Love Beyond Words (City Lights, #1)(30)

They stood side by side, hand in hand, watching the raindrops explode against the cement in silver bursts. The storm raged, having swept the streets empty; Julian felt as though they were the only two people in the world. Beside him, Natalie recited quietly:

“The earth turns her face up to meet the tears,

drinks them

And creates days from the sky’s sorrow.

Between these implacable forces

We, little creatures

In shells of flesh and bone,

Dance…”

“…and beg for mercy,” Julian finished, closing his eyes. His words in her mouth...they finally sounded as he’d meant them to.

She turned to him, gasping. “You know it? So beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Not half so beautiful as you.” He brushed a lock of hair from her eyes. “I hope you can forgive me.”

She leaned close to him; he could feel her heart thundering under the soft cotton of her dress. “Breaking through old routines…” she said, “it’s not easy.”

“No. But there are so many things I have to tell you.” He said this to himself as much as to her, to remember restraint.

“I know,” she breathed. She slipped her arms around his waist and tilted her chin.

“Natalie…Wait.” Julian held her by the shoulders, his voice hoarse with want. “When you look at me like that, I can’t think...”

“Don’t think,” she said. She leaned close, stood on her toes to reach him, her lips brushing his with every word. “Kiss me, Julian. Kiss me…”

Just one kiss, he thought before rational thought abandoned him completely. He slipped one had to the back of her neck, the other to her waist, and in one swift motion pulled her to him like a drawstring closing, engulfing her completely.

Outside, rain and wind battered the windows. Inside, Julian felt Natalie’s vitality, powerful and potent, sweeping him up in its own storm. He kissed her hard, with lips and tongue and teeth, pulling his hips against hers, until he was desperate to satiate the heavy need between them. She responded with equal passion; her hands slipped around his neck, holding his mouth to hers with her own fervor that was somehow ardent and gentle and the same time.

He groaned at her touch and surged against her, driven by a sublime, absolute synthesis of love and lust. One hand wound into her hair and pulled gently, exposing her neck to his mouth. She let out a half-cry, half-sigh of want that stirred his blood into a frenzy. He trailed kisses down her throat as his other hand slipped down to cup one small breast; it filled his hand perfectly, and she arched her back into his touch.

Desire whipped him again; he backed her against a table, pressed himself between her knees. She clung to him, wrapped her legs around his waist. He thought he’d go mad if he didn’t have her then. An animal need was taking over, turning his hands greedy, his kisses savage. A vague, half-formed thought warned him that they were nearing the point of no return and he still hadn’t told her anything, when lightning flashed outside, breaking their kiss, and saving him from his own unthinking lust.

“Your heart is racing,” Julian said, breathing hard, the physical world rematerializing around him from a red haze of want. “Mine too. We should stop. We have to stop…”

“No, no,” Natalie said, her own breath fluttering on every word. “I don’t want to stop. It’s okay…I’m ready.”

“Natalie…”

“But…we shouldn’t do this here,” she continued, her face flushed and her dark eyes cloudy with passion. “And I should tell you now…I’ve only ever…once before. A few years ago.” Her hands gripped the front of his shirt, twisting and untwisting. “I mean…I’m not a virgin but may as well be. I sort of feel like it, it’s been so long. So I want it to be perfect…and now I’m babbling. God, I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t say that,” he said quickly. “Don’t be sorry. For anything. It’s better if we stopped. Natalie, I—”

“No…” she said and took a deep steadying breath. “I don’t want to do nothing, Julian. We’ve done nothing for long enough.”

Julian felt the tenor of his heartbeat change from the fiery pulsing of lust to the nervy stutter of worry and doubt. She’s right. And now you’re going to stop again, hesitate again.Enga?ar, you let it go so far… He held her hands more tightly, as if he could keep her from running away. “I can’t. I want to, god, so badly Natalie, believe me, but not yet. I have to be honest with you. I have to tell you—”

“No.” The open sweetness of her face began to fold, close down. “Not again,” she whispered. “Don’t do this to me again.”

“Natalie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to go so far. It’s just so easy to become lost in you. The way you were looking at me, I—”

“So this—whatever it is you’re doing—is my fault? I don’t understand. What is happening? Again?”

“Nothing is your fault. No…Please, don’t cry.” He tried to touch her face but she pulled away. “I want nothing more on this earth than to spend the night with you. More than that; I want to be with you every moment of every day. I want to share my life with you, and now that the book is done, I’m ready. I’m ready to tell you everything, and I’m so terribly sorry I put you through such a strange, fruitless courtship.” He cautiously stepped close and held her gently by the shoulders. “But it all pales in comparison to the betrayal you’d feel if I made love to you before you knew the truth.”