Losing Me, Finding You(69)

I want that for Gaine, but the * is a stubborn motherf*cker sometimes.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask him as I close the door behind me and give Gaine a look that I hope scares the shit out of him. “Aren't you supposed to be back at that grubby motel?” He frowns at me and Kimmi and looks between the two of us with pursed lips, focusing on a cigarette that's dangling out of her pretty mouth.

“I was, but I came looking for you. I told you, Austin, I need to f*cking talk.”

“I'm sorry, Gaine, but what did you want me to do? Kent was standing right friggin' there like he always is.”

“Yeah, well now he's out meeting with Tray Walker.”

I freeze and Kimmi nearly drops her cigarette.

“What?” My voice comes out so low pitched that it sounds like a growl.

“Yeah, well. I wanted to tell you that Kent asked me and Beck to start running drugs last week. We told him okay, so long as it was just weed, but it's not. It's much, much worse than that, Austin.” Gaine licks his lips and brushes his tongue against the piercing in the center of his lip. He doesn't wear a ring there very often, though I can't guess why. It's usually just this tiny dot under his mouth, like a freckle or somethin'. I watch as he bites at it nervously for a moment. “I didn't want to spring this shit on you when you were so busy with … ” He raises his arm and gestures loosely at Kimmi and me. “Whatever it is that you do, but then he started getting on us about making connections with other MCs. I didn't think he was serious until I saw him meeting with Walker on my way over here.”

“Is the whole gang in town?” I ask, wondering what exactly it is that's going on. Is Kent our rat? It just doesn't make sense. Gaine shrugs.

“I don't know. I saw maybe a dozen guys with Walker. Other than that, I'm not sure. I just thought I should let you know because I … ” He trails off for a second and stares at the wall beside my boots before turning his gaze back up to mine and locking on tight. “For what they did to Mireya, I would gladly smash their bikes in again. I would beat 'em dead if I could, just for her.” He stops talking and stares off the distance like he always does, like he's waiting for someone. Suddenly, it clicks.

Mireya.

That * has been waiting for Sawyer this whole time?

I stare at him and I know it's true. Things start to make a lot more sense. Now, if I didn't feel like an * before, I sure do now. If I'd have known Gaine was into her, I would've backed off. Shit, damn, and f*ck.

“So if Kent really wants me to work with them, I'm out of here because I can't do it. I just friggin' can't.” He shrugs again and sighs like he's finally gotten the weight off his shoulders. “I mean, maybe he's meeting with them about the whole turf war thing, but I doubt it. Sounds like a load of bullshit to me. Since when did we have a turf?” Since forever ago, my friend. Any bank that we've got a hit on is our turf until it's over. That's the way it's always been and Walker just doesn't get it. Or does he? I don't like the implications of Kent hanging out with Tray. What the f*ck does that even mean? While I get myself lost in thought, Gaine shrugs and squeezes my shoulder, smiles at Kimmi, and turns away without another word. I watch him go in silence.

“So what do we do?” Kimmi asks, sounding like she'd so much rather be upstairs in Margot's arms than down here dealing with this crap. When my mind drifts to Amy, I know that I'm thinking the same way. But then, this is for them. This is for everyone.

“Well, nobody expects us to go in tonight.” I give Kimmi a look and watch her light up. Other than the motion of her hands around the lighter, she doesn't move, looking a lot like a statue in the orange glow of the flame. “Not even Kent. If we go in tonight and get the job done, we can worry about the rest later. That way, no matter what happens, the group will be set for a year, at least. Everybody will be taken care of, and we can beat Bested by Crows at their own, damn game.”

“Okay,” Kimmi says with a sigh, looking over at me with wary eyes. “But I sure as hell hope you know what you're doing.”



Chapter 49

When Austin finally comes back, he looks exhausted. His skin is stretched taut over his face and when he smiles at me, it only lasts for an instant, dropping right back into a frown as he waltzes in the room and grabs me around the waist with rough hands.

“Gaine was here looking for you,” I tell him, wanting to make sure I relay the news before I forget. My mind is all riled up with thoughts of Christy and our short but admittedly quite surprising conversation. Austin kisses me on the lips hard and sparks a little thrill in my blood, but he doesn't use his tongue, and he pulls away far too quickly.

“Thanks, beautiful, but he caught up with me.” He lets me go and stands there looking just this side of awkward.

“Austin,” I begin, but he cuts me off.

“I can't stay, sugar,” he says with a sigh, looking me up and down appreciatively. I put on my pink pj's for him, hoping that when he got back we'd … well, you know.

“You have to go out again?” I whisper and he nods. “With Kimmi?” Austin raises an eyebrow.

“Something the matter, pretty girl?” he asks me, reaching out and touching a strand of loose hair that's fluttering around my forehead. I take a deep breath and clear my throat before I speak. I need to get this out there, just to be sure that I'm not totally crazy, that Austin sees at least a little bit of what I see between us.