knee, and I’d welcome just about any advances he wants to lay on me. “Just one more thing,” he says.

“What?” I ask.

“Once I fall in love with you, don’t ever cheat on me. If you want to be done with me, tell me. But don’t lie to me or cheat on me. It’ll make me hate you. And all I want to do is love you. Someday. When we’re both ready.”

I’m ready now. But I’m not at the same time. “Deal,” I say.

He lays his head back against the sofa and tilts it to look at me. “So, can I keep playing with your feet?” His eyes are full of all sorts of things I don’t understand, but I like it. I like it a lot.

I sit forward and pull my feet out of his lap. He pouts until I put my bottom in it instead. I take his face in my hands and look into his eyes. “I like you a lot,” I whisper.

“Not in love with me yet, though?” he whispers back, but his hands wrap around my hip and lock beside me, holding me close to him.

“Not yet,” I say.

He rubs his nose against mine in gentle little sweeps up and down, his eyes closed. My lips are so close to his that I can almost taste him. But suddenly, he picks me up and plops me down on the couch. He stands up, adjusts his jeans, and kisses my forehead. “I have to go,” he says quickly.

“What?” I sputter. I was about to kiss him.

“Thanks for letting me hang out with the kids tonight. It was a lot of fun bowling with your family.”

I suddenly feel empty, and I don’t like it. “Thanks for dropping everything when Seth called you. And for the pizza.” And thanks for flipping my world upside down.