Make a Wish (Spark House #3)(91)

“I didn’t let her do anything. She was on the slides. I was messaging you about dinner, and when I looked up, I realized she wasn’t on the slides anymore and that she’d moved to the climber.”

“You know how I feel about the climber, let alone when it’s raining. It has accident written all over it. Why would she think it’s okay to go on it unless you let her do that all the time?”

“Excuse me? What exactly are you saying, Gavin? That I go behind your back and let her do things you wouldn’t?”

“Well, that’s what it damn well looks like. What if she’d been hurt worse? What if she had to go to the actual hospital and not just urgent care?” Memories keep surfacing, ones I can’t control and don’t want, and I lash out, because it’s the only thing I can do. “Maybe Karen’s right. Maybe you are a bad influence. Maybe I shouldn’t be putting this kind of faith in your ability to take care of my daughter.”

Harley recoils, like my words are a physical blow. “Why would you say something like that? Where the hell is this coming from?”

“She could have broken something. Or hit her head!”

Her gaze turns cold, and she pushes up off the couch. “Keep your voice down,” she whispers angrily. “Unless you would like your daughter, who has just been through a pretty serious trauma tonight, to hear us arguing.”

She moves toward the kitchen, away from the bedrooms, and I follow, my frustration mounting with every passing second. She whirls when she reaches the kitchen and crosses her arms. “I understand that you’re upset about Peyton getting hurt today, and I’m very sorry that happened. But what you’re insinuating isn’t fair. I’m always careful with Peyton, and I pay attention when I take her out. I was seconds away from telling her to be careful and reminding her that you don’t like the climber. Accidents happen. Kids fall and get hurt. It’s part of growing up, and blaming it on me and saying I’m a bad influence is hurtful and frankly untrue.”

“You obviously weren’t paying attention this time.”

She exhales heavily through her nose. “What is this really about, Gavin?”

“It’s about making sure my daughter doesn’t end up in a cast or worse!”

She purses her lips. “Sometimes that happens, and not because anyone did anything wrong. I think you’re allowing this accident to drive a wedge between us. I just don’t understand why you’re doing this.”

“The only thing I’m doing is trying to protect my daughter and myself. She’s all I have left. I can’t and won’t let anything happen to her.”

I watch Harley deflate, the anger leaching out of her, and in its place is sadness. “I understand wanting to protect Peyton, Gavin, but the way you’re reacting doesn’t match the injury. You talk about Karen sabotaging your relationships, but how much of that is on you for allowing it? You’re not treating me like your girlfriend right now, Gavin. You’re treating me like I’m still the nanny. We’re supposed to be partners here, and while I care deeply about Peyton, and you, it feels a lot like you’re conveniently adjusting my role so you can use me as a scapegoat.”

“You were supposed to be taking care of her.”

She props her hands on her hips. “I think you need to look at this relationship critically and ask yourself what you’re doing with me, Gavin. Is this really about wanting a relationship with me, or is this about having someone to take the pressure off parenting? I can’t be the former nanny and the girlfriend. Either you let me step into one set of shoes, or you’re going to continue to follow old patterns. You can’t treat me like this and expect me not to call you on it. I am not twenty years old anymore. I’m an adult in a relationship with a single dad. It’s complicated, and sometimes it’s messy. But I’m starting to wonder if maybe it’s less about Karen and more about you being afraid of dealing with what happened to Marcie.”

I shake my head. “How am I ever supposed to let her go when I see her every single day in my daughter?” I don’t know how to make her understand, I don’t even know if I do.

“I’m not saying you should let her go, at all. But you never talk about her. Ever. Not to me, not to Peyton. I understand that it must hurt, but avoiding all of the feelings that come with that loss aren’t going to help you move past it. And I get how hard that is, I really do. Losing my parents was devastating. And I’m sure losing Marcie was more painful than I can fathom, but how can we ever be a real couple when you refuse to deal with all of those old hurts? How can we move forward together when at the slightest sign of trouble, you shut down on me?”

“That’s not what’s happening.” But even as I say it, the truth of what she’s saying starts to sink in. Is she right?

Sadness settles behind Harley’s eyes. She sighs and looks away, fingers lifting to wipe away a tear. “I can’t do this, Gavin. I’ve tried to be patient and understanding. I know how hard this is for you, and I love you and I love Peyton, but I can’t compete with a ghost. If Marcie is the love of your life, then what does that make me?”

“Marcie will always be part of my life.”

“And I’m always going to be second. And that isn’t enough.” And with that, she walks out the door.