Love in the Light (Hearts in Darkness, #2)(14)

Her heart ached for what they might’ve been. “I don’t think I need to think about it, Cam.”

“I’ll wait, Makenna. Because I love you,” he gave a helpless shrug. “I’ve loved you so much of my life.”

She’d said those words to him once, but now when she thought of love it was Caden’s face that came to mind. Caden’s touch. Caden’s eyes. “Where were you three years ago, or even two?”

He shook his head. “So lost. Clearly. Just think about it, okay?”

Her shoulders sagged. She didn’t want to fight with him. She didn’t want to hurt him. And she didn’t want to ruin Thanksgiving. What was she supposed to say? “Okay,” Makenna blurted, already mentally drafting the email where she told him they were through, for good.

She inhaled to say more when Cameron suddenly stepped fully into her space and pressed his lips to hers. Makenna was so stunned it took her a moment to realize what had happened.

She wrenched back and glared. “Don’t. You know what? I don’t need to think about this. I meant what I said. I’m with Caden right now. I have no intention of stopping being with him because we’ve had this talk.”

He held up his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I understand. I just…I just miss you.”

“I need to get back downstairs now,” Makenna said, and without another word, she slipped around him and padded down the steps.

And then she locked herself inside the hall bathroom, pressed her back against the door, and slapped her hand over her mouth. What the hell just happened?

*

“Okay,” Makenna had said. And with just that one word, Caden’s whole world tilted on its axis and sent everything reeling.

He bolted from where he’d been standing near the bottom of the steps, having gone looking for Makenna to see if she wanted anything before he made himself a turkey sandwich. And he’d overheard her entire conversation with Cameron. The guy missed her, loved her, and wanted her back—well, that much had been clear most of the day, hadn’t it?

Bee-lining through the house, he was glad everyone else was still downstairs. He made for the kitchen, then the back door, then his Jeep, just for space, just to escape, just to find some place where there might still be some oxygen left to breathe. Outside, he braced his hands on the hood of the Jeep, not caring about the snow or the way the cold wetness of it immediately made his fingers ache.

As if all that wasn’t bad enough, to learn that Makenna had once agreed to marry that guy. That they would’ve already been married if Cameron hadn’t made some mistake. Caden hadn’t gotten all the details, but they didn’t really matter. What mattered was that Makenna had loved Cameron enough to want to make a life with him. A life with a man who was Caden’s opposite in just about every way—professional where Caden was blue collar, wealthy where Caden was just comfortable, all-American good looks where Caden appeared rough around the edges, confident and charming where Caden was awkward and clumsy.

Cameron was the kind of guy Makenna was attracted to when she met a man in the light of day. The darkness in that elevator had been Caden’s saving grace, because it had allowed both of them to get to know one another without the preconceptions that appearances created—and he’d created some of his on purpose, hadn’t he? Except once he’d gotten to know her within the freedom of that darkness, he hadn’t wanted her to turn him away when she saw him. He hadn’t wanted her to be put off by him.

And, miraculously, she hadn’t been. He could still hear her calling him freaking gorgeous that night. And the memory of it still stole his breath and set his heart to racing. But if Cameron was the kind of man she’d once agreed to marry, then it proved that her attraction to Caden was a fluke. At the very least, not her norm. Didn’t it? Did that matter?

Maybe it didn’t. Or at least shouldn’t.

But it made him doubt, for maybe the millionth time since they’d started seeing one another, whether he was good enough for her, whether he was right for her. He thought he’d put the worst of that behind, because he knew it was his past and his anxiety and his f*cked-up fears talking. He knew it was. But seeing an alternative future for Makenna held up in front of his face like this had reached inside his chest and his brain and his heart and stirred it all up again.

Stirred it up bad.

Jesus.

Breathe, Grayson. Just f*cking breathe.

He braced wet hands on his knees, lowered his head, and counted backward from ten. Ten. Deep in, deep out. Nine. Deep in, deep out. Eight. If it hurt this bad to imagine Makenna with someone else, how much would it hurt to lose her? Seven. Deep, in, deep out. Six. I’ve lost everyone else, why would she be different? Five. Deep in, deep out. Four. You have her now, focus on that. Three. Okay, okay. Two. Deep in, deep out. One. Deep in, deep out.

Shit, his shoulders and chest were just as tight.

He did it again from ten, this time blocking out all the non-stop commentary racing through his head.

When he was done, he stood up and rolled his neck, his shoulders. She’d only agreed to think about what Cameron had said to her. She hadn’t agreed to be with him and she’d made it clear that she was serious about Caden. Focus on that. Right. Okay.

Except hearing the echo of Cameron’s declaration of love in his ear added another layer of stress to the whole situation. Because that dickhead had said it to Makenna again when Caden hadn’t said it once yet.