Maybe Matt's Miracle(22)

Seth shrugs. “You sure?” he asks, cocking his head to the side.

I nod and smile at him. “If you don’t mind. I’d like to put them to bed.”

Seth nods toward the girls’ bedroom. “Sure,” he says flippantly, and he starts in that direction.

He pulls back the covers and flies Joey around like an airplane, making a humming, blowing noise with his mouth until she lands between the sheets. She giggles, and he leans down to kiss her cheek. “Good night,” he says. Then he comes and helps me tuck Mellie in. She’s out cold, and she barely makes a move as he covers her. I turn to walk out the door, but Joey calls out and I have to turn back.

“Aunt Sky?” she says.

I turn back. She’s snug as a bug in a rug in her blankets, and I can’t think of anything she might need. “Do you need something?”

“She’s going to make you stay as long as she can, asking for kisses and water and everything she really doesn’t need,” Seth warns. He points a finger at her and says, “Go to sleep.”

I walk back over to the bed and sit down on the edge, tucking the blankets even more tightly around her. She pulls her arm out and lays her hand on my forearm. “If you see my mommy,” she whispers. “Will you tell her good night?”

My heart clenches in my chest, and I have to close my eyes and take a deep breath. But then I lean over and whisper in her ear. “You can talk to your mommy anytime you want, and she’ll hear you. So you can tell her good night, yourself.” I tweak her nose playfully.

“She can hear me?” she whispers.

I nod my head. “She can hear you, even though she’s not here anymore.” I blink my eyes furiously because it’s all I can do to sit there without sobbing. When did I become such a crybaby? The same time I became a mom, apparently. “She’ll never leave you. I promise.”

“I’ll tell her myself,” she says. She smiles and rolls into her pillow, her eyes closing.

“Good night,” I say, and I kiss her forehead, lingering for a moment to take in that little-girl smell.

Seth is waiting for me in the hallway when I come out. “Wow,” he breathes.

“What?” I ask. I avoid his gaze because he looks like someone just jerked the rug out from under him.

He shakes his head. “Sometimes it seems so easy to go on without her, and then other times, the memories and all the small things about her just swamp you, you know?”

I don’t know. I’ve never had anyone who loved me like their mom loved them. I don’t know what it’s like to lose your anchor. To suddenly float rudderless. “You can talk to her, too, you know.” I say. He follows me to the kitchen. “She’s still here for you.”

He shakes his head again. “I like to think that, but I’m not sure I believe it.” He heaves a sigh. “I feel kind of alone.”

My heart sinks. I felt like we were finally getting somewhere, but maybe I’m not able to give him what he needs. “I’ll try harder,” I say.

He pulls me into his arms and squeezes me, his forearm wrapped around my head again in that awkward embrace. But I like it.

“Everything okay?” Matt asks from the doorway. He lifts an eyebrow at me.

I step back and brush my hair back from my face. “Fine,” I say, smiling at him. I don’t know why, but it feels natural having Matt around. We have this odd kind of chemistry that makes my belly flutter but comforts me at the same. He brings a sense of peace with him. I can’t define it, but I know I want more of it.

He walks up to Seth and wraps his arm around the boy’s head, taking him in a gentle headlock, and gives him a noogie. Seth shoves at him, but he’s smiling. “I’m going to bed,” Seth says.

“Already?” I complain. I look at my watch. “It’s early yet.”

He glances quickly at Matt, and Matt ducks his head and grins. “I’m tired,” Seth says, and he fakes a yawn and a stretch. He’s grinning, and Matt swipes a hand down his face to hide his own smile. Seth kisses my forehead, bumps knuckles with Matt, and goes to his room.

I don’t know what to do with myself all alone with Matt, so I start to load the dishwasher with today’s dishes. Matt picks up plates and cups from the table and helps me.

“Careful or I’ll get used to having you around,” I warn playfully.

He looks directly into my eyes. “Good. That’s what I’m going for.”

My breath hitches, and I have to turn away so that I’m not facing him. I lay my hands flat on the counter and take a breath. But then I feel Matt’s length behind me. His palms lie flat on the counter beside mine, his arms bracketing my body. I can feel him from the top of my head to the heels of my feet, he’s that close.

“You in love with me yet?” he whispers quietly.

A grin steals across my face, and I’m so glad he can’t see it. “Nope,” I say past the lump in my throat.

He brushes the hair from the back of my neck and presses his lips there. I’m suddenly glad he’s behind me because my knees might just give out. His lips are soft and warm, but insistent. He kisses the side of my neck, and I tilt my head because it feels so damn good.

“Someday, you’re going to want to marry me,” he murmurs.

“You’re awfully sure of yourself.” My voice quavers only a little. I’m quite proud of that.