MacKenzie Fire(19)

She starts laughing so hard she chokes. I have to get up out of my seat to pat her on the back. It makes me wonder how far the hospital is from here, just in case.

“Here. Maybe this will help,” Hannah says from behind me. She’s holding a cup in a saucer. She doesn’t sound very concerned.

“What is it?” I ask, taking it from her.

“Tea, duh,” she says, making a stupid face. “Herbal. Just like she ordered.” She leaves without waiting for me to respond, which is probably good. Andie did ask me not to make her an enemy.

“Here,” I set the tea down in front of my friend, “take a sip before you turn your lungs inside out.”

She sips and then speaks with a croaky-frog voice. “Is that even possible?”

I sit back down. “Of course it is. What goes down must come up, right? That’s just simple physics.”

“Down? Lungs go down?”

“How else do you think they got where they are?” I shake my head. She really has no medical knowledge at all. I suppose it doesn’t matter since she’s not working in a hospital, but you’d think she’d at least wonder about this stuff. I know I do.

I explain, just in case she really does want to know. “Yeah. When you’re a zygote, everything’s on the outside. Then as you turn into an embryo, it all goes inside. Boys get testicles, we got ovaries, but it’s all basically the same equipment. Lungs in, lungs out. Physics.”

She frowns over her cup as she sips her tea. Then she shakes her head and swallows. “You seriously scare me sometimes.”

“I know, right? How do I keep all this knowledge in one brain? It’s just one of those medical miracles. I scare myself sometimes. I’m going to donate my brain to science. Maybe they can unlock some secrets of the universe from in there.”

“More like unlocking Pandora’s box,” Andie mutters.

“Do you use that music app? I do. It’s pretty good.”

She shakes her head, but stops herself from responding when Hannah shows up again, food in hand and a white mug of coffee for me.

The plate with a single waffle and a blob of whipped butter on top distracts me from my next thought. Hannah leaves without a word, which is fine by me.

“So what were you doing in the gun store?” Andie asks.

I busy myself with drowning my food in syrup. The smell of pecans and maple has me going light-headed with pleasure. I’m a sucker for breakfast foods I shouldn’t eat.

I answer without looking at her. I have to act casual, like I was just hanging out, shopping for awful flannel shirts or whatever. “Just buying some boots. See?” I hold out my leg so she can re-admire my footwear.

“You weren’t buying a gun were you?”

I stab a chunk of waffle. “I shot one in there. They have an indoor range. Have you ever seen it?” I shove the big bite into my mouth, hoping I’ve adequately distracted her from the fact that I haven’t actually answered her question. I don’t want to lie, but I also don’t want her trying to talk me into returning my nine millimeter. I’ve already named her Millie and I like the weight of her in my bag. I could probably take someone out just hitting them with it, instead of actually pulling the trigger.

“No. But why you saw it is my question.”

“Welp …,” I wipe off my mouth and cut my next bite, “I was in there, looking at boots, and Ian was there too, talking about a bow and acting like he’s all Robin Hood and stuff … and the guy asked me if I wanted to shoot a gun in his range. So I did.” I shrug and eat some more waffle.

“And you shot Ian?”

I wave my fork around, talking with my mouth full. “No, he pretty much shot himself.”

“Did he have a gun?”

I swallow so I don’t choke. My waffle is kind of dry and maybe a little too salty. “No, I did. But he was standing behind me giving me a bunch of crap and he’d just revealed the evil truth of him being a killer, so one thing led to another and then he got grazed.”

“I’m completely lost. How did he shoot himself?”

“Karma.”

“Karma?”

“Yes. Karma. All those animals he shot? Karma loves that shit. My gun dropped, a bullet came flying out, and it hit him in the ankle. So actually it was Karma who shot him. Karma’s a bitch. He should know better than to mess with her.”

She leans in close and talks in a loud whisper. “You actually shot him?! I thought it was a joke!”

I put my fork down and stare at her. Does pregnancy make people hard of hearing? I’m going to have to Google that. “No. He got grazed by a bullet that Karma aimed at him. I didn’t even have my hand on the gun, so how could I have shot him?” I shake my head, disappointed in my friend. She’s supposed to be a lawyer. This should be easy for her.

I pick up my fork and push another bite onto its tines. “He’s fine. He said he was going home to ice it. It’s just a bruise. There wasn’t even a drop of blood. He was acting like a big baby if you ask me.”

She takes a sip of her tea. “Life is never boring with you around, Candice, that’s for sure.”

I smile awkwardly, my mouth full of waffle. “You know it.”

She laughs.

“Where are we going next?” I ask, taking a sip of my coffee. It’s cold. I glance over at Hannah and catch her smiling. That bitch. She probably put ice in it. I look down into the cup to see if there’s anything else floating around in there. There’d better not be a loogie at the bottom.