Love Beyond Words (City Lights, #1)(58)
“I suspected I missed something and I was right,” Julian said. “Why do we have to dwell on it?”
“It’s suspicious as hell.”
“It was, and then I heard his explanation, and now it isn’t. But because you’re insistent on finding something wrong with him, his reasons aren’t good enough.”
This is it. Our first fight, Natalie said. It hurt her heart and her hands were trembling so that she clenched them into fists, but she couldn’t stay silent.
“I don’t understand why you’re so eager to protect him. Sixty-five thousand dollars times three just gone—”
“I’m eager to protect him because he’s my friend. That’s what you do for friends; you trust them. He has never given me cause to doubt him, not in six years, yet it took you all of six minutes to decide he’s no good. What has he ever done to merit such disdain?” Julian narrowed his eyes. “Is it because he’s gay?”
Natalie reeled. “What? How can you…? My best friend is…I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.”
“Then what is it? You’ve disliked him from the start. Why?”
“I don’t…I don’t know why. Something about him…”
“He rubs you the wrong way?”
“Yes.”
Julian shook his head. “Sorry, that’s not good enough.”
“Not good enough,” Natalie repeated. “No, I suppose he’ll have to rob you at gun point before you’ll realize he’s stealing your money. Maybe that will be good enough for you.”
She could see the anger rise in him as if he were transparent: a red flood that burned and brought acid to his tongue when he spoke to her. “I can see it was a huge mistake asking for your help. One I won’t make again.”
“Don’t you dare try to turn this around on me, as if I—”
“In all the years I’ve known him,” Julian said, trampling over her words, “David has said and done things for me that I appreciate; that I am thankful for; that make me glad to call him a friend. The fact that these things have happened outside your awareness does not make them any less true.”
“Then why, Julian, didn’t you just ask him first?”
He said nothing for a long moment. Natalie crossed her arms over her chest in bitter triumph, but instead of conceding honestly he said, “You’re right. I should have. I should have known better than to trust your biased judgment.”
Natalie stared at him. “That’s crazy.” She stormed out of the bedroom. He followed after.
“Yes, it’s not crazy to remain loyal to a friend…”
“Loyal?” She grabbed her purse and sweater. “Blind and gullible is more like it.”
For a split second she thought he would lose control and the temper David had told her about would break free. His eyes widened and she could see his jugular pulsing. But instead of exploding, he spoke in a tight, contemptuous tone that froze her blood. “I think it’s time that you leave.”
Tears threatened but she held them back. “I was already going,” she said, and slammed the door behind her.
#
Julian watched her go, and the split second after she shut the door he wanted to call her back, to beg forgiveness. The red-hot flame of his temper had raced through him and then burnt out the instant she left, leaving him cold and riddled with shame. He slumped into the sofa, his head in his hands.
“Cogerme.”
He glanced at the phone but recoiled at the thought of hearing her voice filled with pain or hatred, and knowing that he had put it there. Or she might not answer it at all. Fear that he’d ruined everything after the way he’d spoken to her wracked him hard.
Because she’d been right. I don’t know why I didn’t ask David first. Just a vague disquiet I’ve had where he’s concerned. He tried to think how long he’d been feeling things were different with David. Has it been a year? Julian had been so wrapped up in Natalie he wasn’t sure. But what he’d told her had also been true; David had been his only true friend for six years. The notion that he would betray Julian didn’t seem possible. David’s devotion had always been…intense.
Julian heaved a sigh. It didn’t matter. He’d nearly ruined everything with both of them. David would come around, but Natalie? The anguished look on her face when he’d told her to leave was like a kick to the gut.
Why would I say that to her?
He went to his desk in the library and pulled out a pen and paper, hoping as he wrote, that the unfathomable mystery of it would unravel for him as he tried to explain it to her. But he found his words veering away from the ugly, and flowed toward his devotion to her, which held no mystery, only love.
When the letter was finished, he mailed it straightaway and then sat in to wait, feeling as if his life was on hold until she replied. So be it, he thought. It’s nothing less than I deserve.
Chapter TwentySeven
In the aftermath of her argument with Julian, Natalie felt Liberty’s absence acutely. Marshall had vanished into the chaotic world of tax season and wasn’t likely to emerge for another few weeks. She longed to call Liberty and spill it all; she suspected mutual commiseration over the pig-headedness of men would smooth over their own disagreement. Moreover, she missed her friend, wanted to hear her voice, wanted to curl up on her couch and drink cheap wine and watch one of those old kung-fu movies Liberty was such a fan of.