Make Me Melt(17)

She gave a bitter laugh. “Whatever. I wasn’t woman enough for you, right? My boobs weren’t big enough, and I had no experience. Why bother with a scrawny teenage virgin when you could have a real woman, right?”

Jason made a growling sound of annoyance and rose to his feet. Planting his hands on the table, he leaned toward her, and it took all Caroline’s resolve not to cringe from the heat and anger she saw reflected in his eyes. She stared boldly back at him instead.


“Is that what you think?” he said through gritted teeth. “Well, here’s the truth. I was barely holding it together that night. If you hadn’t left when you did, I would have had you on your back in that bed, and I would have screwed you blind. I would have taken you six ways to Sunday, and I wouldn’t have given a rat’s ass about your virginity, or the fact that I owed your father everything. I would have hurt you, Caroline, and in the morning, I would have been gone.”

For a moment, she was too stunned to speak. His crude depiction had her imagination surging with lurid images of what might have happened that night. The vehemence in his voice almost made her believe him.

“Well,” she said when she could finally speak. “At least that’s better than thinking you didn’t want me.”

“But I didn’t,” he continued, his voice harsh. “Oh, I wanted your hot little body, but I didn’t want you. I didn’t want a girlfriend or a relationship, and if you think that’s where we were headed, you are deluding yourself.”

Even after all these years, his words had the ability to inflict pain. Here, finally, was a glimpse of the angry, dangerous youth he had once been. “So where were we headed?”

He laughed sardonically. “To hell, sweetheart. Because I would have used you and then left. You would have tried to put a good face on it, but every time my name came up in conversation, it would have felt like someone twisting a knife in your gut. And if by some miracle I hadn’t gotten you pregnant, you still wouldn’t have been able to hide the truth from your father.” A muscle twitched in his jaw. “He would have learned what happened, and if he didn’t have me arrested for statutory rape, he would have found another way to ruin me. And in time, I’d have grown to hate you almost as much as you hated me.”

The picture he painted was so cruel and so bleak that Caroline felt tears prick the back of her eyelids. Her voice, when she spoke, was little more than a whisper. “You really would have hated me?”

“Without a doubt,” he assured her. “But not nearly as much as I would have hated myself.”





5


JASON HADN’T BEEN back to the beach house in Santa Cruz since the night he’d found Caroline waiting for him in his bed. The place hadn’t changed much in twelve years, and despite the fact that he and Caroline had hardly spoken through the course of the long day, some of the tightness in his chest eased as he walked through the spacious house and onto the back deck, which overlooked the beach and the crashing surf.

The sun was beginning to set over the water, streaking the sky with brilliant reds and pinks. Several couples walked along the water’s edge, letting the waves lap at their feet. To the right of the deck, standing near the dunes, he could just make out Colton’s shadowy figure.

Deputy Black, Deputy Mitchell and three other officers had arrived earlier to get the layout of the house and evaluate the security. Even now, they stood guard both inside and on the surrounding property. Jason hoped that he and Caroline wouldn’t be here for more than a couple of days. He liked the house, but he didn’t relish the long drive back and forth to the hospital, with Caroline silent and cold beside him.

He knew he’d hurt her feelings with the ugly picture he’d painted for her, but he needed her to understand that when he’d turned her away twelve years ago, he’d done it for her own sake. And for his.

Truth was, he’d lied when he’d told her that he would have hurt her. That he would have left her. That he would have hated her.

But the reality was that she’d been much too young. There had been no chance that they could have had any kind of relationship, even if her father would have allowed it, which he wouldn’t have. Not then. Maybe not even now.

Jason thought of the cases he’d recently worked in San Diego, involving some of the worst kinds of criminals. While he felt a certain satisfaction in putting them behind bars, he also experienced a sense of guilt, because on some level, he related to those lowlifes. Under different circumstances, it could have been him behind bars. He knew that some of the people he worked with were aware of his background and looked down their noses at him because of it. As much as he tried to tell himself that his past experiences made him a better law enforcement officer, he couldn’t shake the sense that he’d never completely eradicated the angry delinquent kid that he’d once been. He was just better at hiding it.

Caroline had once accused him of keeping his tattoos concealed because of what others might think about him. In truth, he couldn’t care less what anyone thought about him, but he took no pride in the ink he’d gotten as a teenager. There were times he’d even considered having the tattoos removed, but he had decided to keep them as a reminder of who he really was. He could fool some people, but he couldn’t fool himself.

He leaned forward, bracing his forearms on the railing of the deck, and breathed in the clean, salt-tinged air. Now that Caroline was living in Virginia, the judge rarely spent any time at the beach house. He refused to sell it, however, despite the fact he could get a small fortune for the oceanfront property. The house had belonged to his late wife, who had died in a car crash when Caroline was just a toddler. William had always maintained that the house was part of Caroline’s inheritance.