Maybe Matt's Miracle(13)

My voice is cracking, and I can’t catch my breath. But I need for him to know how I feel about this. Sometimes I open the door to the girls’ room and just watch them breathe as they sleep. It’s really the only time I’ve been able to get close to them. “I didn’t get to count their fingers and toes when they were born, but I can count them every day when they come home from school. I can be their Aunt Sky, and someday, when I’ve earned their trust and I’m lucky enough for them to love me, maybe, maybe then they’ll want to be my family.”

I want a family. I want those kids.

“Sky, think about what you’re doing,” he says. “You’re emotional. You need to sit down and think this through. Don’t do something you’ll regret. Make a list of the pros and cons if you need to.”

“Pro: they’re amazing.” I start to tick items off on my fingers, even though he can’t see me. “Pro: if they’ll let me love them, I’ll be the happiest woman on the face of the earth. Furthermore, I’m not emotional. I’m perfectly rational.”

He scoffs. “You don’t sound rational.”

I hold up another finger. “Pro: you’ve already dumped me, so now I can tell you that you’re really lousy in bed, Phillip. Awful. You’re selfish. If I never have to see your penis again, I’ll be a happy, happy woman. Giddy, in fact.”

“I’m not bad in bed…”

“You’re selfish. And I almost never get to come, Phillip. You know this.”

“I didn’t,” he mumbles.

“Never.” I grin at myself in the mirror. “My pros are far outweighing my cons. I see orgasms in my future without you, Phillip. Lots of orgasms.”

He hisses at me. “Con: people will look at you funny for the rest of your life when you parade those kids in public. They’ll never see them at yours. They’ll see them as some poor orphans you adopted. Or, even worse, they’ll assume that you are their mom.”

“That’s not a con. It doesn’t bother me that they’re biracial. I love the color of their skin, their eyes, and their hair.” Although I do need to learn how to make those little pom-pom knots for the girls. The texture of their hair is a lot different than mine. “I love it because I love them.”

“You just met them last week!” he yells.

“But I feel like my heart has known them forever.” The sound of Mellie’s laughter makes me soften. The look of pure surrender on Seth’s face as he takes care of the girls makes me melt. And Joey, when she gets all dirty when she eats, I think it’s adorable. “I love these kids. And I will fight with my dying breath to take care of them. So don’t ever tell me that they’re not good enough for my life. In fact, I think it’s the other way around. I’m not good enough for them.” Finally, a tear tracks down my face. I have a lot to learn, but I can do it. “But I will be.”

“If your mind is made up,” he clips out.

“Unequivocally,” I toss back.

The line goes dead. And it’s only then that I let myself crumble. I rest my palms on the dresser and put my weight on them, biting my lower lip as a sob racks me.

“Aunt Sky,” I hear from the doorway.

I look up and swipe my fingertips beneath my eyes. “Seth,” I say. God, I hope he didn’t hear any of that.

“Are you all right?” he asks quietly. He walks into the room. I look away because I still want to cry.

Seth reaches out and wraps his arm around me, pulling me against him. He has me in a weird kind of headlock, but it feels nice. He holds me close to him. He’s already inches taller than I am. I force myself not to sob but for a moment. “How much of that did you hear?” I ask as I pull back.

“I didn’t hear anything about orgasms,” he says with a grin. He swipes a hand over his mouth.

A chuckle erupts from me. “Well, that’s good.”

“And I didn’t hear anything at all about Phillip’s junk.” He shudders.

“Even better.” I look up at him. “I’m sorry you heard all that.”

“I’m not,” he says, and he suddenly looks like a young adult. “I’m glad I heard it.”

“Well, I’m not. I’ll try to be quieter next time.”

He sits down on the edge of my bed. “I’ve been really worried,” he admits.

I sit down beside him. “Me, too.”

“But I’m thinking that since we don’t have a mom and you don’t have a family, we can make this work.” He doesn’t look at me, and I sense a little tremor in his voice.

“I think we can make it work, too.”

He puts his arm around my shoulders. “I have one question for you.”

I assume he wants my resume, which is wholly inadequate, particularly since Phillip thinks he just put me on leave. It will be a cold day in hell… “What?” I ask.

“Did you mean it when you said you wanted to teach me to drive?” He grins down at me.

I laugh. It feels good to laugh with Seth. “Yeah, I meant it.” I bump his shoulder with mine. “Our groundskeeper taught me.”

“That’s sad,” he says, his eyes narrowing.

“Yeah.” I nod. “It kind of is.”